No more excuses
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
No more excuses
I'm a new member & figured this is a good opportunity to get my feet wet and say a little bit about the shape I'm in...
I decided today, after making a few reoccurring regrettable decisions this past week while very drunk, that I need to stop drinking and that I may very well have a problem.
Alcohol and drug abuse has held it's roots in a number of my family members. For awhile I thought that as long as I made decent grades and graduated from college it didn't really matter if I smoked and drank a lot. Now (post graduation) that I'm trying to create a independent life for myself I'm beginning to realize that the decisions I make while intoxicated, or just the time that's consumed with this lifestyle, are detrimental to my overall being & greatly hinders my quest for balance, happiness, independence & most importantly accomplishing my goals (i.e. getting a master's degree, because that's a necessary next step for my B.S. degree).
I'm definitely interested in meeting more people with these same ideals & getting out of the lifestyle I've been leading, which has become quite stagnant...broken record style.
I realize that this is probably going to be the hardest thing I have had to do, because my social life is surrounded by booze & smoke and my will power is a precious commodity. It wouldn't be so bad if I could simply be a light social drinker, but unfortunately the sound of having a drink after having a drink just sounds too good & I end up getting myself into situations that really make me come down hard on myself the following day(s) & I've found myself feeling the need to apologize to friends the next day.
During this past week of getting extremely torn up almost 4 days straight (a day of "rest"--AKA going to work--in between) I not only regretted the decisions made, but it really made me aware of the pattern and therefore aware of the problem.
I hope to stay sober and to never sacrifice self respect or friendships for a night out, because all in all that's just not my definition of a good time & frankly it's become a major stress factor.
I decided today, after making a few reoccurring regrettable decisions this past week while very drunk, that I need to stop drinking and that I may very well have a problem.
Alcohol and drug abuse has held it's roots in a number of my family members. For awhile I thought that as long as I made decent grades and graduated from college it didn't really matter if I smoked and drank a lot. Now (post graduation) that I'm trying to create a independent life for myself I'm beginning to realize that the decisions I make while intoxicated, or just the time that's consumed with this lifestyle, are detrimental to my overall being & greatly hinders my quest for balance, happiness, independence & most importantly accomplishing my goals (i.e. getting a master's degree, because that's a necessary next step for my B.S. degree).
I'm definitely interested in meeting more people with these same ideals & getting out of the lifestyle I've been leading, which has become quite stagnant...broken record style.
I realize that this is probably going to be the hardest thing I have had to do, because my social life is surrounded by booze & smoke and my will power is a precious commodity. It wouldn't be so bad if I could simply be a light social drinker, but unfortunately the sound of having a drink after having a drink just sounds too good & I end up getting myself into situations that really make me come down hard on myself the following day(s) & I've found myself feeling the need to apologize to friends the next day.
During this past week of getting extremely torn up almost 4 days straight (a day of "rest"--AKA going to work--in between) I not only regretted the decisions made, but it really made me aware of the pattern and therefore aware of the problem.
I hope to stay sober and to never sacrifice self respect or friendships for a night out, because all in all that's just not my definition of a good time & frankly it's become a major stress factor.
great first post/share. Glad to have you with here with us.
Congrats on deciding to live a sober life. It takes some effort but it's really worth it.Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Welcome Atlas 
I think most of us would have loved to be a light social drinker too....but eventually we all have to accept 'nah...not gonna happen'.
The intangible damage I did (relationships, reputation, bad decisions etc) was I think worse than the tangible damage....its wonderful to live life not regretting what I did yesterday
Good to have you aboard, Atlas
D
I think most of us would have loved to be a light social drinker too....but eventually we all have to accept 'nah...not gonna happen'.
The intangible damage I did (relationships, reputation, bad decisions etc) was I think worse than the tangible damage....its wonderful to live life not regretting what I did yesterday
Good to have you aboard, Atlas
D
Mad about Saffron
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Darbydale
Posts: 50
Yea, being a "light social drinker" would be great, because I really enjoy the taste of beer.
However, decades of experience have shown me I simply can't stick to any limits I set for myself.
"I'll just have two (or three, or six) beers, that's it."
Yea, right.
I'm very new to the forum as well (welcome, BTW) and with just 10 days sober I shouldn't be giving anyone advice on anything, but if you think you have a problem, deal with it now.
Don't put yourself through years of regret.
However, decades of experience have shown me I simply can't stick to any limits I set for myself.
"I'll just have two (or three, or six) beers, that's it."
Yea, right.
I'm very new to the forum as well (welcome, BTW) and with just 10 days sober I shouldn't be giving anyone advice on anything, but if you think you have a problem, deal with it now.
Don't put yourself through years of regret.
Awakening
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome Atlas
I think most of us would have loved to be a light social drinker too....but eventually we all have to accept 'nah...not gonna happen'.
I think most of us would have loved to be a light social drinker too....but eventually we all have to accept 'nah...not gonna happen'.
