Help with Step 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 3
Help with Step 1
Hi all,
I am new to the site, never thought I would actually post something...but here it goes...
I have had addicts in my life for pretty much all of my 37 years. Starting at an early age of 5 and still currently to this day. Father, ex-husband, father of my son, ex boyfriends, step mothers and friends. I never realized the impact this has had on me until joining this site.
In the past 2 weeks, after reading all of the posts on step one of codependency, I was actually feeling relieved. I understand step one. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I had become very eager to continue learning and put myself first for the first time ever...
Today, for no reason at all, I feel depressed, hopeless, angry and so very sad. I can't seem to grasp step one on any level. My question is, how do I continue with step one when I feel this way? How do I get that feeling back that I am completely powerless to anyone else's actions, addict or not? And that I will be ok?
Thank you for reading...
I am new to the site, never thought I would actually post something...but here it goes...
I have had addicts in my life for pretty much all of my 37 years. Starting at an early age of 5 and still currently to this day. Father, ex-husband, father of my son, ex boyfriends, step mothers and friends. I never realized the impact this has had on me until joining this site.
In the past 2 weeks, after reading all of the posts on step one of codependency, I was actually feeling relieved. I understand step one. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I had become very eager to continue learning and put myself first for the first time ever...
Today, for no reason at all, I feel depressed, hopeless, angry and so very sad. I can't seem to grasp step one on any level. My question is, how do I continue with step one when I feel this way? How do I get that feeling back that I am completely powerless to anyone else's actions, addict or not? And that I will be ok?
Thank you for reading...
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
How? One day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time.
Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!
You will find support and information here, 24/7.
The three steps of recovery are:
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
I had to become aware of the alcoholism and codependency in my life. Then I had to accept that I was powerless to control alcoholism and powerless to control other people in my life.
Next, came my plan of action.
My actions have included this site, self-help books, and face-to-face Alanon meetings. I am getting the tools I need to live my life one day at a time.
Not all days are sunshine and rainbows. I also have blue days. Emotional days. Jubilant days, etc. It is part of the journey of discovering myself.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed!
Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!
You will find support and information here, 24/7.
The three steps of recovery are:
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
I had to become aware of the alcoholism and codependency in my life. Then I had to accept that I was powerless to control alcoholism and powerless to control other people in my life.
Next, came my plan of action.
My actions have included this site, self-help books, and face-to-face Alanon meetings. I am getting the tools I need to live my life one day at a time.
Not all days are sunshine and rainbows. I also have blue days. Emotional days. Jubilant days, etc. It is part of the journey of discovering myself.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
keep trying.
realize that it's sometimes two paces forward, one back.
come here for education and comfort.
don't keep secrets. (including w/yourself)
i had to revisit step one many times. i did not realize that i never really "got it" until fairly recently, and i've been in alanon for many years. i had just removed the active addict in my life, so i thought i was "cured". when another addict came into my life, and the overwhelming feelings of attraction, love, and hope for a future with him occured, i was sunk. i did not fully confront my powerlessness until things got really, really ugly. i tried so hard, and in the end, it didn't help; it just kept me in a world of hurt.
progress is not always linear.
realize that it's sometimes two paces forward, one back.
come here for education and comfort.
don't keep secrets. (including w/yourself)
i had to revisit step one many times. i did not realize that i never really "got it" until fairly recently, and i've been in alanon for many years. i had just removed the active addict in my life, so i thought i was "cured". when another addict came into my life, and the overwhelming feelings of attraction, love, and hope for a future with him occured, i was sunk. i did not fully confront my powerlessness until things got really, really ugly. i tried so hard, and in the end, it didn't help; it just kept me in a world of hurt.
progress is not always linear.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
The logical thing to do if you're feeling hopeless about step one is move on to step two. In my mind, as least.
And I'd say that this
would logically lead to times of this
but the good news, as Pelican pointed out, is that after this awareness sinks in, you can move on to acceptance then take action and fix your life. It's great news actually. You're the only person you have any control over, so fixing yourself makes the most sense.
Welcome!
And I'd say that this
I have had addicts in my life for pretty much all of my 37 years. Starting at an early age of 5 and still currently to this day. Father, ex-husband, father of my son, ex boyfriends, step mothers and friends. I never realized the impact this has had on me until joining this site.
Today, for no reason at all, I feel depressed, hopeless, angry and so very sad
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: michigan
Posts: 28
Hello Port2bella, You allready have great advice posted above!! I just want to wish you great luck and let you know you are gonna do great!!! Stay close to this site for great advice and encouragment!
I love mushrooms too lol!!
I love mushrooms too lol!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Port2bella, when I have an off day, when I feel all is wrong and I am down, when I fail to accept anything I have learnt....I quit for the day.
I don't think about anything specific, may go down the beach for a quiet look at an ocean that just keeps on coming in and out with the tide. May have a splurge on a massage, or wash my hair, or have a facial or listen to music.
Mainly something where I am not in contact with others, and can be alone with myself, to start with and often during the day, I have to pray....have a chat and lay it out before my closest and dearest friend....The One who never lets me down.
When I am back on track, I look at why it happened and see how I can avoid it in future....but for that short time, I just let go.
God bless
I don't think about anything specific, may go down the beach for a quiet look at an ocean that just keeps on coming in and out with the tide. May have a splurge on a massage, or wash my hair, or have a facial or listen to music.
Mainly something where I am not in contact with others, and can be alone with myself, to start with and often during the day, I have to pray....have a chat and lay it out before my closest and dearest friend....The One who never lets me down.
When I am back on track, I look at why it happened and see how I can avoid it in future....but for that short time, I just let go.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 3
Hi all!
Yesterday ended up getting better, thanks to you and this site. What amazing things it does for my soul to read and read and read here...
I did hop over to step 2 yesterday. I have never been religious, but have considered myself to be very spiritual. I have this feeling like I need to name my HP. Is it possible to practice step 2 without having an identity to my HP?
I haven't figured out how to quote others just yet, but I wanted to say to coffee, this "don't keep secrets. (including w/yourself)" is something I haven't stopped thinking about since...it's so true and something I really didn't realize I do. It definitly helps stay focused on step 1...
Thank you all so much for your posts, it really helps...
Oh and Achilles...YUMMMMMMM mushrooms
Yesterday ended up getting better, thanks to you and this site. What amazing things it does for my soul to read and read and read here...
I did hop over to step 2 yesterday. I have never been religious, but have considered myself to be very spiritual. I have this feeling like I need to name my HP. Is it possible to practice step 2 without having an identity to my HP?
I haven't figured out how to quote others just yet, but I wanted to say to coffee, this "don't keep secrets. (including w/yourself)" is something I haven't stopped thinking about since...it's so true and something I really didn't realize I do. It definitly helps stay focused on step 1...
Thank you all so much for your posts, it really helps...
Oh and Achilles...YUMMMMMMM mushrooms
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