love123

Hey my name is nicole im 18 and im new on here and dont really know how to use this. Anyways my boyfriend who is 24 whom ive been with for a year is an addict. Ive been with him since june 2009 and in Febuary 2010 he went to an out of state rehab for oxycotton. I knew he had a problem from the start but didnt know how to handle it. But now he has gotten his treatment and is home.

When he got home we had some problems because he wanted to be with me but also i caught him talking to 3 different girls from this rehab. Ive talked to the girls and they told me that they told him that he didnt have a girlfriend but when i confront him its a whole different story. He admitted to talking/flirting with them but not doing anything physically. Either way i have forgiven him and put it in the past.

But also after all this drama he told me i had to change my whole lifestyle. Ive never been the type to do drugs, but yeah im social and go out with friends where alcohol is. I told him i wouldnt drink anymore for him and help him. But now this is makeing me loose all of my friends. Not the not drinking part but the part where i cant even go out to anywhere because there is alcohol. He doesnt trust me to not drink if i go out.

And to add to all this i just turned 18 in april. Ive been going through alot for him because i love him. This isnt a normal 17/18 year old life and he doesnt understand how much i have sacrafised for him. He takes me for granted and minipulates me all the time. And i dont know how to react to all of this because i dont know if hes going to use drugs when we get in arguments or if he'll try killing himself when i say we need time apart or if i ask to go out with my friends (which he has done before and had to go to the hospital to get his stomach pumped).

Honestly i truly want to be with him and help him through whatever. But he says im selfish and greedy for wanting to go out because he says then that i lied to him because i told him i wouldnt go out and i wouldnt drink anymore. He has been 3 months clean and is doing very well. I wouldnt think going out with my friends for a little then coming home to him is a big deal? Am i selfish for saying this?

And im graduating in june and all of my girlfriends are getting a shore house for the week. Our parents are paying for it as a graduationg present and he doesnt want me to go. He swears im going to get drunk or something when i havent drank since hes been home from rehab for him. I want to able to celebrate graduating with my friends, its a one time thing. Am i wrong and selfish for wanting to go? Is it the wrong thing to go? Is it the right thing to stay for him.

Alls i want to do is whats best for him so ive been doing everything to try and not get him mad and want to use. But im getting so over whelmed with everything.. can anyone help me? Or explain to me what i am suppose to do? Please.

smacked

What's best for him may be letting him go, and letting him recover. Might be best for you too.. is this what you want in a loving relationship? I'd hate to see you back here in 10 years with a few kids, thinking of divorce or stuck in a codependent relationship feeling completely worn out and helpless.

You might want to post over in the "Friends and Family of Substance Abusers" section and see if they agree.

love123

Thank you the people in that section are helping me alot!

least

There are so many supportive people here, it's such a blessing.

Dee74

Hi Nicole - Welcome

Because you have posted identically in FFSA and are getting many good responses there, I'll close this one.

For all those with something to contribute, or who want to read some more, Nichole's thread in FFSA is at:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nd-addict.html

D