Then again, I may have that "recent convert" militantism, and I'll just relax and get over it eventually. LOL
Rev
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome, Atlas -
It's common to think that not drinking will be difficult because your current social life evolves around it. Of course it does, we associate with people who have the same interests. And who we associate with says alot about ourselves.
It's a misconception that sobriety is boring - unless you don't want to be sober, that is.
Living life in recovery (ie, which is so much more than just not drinking) opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me.
Stick around - you'll see that we're anything but boring. Glad you're here.
It's common to think that not drinking will be difficult because your current social life evolves around it. Of course it does, we associate with people who have the same interests. And who we associate with says alot about ourselves.
It's a misconception that sobriety is boring - unless you don't want to be sober, that is.
Living life in recovery (ie, which is so much more than just not drinking) opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me.
Stick around - you'll see that we're anything but boring. Glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Originally Posted by AtlasMcGee
It wouldn't be so bad if I could simply be a light social drinker, but unfortunately the sound of having a drink after having a drink just sounds too good & I end up getting myself into situations that really make me come down hard on myself the following day(s) & I've found myself feeling the need to apologize to friends the next day.
Glad you are here and I am looking forward to seeing your progress. Remember to take it all one day at a time. Every day sober is a blessing.
All the best!!
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
Last night was the first get together with a few friends & new acquaintances & I'll admit I drank.
I went into the evening knowing that I was & justified it as me just testing myself--only having a certain amount, etc. I ended up getting tipsy--free rounds were passed a couple of times, my tolerance is still high though (since I've only not drank for 3 days prior). I'm not proud of giving in so easily, I tried to refuse the free shots, but obviously I wasn't serious enough in my attempts or strong enough in my willpower.
Nevertheless, I feel the night wasn't a total waste in my progression. A friend of mine ended up getting really hammered, apparently she gets this way when she drinks any dark liquor, but even knowing this she did & became really self-destructive (i.e. getting kicked out of the bar right before her boyfriend was about to perform & giving him HELL all night because he didn't leave right then to take her home. Pretty much creating a bunch of drama out of thin air & giving guilt trips galore.
I felt like I was watching a slightly exaggerated version of myself, but I don't have the current stress factors she has at the moment (i.e. mother of two (almost 2yr & 8 month), finals week, job). It just felt like I could potentially be looking into my future or something. I know that's strange, but that's the feeling I got.
Couldn't agree with you more REV
I went into the evening knowing that I was & justified it as me just testing myself--only having a certain amount, etc. I ended up getting tipsy--free rounds were passed a couple of times, my tolerance is still high though (since I've only not drank for 3 days prior). I'm not proud of giving in so easily, I tried to refuse the free shots, but obviously I wasn't serious enough in my attempts or strong enough in my willpower.
Nevertheless, I feel the night wasn't a total waste in my progression. A friend of mine ended up getting really hammered, apparently she gets this way when she drinks any dark liquor, but even knowing this she did & became really self-destructive (i.e. getting kicked out of the bar right before her boyfriend was about to perform & giving him HELL all night because he didn't leave right then to take her home. Pretty much creating a bunch of drama out of thin air & giving guilt trips galore.
I felt like I was watching a slightly exaggerated version of myself, but I don't have the current stress factors she has at the moment (i.e. mother of two (almost 2yr & 8 month), finals week, job). It just felt like I could potentially be looking into my future or something. I know that's strange, but that's the feeling I got.
Couldn't agree with you more REV
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
Sounds like your still in denial, Atlas. With the attempts to control and all. I found that normal people have no need to try to control their drinking/using, they just do it responsibly without any extra effort required.
If you are an alcoholic(only you can determine that) your tolerance still being high had nothing to do with only 3 days of abstinence. I had 5 months of abstinence last year and when i relapsed the quantity of alcohol and drugs it took to get me where i was prior to the abstinence was the same the first time, then got worse quickly. Addiction is progressive and it worsens whether you are using or not.
I know what it's like to know you're going to drink/use. Planning a relapse or whatever. For me it's always started in my head well before i actually picked up. But now that i've accepted what i am if i do pick up there are absolutely no excuses.
It takes what it takes to get clean & sober, but hoping for it does little more than leave you with the experience of hoping, and hoping some more. Battling addiction requires action, and acceptance of your condition is the first step toward change.
All the best to you on this journey.
If you are an alcoholic(only you can determine that) your tolerance still being high had nothing to do with only 3 days of abstinence. I had 5 months of abstinence last year and when i relapsed the quantity of alcohol and drugs it took to get me where i was prior to the abstinence was the same the first time, then got worse quickly. Addiction is progressive and it worsens whether you are using or not.
I know what it's like to know you're going to drink/use. Planning a relapse or whatever. For me it's always started in my head well before i actually picked up. But now that i've accepted what i am if i do pick up there are absolutely no excuses.
It takes what it takes to get clean & sober, but hoping for it does little more than leave you with the experience of hoping, and hoping some more. Battling addiction requires action, and acceptance of your condition is the first step toward change.
All the best to you on this journey.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
Atlas,
You might want to go back and read your first post on this thread. What happened to "no more excuses"? I hope you don't have to reach the depths of soul sickness that some of us had to reach before we were ready to get sober.
