LS2

WTH, I feel so "little" .... Kind of like, "yay lets all feel so happy for A and all his changes and all the hard work he does" When you didn't actually LIVE with this person and the craziness, you honestly don't know and you can't understand...I just want to cry!

When A confessed to his parents, who were so HAPPY for him to admit to his problems..when for real it was, I had told them and A that he either goes into his rehab treatment or he needs to leave.

I didn't stick to it.

I got beat around, and A got his way and I am left here angry. A had some issues with insurance, which I stayed out of since this is his recovery...He lied about his coverage, he said inpatient wasn't covered when I saw the paper that said it was!

So, he stopped drinking in March, he had said he will go to outpatient instead of the inpatient. This is to be done on June 1st, outpatient...I said I wouldn't drive him, he doesn't have a license.

After telling him to find out if he can get a work/treatment permit, he got the okay for getting his license back after paying it and taking another assessment. He said the lady told him he didn't have to do treatment if he did the assessment. Last assessment I guess they recommended he go to outpatient so that was his plan to do outpatient in June to get his license back.

Hmmm...what's next? Now he can just forget about the outpatient?! How come I can't just stick to my boundaries. I'm falling for his little games...it sucks! I haven't been to therapy in 2 months and I can't go to Alanon since school is over and no one to watch the kids, I just need to vent it out.

I feel so dumb for falling in the trap again. I can survive for now I think until I get my schooling done. I'm so depressed lately and I feel like my body is falling apart when I am only 24...I went to a dr last week who said I have fibromaylsia

Bucyn

I'm so sorry. You seem to be spinning your wheels and wearing yourself out.

I understand the amazement and indignation you say you feel because everyone is so gung-ho on helping and supporting and encouraging his recovery and acknowledging his pain and his problems--but you get nothing. He shouldn't have been drinking to begin with, he should have gotten help sooner, etc., etc., etc. And he caused so much needless pain and problems, and yet because he talks a little bit insincerely about treatment, everyone is falling over themselves.

You'd like some support, understanding, and acknowledgment yourself. And there seems to be none. And frankly, the pain and damage you've suffered is as bad or likely worse than what he's suffered (he at least got some respite from the misery in bouts of drunkeness). But there's nothing for you.

I don't know if it's true, but it's said that depression is anger turned inward. I think it also is composed of a lot of feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. You may be angry with yourself for being 'weak' and finding yourself in this situation. You seem angry and ashamed of yourself because you didn't stick to it, are falling for his games again, and say you are dumb for getting sucked in.

I think you are pretty strong not to drive him to treatment or straighten out his insurance problems. Especially since you want him in treatment. It would have been pretty easy to 'fall' for rescuing him from his incompetence and managing his treatment by driving him around. You can pat yourself on the back for that.

You seem disappointed in yourself for not handling him better. Generally I think the assumption most people would have is you are disappointed in yourself for not fixing him; and lots of people would tell you you didn't cause, it and can't cure or control it.

But because you stood firm on the driving and the insurance, I'm thinking you may be disappointed in yourself for another reason. Do you have a game plan for improving your life and getting away from him and handling YOURSELF (rather than him) in dealing with the situation, and are disappointed that you aren't following your own disengagement and escape plans?

I think it's an important distinction for you to understand about your self disappointment. If you are unhappy with yourself because you 'failed' him, you have bigger problems than if you are unhappy with yourself because you 'failed' you. In fact, if you are disappointed that you failed you, that would be very encouraging and bode well for your recovery and building a better life for youself and your children. It would mean that you already did the hardest shift: from focusing on him to focusing on you.

Of course, it's disagreeable to be disappointed and angry with yourself, and of course, you are disappointed and angry with him too, and probably do wish you can fix him. Heck, I don't know him and i wish I could fix him.

So maybe it would help to tell us a bit more about your situation and feelings and hopes and plans. Do you work, go to school, and raise children? That's a lot, and it's admirable. You are young, you have so much time to get your life back on the track you want.

I'm sorry you have fibro; it's hard to be positive when it seems like everything is hard, and even your own body is your enemy. If you get you A out of your life and get settled in on a more positive path, and start to feel more in control of your life, I wouldn't be surprise if the fibro goes into remission some. Living with an A has got to be one of the most stressful situations in life.

In the meantime, here's a hug

Trying2Fly

Good reply, Bucyn.

I understand how difficult it is to be in the situation you are in; we all do and support you.
Keep posting and venting, and we'll listen.

Sending you hugs.

LaTeeDa

I know that fibromyalgia doesn't have a 'known' cause, but I find it very telling that EVERY single person I know IRL who has been diagnosed with it has an alcoholic spouse. Just an observation.........

L

Jadmack25

I will second that LTD, and had it in my face last night after church meeting.
Lass who has had fibromyalgia for ages, was standing with another member and me after the meeting, and out of the dark staggers this foul mouthed man, who grabbed her wrist and pushed her into my car.

That was the first bad move.

Second big, bad move was to start poking the chest of the man beside me, named T
because not only does T loathe abusers of every type, he objects to people poking him.

Third and final bad move was to throw a punch at T, at which point T threw drunk on the ground, cuffed him and told drunk he was "under arrest". I did enjoy calling for cop car to come get the somewhat shrunken man, who was no longer stroppy. Guess he had shock when he found out T is Senior Sargeant.....of Police. OOps!!!

He got carted off to clink and to face court this morning....and his wife and I went for coffee. Last of their kids left home for university 2 months ago, and she has been sneaking to daytime Alanon meetings....had considered leaving him, but.....

Well, last night's fiasco had her up and boiling, and she is thru with him......straight after coffee, she was going home to pack....HIS CLOTHES...as thing is now she isn't leaving the home, she is kicking him out of it, as it was her parents home and left to her.

She makes the 7th with both fibromyalgia and a resident A in their life. Hmmmmm???

God bless