Intro and thanks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: us
Posts: 115
Intro and thanks
Hi everyone,
First, thank you all for sharing your stories. It has been invaluable to me. I just wanted to take the time to introduce myself as I have been visiting this site for several weeks now:
I am a high functioning alcoholic. Keep a good job, and have lots of friends. Always been a heavy drinker, but as my social circles I have too...putting away a 5th of vodka after work, along with binge-purge food cycles xanax at night then xanax the next day to kill the hangover. Ugggh. Woke up June 1 in a pool of my own vomit. Tired of living the double life, the secrets and lies and the emotional stuckness I've had for so long. This the first time I have been honest. Have a wonderful therapist, have good days and horrible days. I live for the good ones. I have great shame, and pride in myself; a delicate line I balance from minute to minute. Thank you for reading.
First, thank you all for sharing your stories. It has been invaluable to me. I just wanted to take the time to introduce myself as I have been visiting this site for several weeks now:
I am a high functioning alcoholic. Keep a good job, and have lots of friends. Always been a heavy drinker, but as my social circles I have too...putting away a 5th of vodka after work, along with binge-purge food cycles xanax at night then xanax the next day to kill the hangover. Ugggh. Woke up June 1 in a pool of my own vomit. Tired of living the double life, the secrets and lies and the emotional stuckness I've had for so long. This the first time I have been honest. Have a wonderful therapist, have good days and horrible days. I live for the good ones. I have great shame, and pride in myself; a delicate line I balance from minute to minute. Thank you for reading.
Glad you are here. 
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I can relate to the double life - the functioning person vs. the person that I had to wake up to (hungover, remorseful, anxious and depressed). It got harder and harder to keep the functional part. I was either trying to get a buzz or coming off of one and neither place was comfortable anymore.
I'm so glad you decided to join us. I was pretty nervous when I first came here, but it's been my lifeline for the past 55 days of my newfound sobriety. Keep posting and reading - You're not alone anymore!
I'm so glad you decided to join us. I was pretty nervous when I first came here, but it's been my lifeline for the past 55 days of my newfound sobriety. Keep posting and reading - You're not alone anymore!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Welcome Onestep... Your description resonates with me. High-functioning alcoholic, great job with huge output; but addictive behavior that nearly ruined me. I think it's so important that you have a good therapist. Mine helped me immeasurably. Good luck on the road ahead!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 119
Welcome. I'm a functioning alcoholic as well. I'd never go to work drunk, but as soon as I got home, I'd pull the cork. Alcohol helped me sleep and also cope with anxiety/frustration.
Glad you made it to this site. It's really been helpful for me.
Glad you made it to this site. It's really been helpful for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
Welcome! I can TOTALLY relate to the whole double life thing. No one in my life knows I (used to) drink alone. It's tough living that way. I've been sober for 8 days. Stick around here - you'll find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 63
Welcome.
Thought I was the only one who used Xanax to fix my hangovers.
I am very much like you. Have a great job, lots of friends (who drink, ALOT), and feel at times like I living a double life.
My therapist has become my lifesaver. She has brought me a lot of strength, as has this site.
Good luck. I'm here to help.
Thought I was the only one who used Xanax to fix my hangovers.
I am very much like you. Have a great job, lots of friends (who drink, ALOT), and feel at times like I living a double life.
My therapist has become my lifesaver. She has brought me a lot of strength, as has this site.
Good luck. I'm here to help.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Welcome! With all due respect, that does not sound like a very 'high functioning' kinda life 
I took gulps of anything liquid that would f me up, and handfuls of pills, and a host of other things to try to function. Thinking I was somehow 'not that bad' because I hadn't reached any of the 'yet's, (DUI, job loss, health issues, relationship loss etc), kept me really f'd up for a really long time.. almost killed me, that kinda thinking!
I had a lot of friends that were pretty messed up too.. getting rid of using/drinking buddies, and making actual friendships was one of the most valuable things I did for my sobriety, and my recovery.
Great that you have a therapist, and now you have 'us'!