SusanLauren
You might want to go back and read your first post on this thread. What happened to "no more excuses"? I hope you don't have to reach the depths of soul sickness that some of us had to reach before we were ready to get sober.
SusanLauren
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
I wouldn't have been able to go out in the beginning and not drink. I guess, as you said, you knew it would happen.
As far as your girlfriend and her drinking because of the stress in her life, I can sit here and say I could come up with every excuse in the book to drink. If my life had stress I would drink. If my life was happy I would celebrate and drink. If my life . . . No one that is an alcoholic needs an excuse to drink. We drink because we don't know anything else.
If you really want to be sober then you have to change your lifestyle. I wouldn't go out in settings where there is alcohol involved for awhile if I were you. I would try to find a group of friends that didn't drink and had tools to work with when urges came. In other words, maybe find a face to face support group. If ALL your family and friends are into drinking then you need to find people that can actually handle being sober in life.
Just some suggestions and ideas for you to think about.
As far as your girlfriend and her drinking because of the stress in her life, I can sit here and say I could come up with every excuse in the book to drink. If my life had stress I would drink. If my life was happy I would celebrate and drink. If my life . . . No one that is an alcoholic needs an excuse to drink. We drink because we don't know anything else.
If you really want to be sober then you have to change your lifestyle. I wouldn't go out in settings where there is alcohol involved for awhile if I were you. I would try to find a group of friends that didn't drink and had tools to work with when urges came. In other words, maybe find a face to face support group. If ALL your family and friends are into drinking then you need to find people that can actually handle being sober in life.
Just some suggestions and ideas for you to think about.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Atlas, one good way to not drink is to avoid situations where you know lots of drinking will be occurring. I work in a restaurant where plenty of alcohol is consumed, and when I get off work I go straight home. I don't hang out because if I'm trying not to drink, there's no reason for me to be in that situation.
The same applies to other social settings. Most of my friends drink, and most aren't alcoholics. My fiancee works really hard during the week and when the weekend arrives she likes to go out with friends for dinner and drinks. These last 5 weeks I've simply not gone. There's really no reason for me to be there. I'll find a way to occupy myself. I may pick up a shift at work, or stay home and watch a movie or read some comic books or cook dinner or whatever.
My birthday is tomorrow, and I go to see the Atlanta Braves every year for my birthday. But this year is the first time I'll be doing it sober. So when I was thinking of people to invite to the game, I had to think about it and choose carefully. There are friends I would like to hang out with, but they drink a lot and that probably isn't the best situation for me to put myself in. So I invited people that may have a beer or two but don't get crazy with it, and people that are close to me and care about me and know about and are supportive of my sobriety.
Augustwest is correct. "It takes what it takes to get clean & sober, but hoping for it does little more than leave you with the experience of hoping, and hoping some more. Battling addiction requires action, and acceptance of your condition is the first step toward change." If you have a desire to stop drinking, you must be active. It doesn't just happen. You have to consciously take steps that assist you in your sobriety. You don't have to be a hermit, but it does help to avoid situations in which you usually drink. I also find that I did a lot of planning to drink; I would plan what I was going to drink, what store I should buy it at, how early I had to leave to hit the liquor store before the baseball game, think of what everybody else may want to drink...Now, I find that I have to plan to NOT drink. May sound strange, but I have to spend at least the amount of effort on my sobriety that I did on my drinking.
Good luck to you. Hope you find what you're looking for.
The same applies to other social settings. Most of my friends drink, and most aren't alcoholics. My fiancee works really hard during the week and when the weekend arrives she likes to go out with friends for dinner and drinks. These last 5 weeks I've simply not gone. There's really no reason for me to be there. I'll find a way to occupy myself. I may pick up a shift at work, or stay home and watch a movie or read some comic books or cook dinner or whatever.
My birthday is tomorrow, and I go to see the Atlanta Braves every year for my birthday. But this year is the first time I'll be doing it sober. So when I was thinking of people to invite to the game, I had to think about it and choose carefully. There are friends I would like to hang out with, but they drink a lot and that probably isn't the best situation for me to put myself in. So I invited people that may have a beer or two but don't get crazy with it, and people that are close to me and care about me and know about and are supportive of my sobriety.
Augustwest is correct. "It takes what it takes to get clean & sober, but hoping for it does little more than leave you with the experience of hoping, and hoping some more. Battling addiction requires action, and acceptance of your condition is the first step toward change." If you have a desire to stop drinking, you must be active. It doesn't just happen. You have to consciously take steps that assist you in your sobriety. You don't have to be a hermit, but it does help to avoid situations in which you usually drink. I also find that I did a lot of planning to drink; I would plan what I was going to drink, what store I should buy it at, how early I had to leave to hit the liquor store before the baseball game, think of what everybody else may want to drink...Now, I find that I have to plan to NOT drink. May sound strange, but I have to spend at least the amount of effort on my sobriety that I did on my drinking.
Good luck to you. Hope you find what you're looking for.
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