Tgif
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 112
Tgif
Hello SR Friends,
Im feeling so much better since the meds were adjusted.I was talking to my therapist about having better days. Today I have spring fever and feel guilty. Like I should be mourning more, strange thoughts. The therapist said to me "Are you suppose to never feel good or joy again?" Ive been out and about with my long time friends and it has felt good. For the past 10 years I didnt bother much except the birthday partiess or something. Feels good to be free and have fun. But then the negative feelings creep up.
I have to change my way of thinking. Anyone got a hammer? lol
My daughter is doing great, she is even graduating HS early, Im so proud of her, it brings me to tears. She also has been spending more times with her friends.
I know we are going to be ok and happy again in our lives, I wish he could have known he had a better choice for himself. Something I will file in my brain as unexplained and accept it. I still wonder a year from now what my life is going to be like. Who Im going to be? Im going to make sure I read my posts over to see my progress. I hope all is well with you all.
Thanks
Deb
Im feeling so much better since the meds were adjusted.I was talking to my therapist about having better days. Today I have spring fever and feel guilty. Like I should be mourning more, strange thoughts. The therapist said to me "Are you suppose to never feel good or joy again?" Ive been out and about with my long time friends and it has felt good. For the past 10 years I didnt bother much except the birthday partiess or something. Feels good to be free and have fun. But then the negative feelings creep up.
I have to change my way of thinking. Anyone got a hammer? lol
My daughter is doing great, she is even graduating HS early, Im so proud of her, it brings me to tears. She also has been spending more times with her friends.
I know we are going to be ok and happy again in our lives, I wish he could have known he had a better choice for himself. Something I will file in my brain as unexplained and accept it. I still wonder a year from now what my life is going to be like. Who Im going to be? Im going to make sure I read my posts over to see my progress. I hope all is well with you all.
Thanks
Deb
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
thanks for the update. my heart just sang a little for you.
my cousin's husband violently killed himself about 10 years ago. (coincidentally, i just posted about that in an "abuse" thread...weird)
their daughters were 11 and 13. i felt such a pain in my chest sitting in the church on the day of the funeral, and as i watched, sobbing, the procession of this family down the aisle, i said to my neighbor "i feel like my heart is breaking" and i really did.
my cousin remarried a safe, solid, kind man. those two girls call him "dad".
yet they never lose sight of the first dad in their lives. they quietly and nobly recognize the date of his death, and two years ago did a pilgrimage to a favorite area of his, the northern minnesota boundary waters canoe area. (the current husband stayed home)
my cousin seems to have balanced the need to grieve, the importance of honoring his contributions, the ability to tell the truth about his death (some family members have continued to call it an accident), and the very real need to move on and experience joy.
this summer the eldest daughter is getting married. she just graduated from college and will go to law school in the fall. she is beautiful, centered, and happy.
no guilt, deb
my cousin's husband violently killed himself about 10 years ago. (coincidentally, i just posted about that in an "abuse" thread...weird)
their daughters were 11 and 13. i felt such a pain in my chest sitting in the church on the day of the funeral, and as i watched, sobbing, the procession of this family down the aisle, i said to my neighbor "i feel like my heart is breaking" and i really did.
my cousin remarried a safe, solid, kind man. those two girls call him "dad".
yet they never lose sight of the first dad in their lives. they quietly and nobly recognize the date of his death, and two years ago did a pilgrimage to a favorite area of his, the northern minnesota boundary waters canoe area. (the current husband stayed home)
my cousin seems to have balanced the need to grieve, the importance of honoring his contributions, the ability to tell the truth about his death (some family members have continued to call it an accident), and the very real need to move on and experience joy.
this summer the eldest daughter is getting married. she just graduated from college and will go to law school in the fall. she is beautiful, centered, and happy.
no guilt, deb
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Originally Posted by WizeDeb 
Im feeling so much better...
My daughter is doing great...
I know we are going to be ok and happy again in our lives...
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Read the words of Ecclesiastes 3;
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
You have had mourning, and will mourn a while yet...but not as intensely or constantly as before. Do not be guilty for when you feel moments of happiness, joy and fun...give thanks for these times, as they are God's gifts of refreshment for your soul.
Having your daughter with you and coping as she has, must be a blessing for you, and supporting each other is a further bond between you.
I have you both in my heart and prayers still.
God bless
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
You have had mourning, and will mourn a while yet...but not as intensely or constantly as before. Do not be guilty for when you feel moments of happiness, joy and fun...give thanks for these times, as they are God's gifts of refreshment for your soul.
Having your daughter with you and coping as she has, must be a blessing for you, and supporting each other is a further bond between you.
I have you both in my heart and prayers still.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Wonderful post, WizeDeb. I agree with your therapist. There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to enjoy life, to find laughter among friends and family. It's a healing balm for your soul, and a good example for your daughter. Keep up the good work and on those down days, mother yourself a little with self-spoiling behaviors. Work on those friendships and on making new ones also. Life moves forward! Thanks for sharing 
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