Grace2

Hi
This is the first time I have ever done anything last this and the first time I have admitted to having a problem with alcohol! I want to give up drinking. I have just ruined yet another week end and hurt my partner and my two children. If I dont give up I am going to lose everyone I love, most of all my two baby grand childres. I have had enough of waking up feeling guilty, feeling bad, lying and making excuses. I can manage during the week, I can go three or four days without drinking, then the week end comes and I lose the plot. I know I must give up, I can't just cut down, because I can never have just one or two glasses of wine, I'm not happy until I've finished the bottle. I'm behaving badly, look like sh*t and probably stink like a brewery. This is the first day of the new me and at the minute I am feeling positive and motivated, but who knows how long it will last. I'll be glad of any advice and support.

Cathy31

Hello there

Cathy31

I can totally relate to how you are feeling! I think where you are lucky is that you sound as though you have accepted that you cannot control your drinking. that was me - years and years of trying and busted up relationships! Joining AA helped me to work a program which not only brought me to that realisation but showed me how to live so much more happily without alcohol.
My advice would be to look up an AA meeting in your area and JUST GO! You can also phone the number provided (just google your area and AA) and ask someone to either pick you up or meet you outside the meeting - that helped for me.
Good luck - you can achieve EVERYTHING you wish to and be more happy! Alcohol is an equal opportunities destroyer! Grab what's available, work it, and you will never be happier! Let us know!

cathy31
x

Dee74

Hi disgrace

Your story is very familiar to me, and I'm sure to others here too.
You'll find a lot of support here.

Cathy's suggestion of AA is a good one - Having real life support has helped many here - I'm sure you'll find other suggestions too

Welcome to SR.
D

Grace2

Thanks Cathy, you've done amazingly well. I don't know if I have the courage to visit an A.A meeting yet. It was hard doing this, plus I havent even had the courage to admit my problems to my partner. He is so mad with me at the minute. He hasn't spoken to me since Saturday and I dont blame him, he is having a very stressfull time himself with other family matters. I should be supporting him. I really want to make life better. xx

Cathy31

You never know he might be less angry with you if you show that you are doing such a big thing - visiting AA - to try and sort out your problems...alcoholism is such a misunderstood illness, I know I knew nothing about it until I went to AA and learnt about the true nature of my illness, and even though I WAS accountable for getting well and for my actions (even when drunk) i was also very ill!
If you don't want to go to AA right now (none of us did! It's terribly daunting and frightening but LOVELY once you get there) I'd suggest keep reading the posts on here - when I saw how happy (in the main) and content and well adjusted the people from AA were on this website it made me want to try it. YOu can also google aa big book online and start reading that...AA is not the only way by any means, but it is the only way that worked for me, and has worked for me wherever I have been in the world. I'm so grateful to it and that's why I just have to encourage you to go - even if you only get there eventually! IT SAVED MY LIFE AND GAVE ME A FAR BETTER ONE!

Good luck! (ex) disgrace!
Cathy31
x

Norther

When I drank alcoholically, I thought that my problems - both life problems and emotional ones in the form of fear and anxieties - were softened and made bearable by alcohol. The fact was that the problems were either caused by the alcohol or at the least made far more difficult to deal with. Stopping drinking - which is less arduous than our fears suggest - soon made things better: fewer fears and anxieties and a clear view of the other problems in their true size and nature. I suspect you can experience something similar.

Grace2

Thanks, I will try and be brave and pluck up the courage x

artsoul

Hi Disgrace and welcome!

You're doing yourself a great favor by coming here and admitting you have a problem. That takes courage, I know. But everyone here understands exactly what you're going through.

Most of us were unable to control our drinking. At long as there was a drop of wine left in the bottle, I wanted it. And after that was gone I still felt like drinking. It just keep getting worse until I was complete and utterly miserable.

You're not alone and it does get better. Just don't pick up that first drink today and hang out with us if you're feeling shaky about it.

Grace2

Thank you. I am actually off work today and by now would have polished a bottle of wine off whilst ironing! I've had tea, tea and tea and lots of water. I've been to the shop and bought several cartons of fruit juice. ( I read somewhere that it's supposed to help the sugar crash). Oh and I've looked on the Internet and have written down the venues of two A.A's in my town. So that's a start. I dont think it's going to be easy, but I am so pleased with the support just from today, my first day.

spudida

Disgrace: I'm so glad you are here! We're all fighting the same demon. I was so afraid of going to AA meetings because "I'm not like them". So I stuck my toe in the water and sat in the back with my head down for a few meetings. Then I started to feel like maybe I am like some of them and started raising my hand just to say "I'm an alcoholic" which was really hard because even after all the years of drinking it was hard to admit. At first I even drank after the meetings, then I didn't. I have been sober for 10 days so I'm still a baby at this, but it does feel good to know I'm not alone. SR is also a wonderful support network. Keep speaking up and let us all embrace our sobriety and each other.
Good Luck!!!

loveon2legs

Hi Disgrace...and Welcome to SR!!!

The decision to live sober will be the best decision you have ever made!! I'm 112 days sober and feel great...I didn't think I would ever do it......life's bumps aren't so big anymore...I'm able to handle them now so much better now...I haven't gone to an AA meeting as of yet...I'm looking into a Tuesday night Women in Recovery group...you might try that route too....I love coming on SR to share my expereinces and read others...to know we are not alone in the struggle!!!

Take care!!!

Anna

I'm glad you found us and that you are seeking support for your sobriety.

joleah

congrats on making this decision I never knew how destructive alcohol can be I am not long sober myself but I can tell you each day will get easier for you I have a grandaughter and dont want her to have a grampa whos a drunk however I am doing this for myself Like you I am sick and tired of it.I will keep you in my prayers it will get better here for support anytime..............jo

least

Welcome to SR! YOu'll find a lot of support and good information here. Congrats on deciding to quit drinking!

Grace2

Morning

Well day one has passed without any major problems. Day two now. I am pleased that I got through day one, but I have been up most of the night. Not because I needed a drink, but because I was thinking over all the bad things I have done, especially this last weekend. I turned into a monster. I feel guilt ridden, ashamed and a waste of space. The atmosphere at home is more than frosty, my partner can't bear to look at me and who can blame him. If he did what I did, I would have been out the door long ago. I have to stick with this now and prove that there is some good in me.xxx

Margareth

Can you do me a favour? Will you please rethink your name here?

I'm sure you have done your share of despicable things and that you are bloody angry with yourself and we all have done our share of things we regret and you will have to deal with that but you are a human being and not a disgrace. You have done disgraceful things perhaps but to brand yourself like this I fear you are judging yourself so harshly it will make it hard for you to hear forgiveness when it comes, because it will.

You have to forgive yourself as much as seek forgiveness from those you've hurt.

I found this link about shame sometime ago and it helped me hugely, perhaps it helps you too.

Shame