Oh, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Leonard Cohen, saw him in concert last year.. still amazing.
I took gulps of anything liquid that would f me up, and handfuls of pills, and a host of other things to try to function. Thinking I was somehow 'not that bad' because I hadn't reached any of the 'yet's, (DUI, job loss, health issues, relationship loss etc), kept me really f'd up for a really long time.. almost killed me, that kinda thinking!I had a lot of friends that were pretty messed up too.. getting rid of using/drinking buddies, and making actual friendships was one of the most valuable things I did for my sobriety, and my recovery.
Great that you have a therapist, and now you have 'us'!
Oh, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Leonard Cohen, saw him in concert last year.. still amazing.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Originally Posted by smacked 
Welcome! With all due respect, that does not sound like a very 'high functioning' kinda life
Alcoholism is human dysfunction personified, I see nothing functional about it or those who are active in it, let alone "highly" functional. But that is something I learned here since I joined, hopefully you will dive right in and learn some new things as well about getting sober and staying sober.
Welcome to SR, it's a great place for information and support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome Onestep!
I could've wrote your post.
Found out the hard way that 'high-functioning' or even just 'functioning' is not a type of alcoholic, it's a stage of alcoholism.
If unchanged, it inevitably continues to get worse and worse.
Alcohol wants us dead, but it wants us alone first.
For me, the double image was alcohol's way of trying to convince me that it was okay to continue drinking, that I wasn't that bad, while my heart knew that I was.
It's a vicious cycle. Hope you'll continue to read and post. Lotsa great support here.
I could've wrote your post.
Found out the hard way that 'high-functioning' or even just 'functioning' is not a type of alcoholic, it's a stage of alcoholism.
If unchanged, it inevitably continues to get worse and worse.
Alcohol wants us dead, but it wants us alone first.
For me, the double image was alcohol's way of trying to convince me that it was okay to continue drinking, that I wasn't that bad, while my heart knew that I was.
It's a vicious cycle. Hope you'll continue to read and post. Lotsa great support here.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Glad you've joined us, Onestep! I was once the same type of drinker as you. Over the years I lost any control I may have had. I started out a weekend drinker - very civilized and respectable. In the end, no amount I drank gave me the desired effect - and I was drinking 24/7.
I wish I had taken stock of my behavior many years before I did. It would have saved me so much heartache & misery. It sounds like you're ready to get off the rollercoaster & eliminate this poison from your life. Please tell us more about yourself & how you're doing.
I wish I had taken stock of my behavior many years before I did. It would have saved me so much heartache & misery. It sounds like you're ready to get off the rollercoaster & eliminate this poison from your life. Please tell us more about yourself & how you're doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: us
Posts: 115
Thanks everyone for the warm welcomes. As far as high functioning goes, I use that to describe my outward life; my mask. My life has been anything but functional. It was just a matter of time before my drinking ruined everything! Looking forward to getting to know all of you better. Thanks for the support!
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi OneStep -
HumbleBee's got it right ...
I too had a terrible case of the "yets" when I got here ... as in "I haven't lost my family [yet]", "I haven't gotten a DUI [yet]", etc.
But, in reality, I needed alcohol and thought about it more than most other things. I had stopped growing. I was stagnant.
I am glad you are here.
I'm coming up on 18 months and life has really gotten back on track. Not every day is great, but I've got the tools to deal with it as it comes.
The key for me is actively working on my program of recovery. Without the hard work, I just couldn't get the rewards.
HumbleBee's got it right ...
Originally Posted by HumbleBee
Found out the hard way that 'high-functioning' or even just 'functioning' is not a type of alcoholic, it's a stage of alcoholism.
But, in reality, I needed alcohol and thought about it more than most other things. I had stopped growing. I was stagnant.
I am glad you are here.
I'm coming up on 18 months and life has really gotten back on track. Not every day is great, but I've got the tools to deal with it as it comes.
The key for me is actively working on my program of recovery. Without the hard work, I just couldn't get the rewards.
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