Boundries and my father
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Boundries and my father
Today I enforced a boundry with my A father.
I am actually really surprised at myself. I had surgery and I know he wants to be here for me but at times he drinks and truthfully I am just uncomfortable around him at times and my recovery is most important. So a few days ago I told him I would let him know when would be a good time to visit once I am up and about.
He calls me twice this morning and tells me the second time he is on his way...univited I may add. I was actually able to tell him lovingly but firmly that was not his choice to make and that I would let him know a more appropriate time to come as this wasnt a good time for me. He said but I am on my way! I said yes that is the choice you made but as I have been saying its not a good time for me.
It was hard enforcing this boundry. He said ok. This is new to me. There is a small part of me that feels proud but another part of me uneasy because I didnt give in to someone else's needs. Maybe this takes practice
Hugs
Lulu
I am actually really surprised at myself. I had surgery and I know he wants to be here for me but at times he drinks and truthfully I am just uncomfortable around him at times and my recovery is most important. So a few days ago I told him I would let him know when would be a good time to visit once I am up and about.
He calls me twice this morning and tells me the second time he is on his way...univited I may add. I was actually able to tell him lovingly but firmly that was not his choice to make and that I would let him know a more appropriate time to come as this wasnt a good time for me. He said but I am on my way! I said yes that is the choice you made but as I have been saying its not a good time for me.
It was hard enforcing this boundry. He said ok. This is new to me. There is a small part of me that feels proud but another part of me uneasy because I didnt give in to someone else's needs. Maybe this takes practice
Hugs
Lulu
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
It does take practice! I was extremely uncomfortable the first time I set boundaries with my parents.
Take that small part of you that feels proud and clutch it in your hand like the precious seed that it is, my dear! That is growth, and each time you enforce boundaries, it does get easier, I promise.
I think a lot of my discomfort with boundaries and my parents at first was that I was still hoping they would somehow change on their own, and I wouldn't have to do it!
You're doing fantastic!
:ghug3
Take that small part of you that feels proud and clutch it in your hand like the precious seed that it is, my dear! That is growth, and each time you enforce boundaries, it does get easier, I promise.
I think a lot of my discomfort with boundaries and my parents at first was that I was still hoping they would somehow change on their own, and I wouldn't have to do it!
You're doing fantastic!
:ghug3
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
My mom is an "A" drinking for over 60 years. I have had to set many boundries with her, it has taken 30 years for her to get it. Ten of those years I did not speak to her. Now she understands.
You have to do what you have to do, for you.
i think you did just fine!
Dolly
You have to do what you have to do, for you.
i think you did just fine!
Dolly
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Well done!!!
Your needs trump his, imho.
We can't set a boundary without hurting the other person. If boundaries need to be enforced it means they don't get it (most people don't need that because they understand social nicities). So a little shove is necessary.
Your needs trump his, imho.
We can't set a boundary without hurting the other person. If boundaries need to be enforced it means they don't get it (most people don't need that because they understand social nicities). So a little shove is necessary.
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