Soph

Guys, I had a crappy weekend, and am feeling really low today. I am down in the dumps and am battling a massive urge to go get a bottle of crispy Savignon Blanc and pour a nice big glass.

My 13 year old son, almost 14, is driving me nuts. I am a working single mom. I have 2 needy dogs. My gutter was hanging off my house and I got out in the rain yesterday in my slicker to nail it back on. My XAH is off on a 3 week vacation that I had suggested he take, months back. I am in a full blown pity party.

I hate the little happy families all over my neighborhood, I hate the couples holding hands walking their dogs, I hate the girls giggling over drinks at happy hour, I hate the cars that take a year to turn right when I am in a rush behind them. I hate not knowing what to make for dinner every night, I hate rushing out of meetings to get home instead of hanging out with AA people. YES it's all selfish, all about me. I have been trying so hard to be grateful and work the program and this afternoon it just feels like caca!

Sorry but I had to vent. I know there are people way worse off, I know, I know. It's just hard to stay sober at a time like this so I am writing here in the hopes that it will keep me dry this evening. I have a meeting in an hour so I am holding on til that.

Your agitated lil alkie,
Soph

Lenina

(((Soph)))

Wow, you got out in the rain, in a slicker, and managed to nail the gutter back in place? I am impressed! And you have a teen-aged son? Wow, again! I woulda made the son get out in rain and do the work!

Deep breathes! The urge will pass. Keep reading and posting her. What recovery method are you using?

Love,

Lenina

Dee74

yeah that gutter would still be hanging off it was me...and my landlord

You're doing well Soph - it's not a crime to think about it...it's what you do next that really counts

D

TTOSBT

breathe, breathe, breathe. I so know your agitation and as annoying as it sounds, this too shall pass.
Take it easy on yourself right now. Be nice to yourself, you deserve it and need it right now. Some things you can not avoid, like the people driving in front of you. But, you can wait to do difficult tasks and maybe you can stay and hang out after meetings once or twice a week? It is very valuable fellowship time.


Keep venting and hold on to that sobriety!

LovesToTravel

I haven't heard that expression since I was a kid...I like it!

Just remember that if you were to decide to take that drink all those things that bug you will still be there....you will just not notice for a moment and then things will be back to caca! Don't do it! Hang it there! This will pass!

kaymess

I hope u made it through that. I am new here ansd am getting familiar with stuff(kinda) I go to both AA and NA. I wasnt happy with one addiction I had to double up. My drug addiction is more powerfull IN my addiction but I have been clean and sober since 01/01/10 and have come to the realization that I am an alcoholic too. Didnt ever consider it before. I get urges to drink every day. But I dont. I guess I had them before too. I figured they came from being too high and wanting to come down alittle so nI would want to drink. I didnt realize by doing thst nI created another monster nin me. I guess cuz it's legal and everywhere that I want it. I dont give into it because I known it would definately be the gateway back into hell. Plus be a hell in its self. But Im with you on the "man, a big bottle of something would be fun right about now" thank God we know that the fun always come to a bitter end. huh? like ----->
Hope you dont mind me posting here and feel free to post to me anytime.
I recently moved to Colusa CA and they have only one NA meeting and its in spanish and the closest AA is 30 miles away. so I looked for a site about recovery and found this one which so far seem perfect for my duel addictions. Im hoping I can get what I am missing in myh meetings here. I will still go to Yuba city when I can but when its not possible ,.....I hope this will help
K

HumbleBee

Hey Soph,

When the spit hits the fan, it's almost a knee-jerk reaction to think drink but it is true that not only will the problems still be there - I think you'd feel physically and mentally worse for throwing in the towel over it.

As for the happy couples hand-in-hand and girls giggling over happy hour, we have no idea what their journey is all about or what goes on behind closed doors. Things are not always as they seem.

It certainly doesn't help to compare our insides to everyone else's seemingly happy outsides.

As for annoying people in traffic, give them the finger and move on (just kidding!) well, kinda...LOL

Hevyn

Hi Soph - I agree with HB - don't envy the "happy" people you see out there. Everyone's life goes in cycles & they, too, have miserable days. You will have your day in the sun again.

Here's hoping you don't give in to the temptation - one less problem to add to your list! You are doing great, and I'm glad you posted about this.

traderjane

I read your post and could so relate. I had a stressful day at work -- had 4 hours to finish a report for one of the bosses and then raced out the door to get home in time for my kids' school bus. There was horrible traffic, so I made it just in time, then had to race out out the door to pick up my son at chess and bring my daughter to her art class, dragging all 3 kids in the car. We had to wait for art class to get over then we were all starving. Went to the grocery store with my kids and a take out place and my kids acted horribly. They started fighting in the store, yelling at each other and making me embarrassed. Even my oldest (age 11) was acting like a spoiled brat. I kept thinking, "glass of wine... glass of wine..." Then I remembered something. Wine only makes me feel like crap. So I got through it, got the food, came home and gave my kids a good lecture, then poured myself a big glass of .... lemonade... with dinner.

I just have to get over the feeling that wine is going to help me out. It's really not. I know that now. I could so relate to your post. Hang in there!!!

Soph

((Thanks guys)) Group hug!

I went to my women's meeting and it was good. The topic was right on the money. I shared/vented. People laughed at my gutter hanging down and what the neighbors must think.

I was actually really proud to bang away on the gutter and get it back up, those things make me feel useful. But of course you're right, I should be getting my son out there.

All your support and posts make me smile and feel better. I am not going to drink wine or anything because it will only make things worse. Never better. It just bothers me that I still have the cravings.

So...I will pour a La Croix and drink that with my spaghetti dinner (figured it out for tonight anyway) and keep working my AA program. I am actually about to begin Step 4 and it's a bit daunting but oh well.

THANKS for the support. XO Soph

least

I agree. Every time you win over the cravings you get stronger and they get weaker. Good for you!

yeahgr8

When you have worked the steps you will have none of this, still being in the insanity sucks...i remember it well!

loveon2legs

Hi Soph!! Good on ya girl!!

coffeenut

Hi Soph....so glad you made the right decisions!

In early sobriety, it was things like you mentioned, that made me sober. I had to learn how to deal with life. I'm trying to say....these moments will make you stronger!

You're doing Great!

lillyrose

Your post was such motivation and inspiration for me Soph. I have had an urge to drink like that over much more minor circumstances. sometimes you just feel crap and think that a glass of wine will help you fuzz out that feeling. But I'm starting to learn that it won't, that crap feeling will just be there when the buzz of the wine wears off. Thank you!

Margareth

I burst out laughing when I read this. I don't mean disrespect but have you ever thought about starting a blog (You can get one for free at WordPress.com — Get a Free Blog Here) or a column?

Neither do I mean to ignore your obvious distress and cravings, I know how bad that can get but you write in such a funny way about it. I can just see you behind your steering wheel, sputtering about all these happy looking people (Song wasn't it?) and having to go out in the rain to fix your blooming gutter.

That's a talent you know.

I read that you got past the craving: Good for you.

Now go write some more.