CompletleyLost

Hi. I am so happy I came across this forum. I see so much support and help here. Ok, here it goes...

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am going insane. My ABF is 5months sober. It's one of the longest times he has been sober since our 2 1/2 year relationship. I know he's itching to drinking again. He's being irritable and detached. That is usually how he acts before he goes on a binge. He did go to AA there for awhile but then stopped. Telling me that he can do it on his own. He said sitting there and listening to others talk about drinking makes him want to drink more. So now he doesn't go and doesn't want a sponsor. There are no Alnon meetings in my area for me. This is really taking it's toll on me. I have major depressive disorder and my meds are not working anymore. I keep dating guys who are addicted to something. I really wish I knew why.... Sorry, I needed to finally let that out... Any feedback?

Chino

Are you doing any therapy along with your meds? The two together pack a much more powerful punch than alone.

What is the distance of the closest Alanon meeting for you? Have you read Codependent No More?

keepinon

Do read co dependant no more..so great! It sounds like you feel you are repeating some bad patterns here. I personally have found Alanon to be the most helpful thing for me. It would be worth it to drive a ways for a meeting.

CompletleyLost

I am in therapy and in search of a med that works. The in between is hard. The closest meeting is 40+ miles. I haven't read that. Amazon?

dollydo

You can go to the library, the book and many other helpful ones are there to check out.

He is not in recovery, however, that does not mean you connot be in recovery from codependency.

This guy is not helping your depression problem is he?

Chino

I drive 100 miles round trip to see my therapist, my 22 year old RAD (recovering addict daughter) drives the same distance once a week to see her team of doctors, and my husband drives about the same distance to go to our office while I work from home. We all assign a value to our destinations.

Only you can decide if driving 80 miles round trip is worth it, but you won't know until you try

"Work the program you wish he would"

Freedom1990

So what are you getting out of the relationship?

It sounds like his track record over the past 2 1/2 years isn't stellar.

My man-picker was broken for a long time.

The choices I made didn't help my mental health issues either. Alcoholism is a family disease, affecting everyone around it.

It can affect you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

When I finally hit a bottom, I made a conscious decision to stay out of relationships and begin the internal work I had been putting off.

It hasn't always been easy, but it's been worth it.

coffeedrinker

Welcome to Sober Recovery! As you have already noticed, this truly is a terrific site.

Why do you keep choosing addicts? Ah, that really is the million dollar question, isn't it? Cuz if you can't get at that, then the odds are pretty high it will happen yet again.

When my ex (alcoholic) husband came home from treatment, wow, he was a changed man. The "high" from it never lasts, and I remember a time in that first year that was particularly difficult. I remember standing in my bedroom thinking "Oh, I wish we could just go back to the way things were before. At least I knew how to play." I was really wishing to. As soon as the thought was formed, though, I not only knew I could not do that, but I really didn't want to.

What I believe about becoming mentally healthier, is that once you go through a door (to better health), it is very difficult to walk backwards and go back through it. You just don't.

One day, you'll be in a better place. You will have been given many gifts, and you will have learned many lessons. It is then that you won't be able to walk backwards and make these same mistakes.

CompletleyLost

I hate to say it but, no he's not helping.

Keepinon and Chino, I think I try to drive out that way. I haven't done it sooner due to the fact that I was afraid to drive on the interstate. I got into an accident not that long ago on the interstate and that has me so paranoid now.

CompletleyLost

Also an apology for posting in the wrong section. And I misspelled my user name, lol. I was having a grand old day when I registered. I would like to thank you all for responding. And as I keep on reading posts. I don't feel so alone.

dollydo

Hey, don't sweat the small stuff, we are here for you regardless of where you post or how you spell...read some of my posts,I seem to type faster than I can spell!

Chino

I have a friend who gets wicked panic attacks when she drives on the interstate, so she doesn't anymore.

Well, if you're interested in meetings, they do have online ones. Just read and learn as much as you can, and "keep your face to the sunshine and you won't see the shadows." Helen Keller said that and it's another favorite quote of mine.

wicked

CL,
I have a major depressive disorder too. And, oh my, do I understand not wanting to move, let alone get to therapy or change my meds.
I finally found one that works for me, and I am who I am supposed to be.
If you had meds that worked before, you know you can feel better.
You will get one that works.

No, you are not alone, and no need for apologies. You are fine now, and you will get better. I did.

Take care of yourself.

Hammerhead

Love this!

outtolunch

Sounds like your meds cannot compensate for your poor choices in men. Sounds like a slippery slope.

It really does come down to choices. You could work with a professional and figure out why you are making poor choices or take a different path as "freedom" did and back off of relationships until you learn how to heal yourself.

You deserve to treat yourself better than you have been doing.

fourmaggie

its like a SPIDER...all the long legs are what and whom the "addicted" has effected...and the head of the SPIDER is himself the "addicted"...YOU are so rite FREEDOM1990

URMYEVERYTHING

Welcome to SR! I can say and speaking from experience, I ignored those behaviors (well, really didn't ignore them but dealt with them) before a relapse. This last time, I decided to detach from him even though he wasn't using. He was coming real close to relapse and I didn't want to be there when he did. Since detaching, I have no desire to go back. I finally got away and was able to gain more perspective on what I really wanted. I also dated my addict for 2 years and out of those two years only 8 months were good. The rest of the time was horrible. Why did I stay so long? Waiting for it to turn around in which it never did. Hope this helps.

Keep coming here. You will get the guidance and help you need until you sort out where to go for therapy. Look into getting your meds adjusted or changed. Sometimes our bodies become acclimated to the same med and it's just a matter of being tweaked.