sparklinbluz

I haven't posted lately - but I have alot to say - that is for sure. I have been on quite a bit reading posts. I am 2 1/2 months into being newly single from a broken relationship with a sober alcoholic fiance (not sure what the abbrev is for that) there has been alot happening but I dont want to put it all here at once. He has been sober since Feb of last year. For his year anniversary he decided he would move out to find himself and leave after 8 years together. I cant get over the anger I am feeling I feel like it is consuming me - I hate alcoholism - I hate him - I hate that I cant just wake up tommorrow and be ok with all this. His drinking has been long before me and the only reason I am his longest relationship is because I was the only one stupid enough to put up with it for that long. It is so hard to seperate my feeling for the sober man I loved so much and the sloppy drunk I was sick to death of. I wish he was just a sloppy drunk all of our relationship and maybe it would be easier the time together would of been much much shorter anyway. I feel abandoned and unloved after all I babysat him and stuck it out when he was trashed and trying to drive somewhere. I am very bitter and I will probably post alot more of this depressing feeling I cant hold them inside anymore. I want to scream so loud in his face!! Easter was hard I was making food and balling my eyes out. My daughter said mom whats wrong and I said this is hard first holiday without your step dad (but like a real dad to her). So she calls him and talks to me and I said I was going to ask you to come for dinner but I wasnt sure if you would want to - he said sounded good to him. So he comes over and walks in and says how good I look and gives me big hugs and couple kisses. When he left he held my hand and squeezed it and cuople more hugs and kisses says I will call you. So of course no call so I called him and said what is up with us? I am not looking to jump into anything but I would like to not loose touch and try to work things out down the road. He tells me he still has growing to do and you never know what will happen down the road. WHAT is that suppose to mean why the hugs and kisses - I dont need mixed messages for you - I am trying to heal and I cant heal on maybes so I told him I wanted no contact with him and he cant come visit his old life whenever he sees fit. Doesnt work like that! Now I am moving couple streets down and I am having to deal with packing all the crap he decided to leave. Open my wound again and just pour salt in it. Why should I be not being able to heal and he is finding himself. He ticks me offfff!!!!

stella27

(((hugs))) that sounds like a really painful situation. I am sorry.

sparklinbluz

Thanks I need hugs - It is so hard to concentrate I am taking college classes decided to go to school and midterms, moving, and working full time are keeping me busy but just not feeling like doing any of it. I think I will take a break for next semester. How does everyone else deal with this. I thought about going to Alanon but I feel like that would just be thinking maybe we have a chance down the road. Maybe individual therapy would be better. How can he seem like he is not hurting over any of this situation. I know he is doing what he need to do but it is not fair to the families he left behind. We have been through alot in the 8 years we were together. I hope I can see things differently real soon cause this anger is not working. It is not fair he is leaving me to deal with getting the rest of his stuff packed is he taking the easy way out. Or not bring anything into his new life that reminds him of his drinking days.

theuncertainty

Hi, Sparklin,

Sorry that you're going though this.

Take it one day at a time, stop and breathe... When you catch yourself thinking about how great he can be, remember that just because he can be, doesn't mean he will be.



Why do you feel the need to move the crap he left? Toss it. Donate it. Give it away. Especially if you don't need it or don't like it. I made the mistake of keeping some of my AH's miscellaneous crap when I moved. Trust me, it won't help to have reminders around and once it's gone you'll start to feel much better.

sparklinbluz

You know what u r right - I should donate it I am sure people would love a $250 fishing poles and signed book of Pete Rose and a bunch of black and decker tools that is a great idea - I sent him a text to come get his stuff when I am not here so maybe that would be a little mean to now donate it but I would love it - I almost packed the receipe book for cocktails and put all his stuff in the liquor boxes I got to pack in - and include all the beer glasses he left me and took all the regular ones. But this would be something done out of anger and down the road I would not think it was such a great idea.

theuncertainty

Give him a deadline. Let him know that if he doesn't come get it, it will still be gone. If he had left it in an apartment or storage facility that he moved out of, they'd do the same or simply toss it...

Hang in there.

Summerpeach

Hi and welcome. Sorry you're going through this. My ex of 15 yrs did this, moved out and still came to visit. Turns out, he had a GF on the side.
In my long haul on this planet, there is a few things I've come to realize, men don't just leave to find themselves, they leave because there is someone else or to play games.

Now, in this case, maybe since he's in recovery and you weren't, he just changed.
Many times when addicts are together as addict and codies and one person recovers and other doesn't, the recovered one just feels different.

We cannot get in his head, but yeah, I would not just let him come and go as he pleases.
Al Anon is for you, not for him and therapy would also be good to get over your anger.
I understand you since this happened to me twice and worry it will happen again.

Summerpeach

or do what I did with my ex, I put it all outside and called him and said "Your stuff is outside and people with start to pick through it soon so you may want to come and get it"

That wasn't mean, that was taking my power back

sparklinbluz

I told him his belongings were all set to come and get - and he told me "I didnt take it on purpose. It is easier for you to throw what I have left there away" And the babysitting continues. what a piece of work Ill tell ya. When I reminded him about his fishing poles and autographed book of his favorite Pete Rose he changed his tune.
This might be wrong but it is important to me to make him deal with this he didnt want to take these things with him as reminders and I will be damned if I am going to let him off that easy. I am surrounded every day with reminders of him.