This again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
This again
By that, i mean this feeling of not knowing what to do. My friend has relapsed hard. Crack, heroin, prostitution for over a month now. i finally saw and talked to her yesterday. She was high. Her famliy is not close at all, she has only a couple friends, but none who are considered to be good friends. there is me and her now ex-boyfriend. She cried alot, she said how she is tired and doesnt like doing what she's doing, very ashamed, wants help but doesnt know how, but worst of all loves getting high.
state programs suck. she agreed to try an n/a meeting. but how do you help or let go. i feel that possibly if the right treatment was there is could help her. but the state stuff is no good. it seems like anything that can help that is like 60-90 days costs a small fortune. i do not know if she would take the help, but i would love to have it to offer.
i have that feeling that if i turn my back, which i know i am advised to do, i feel that she has no one. i do not want ot be a hero or to save her, but i do want to be able to assist her if she wants it. if i completely cut her i know for certain she will not know where to go for the help or have way to get there. i will not be an enabler. i will give no money or support unless it is for help. but i have been working at keeping the channels open. she will talk to me but really avoids anyone else. she definately has psych issues that need to be explored and possibly medicated. i hate to see her this way and hate knowing that she will just continue to sink. and i feel helpless. i know i didnt cause it etc. but i want to do anything i can to help.
thanks
state programs suck. she agreed to try an n/a meeting. but how do you help or let go. i feel that possibly if the right treatment was there is could help her. but the state stuff is no good. it seems like anything that can help that is like 60-90 days costs a small fortune. i do not know if she would take the help, but i would love to have it to offer.
i have that feeling that if i turn my back, which i know i am advised to do, i feel that she has no one. i do not want ot be a hero or to save her, but i do want to be able to assist her if she wants it. if i completely cut her i know for certain she will not know where to go for the help or have way to get there. i will not be an enabler. i will give no money or support unless it is for help. but i have been working at keeping the channels open. she will talk to me but really avoids anyone else. she definately has psych issues that need to be explored and possibly medicated. i hate to see her this way and hate knowing that she will just continue to sink. and i feel helpless. i know i didnt cause it etc. but i want to do anything i can to help.
thanks
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
I agree Steve. Call the Salvation army in your area and someone will advise you. If she really wants help they won't turn her away. Then you can step aside and let the pros guide her. Good luck and keep in touch. I'd also like to know that someone is getting the help they need....but the "WANT" has to be there....Smiles, Bonnie
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Hi Steve,
I can only speak from my experience with rehabs my son has been in. Currently, he is in rehab, funded by the state. In my state many rehabs set aside a certain number of beds for "charity patients". Charity does not mean that they don't get paid, it simply means they are state funded. My son is there, side by side with insurance paid and out of pocket.
He has been there before, but this time, HE asked them for help and waited for a bed to open. Why? Because he had burned every bridge and was desperate. Prior to this, he claimed this one was a joke, they don't "do anything, blah blah blah. They do what most do, and that's provide a chance to get his life on track.
They, like most will offer him post care. You friend may be encouraged to enter sober living, start being more independent, have a plan for the future.
As long as she can keep the conversation going about where and what is best, she probably will, because it means she doesn't have to back it up with actions.
If you want to know what worked best for me: I stayed out of it. Give her the numbers she needs, even put her on a list yourself, but when the bed opens, she has to be the one to accept it. Then walk away.
The rest is up to her. If she balks, then there's nothing you can do, but you tried.
There's really no other way to "help" without hurting.
Trust me, I've been there.
(((hugs)))
I can only speak from my experience with rehabs my son has been in. Currently, he is in rehab, funded by the state. In my state many rehabs set aside a certain number of beds for "charity patients". Charity does not mean that they don't get paid, it simply means they are state funded. My son is there, side by side with insurance paid and out of pocket.
He has been there before, but this time, HE asked them for help and waited for a bed to open. Why? Because he had burned every bridge and was desperate. Prior to this, he claimed this one was a joke, they don't "do anything, blah blah blah. They do what most do, and that's provide a chance to get his life on track.
They, like most will offer him post care. You friend may be encouraged to enter sober living, start being more independent, have a plan for the future.
As long as she can keep the conversation going about where and what is best, she probably will, because it means she doesn't have to back it up with actions.
If you want to know what worked best for me: I stayed out of it. Give her the numbers she needs, even put her on a list yourself, but when the bed opens, she has to be the one to accept it. Then walk away.
The rest is up to her. If she balks, then there's nothing you can do, but you tried.
There's really no other way to "help" without hurting.
Trust me, I've been there.
(((hugs)))
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Do you want her to seek recovery and embrace it? Then let her fall to her bottom, give her the number for the Salvation Army and let go. Hands Off The Addict!
If she knows where to go to buy drugs, she can find her way to a meeting, rehab and so forth. Addicts are very resourceful, if they want it, they will find it.
She is doing what addicts do.
If she knows where to go to buy drugs, she can find her way to a meeting, rehab and so forth. Addicts are very resourceful, if they want it, they will find it.
She is doing what addicts do.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by steve1840 
... i feel that possibly if the right treatment was there is could help her.
Rehab teaches the tools one can use to recover.
No such thing as the right or wrong program.
Those not done with dope, are far more likely to find fault with any program.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
Originally Posted by outtolunch
Rehab does not cure addiction.
Rehab teaches the tools one can use to recover.
No such thing as the right or wrong program.
Those not done with dope, are far more likely to find fault with any program.
Rehab teaches the tools one can use to recover.
No such thing as the right or wrong program.
Those not done with dope, are far more likely to find fault with any program.
a good sign is that she seems more open to ideas than she was in the past. used to be that she would want nothing to do with any faith based place, now just yesterday she said she needs to find faith. i hope she finds whatever she needs.
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