homeandaway

Hi, this is my first post, I am on my third start in two weeks to stop drinking. I looked at my old journals today, I was in the 'depressive' day after state, I cant beleive this problem is nearly nine years old, and I still have the same thought patterns. So have cleared the decks for the next week, theres no limit of 'me' time to cope with the anxiety. I dont want to go to a meeting, not yet, I dont even know if I want to never drink again. All I know is that I want to stop 'using' and that means abstinence for now. I dont do anything wrong while drinking, its just 'why' I drink, to not feel. Even positive emotions send me heading for the numbness of wine. Anyway, I feel my brain eroding and the cost of alcohol and so forth is just killing hopes for my future. I have only ever done 3 days before, I value the sharing on this site, its really strengthening, and I hope and expect im going to go well past the three day mark this time, thanks for listening

Rusty Zipper

welcome to the family H&A

just keep in mind,

alcoholism and addictions are progressive

and good wishes on your way to a better life journey

Hevyn

Hi homeandaway - nice to meet you. As Rusty said, alcoholism is progressive. I never did anything wrong or illegal for many years, but because I kept drinking everything changed when I got older. I no longer had any control, and my life became chaos.

I'm glad you found us - there are many supportive and great people here who've been where you are now. It's good you're coming to this conclusion about your drinking and have decided to take action, before things spin out of control. It sounds like you are ready for a change. Let us know how it's going.

least

Welcome to SR! Good for you for deciding to stop drinking. It will get worse if you continue, so it's good to stop now. Lots of support and information here so read and ask questions.

Kmber2010

Welcome to SR!! Tons of support and information is available here spy it out. You sounded much like me when I first realized that my drinking was a problem. I didn't want alcohol to be a crutch but I wasn't still sure I had a problem. I battled that for years and tried to justify my drinking and misery before admitting that I am alcoholic.

All the best!!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us. I know that you will find lots of support here.

Mark75

Neither did I, do anything wrong, well, maybe some unsafe stuff, but never cheated, stole or fought... I could've done a lot more things right.... It was the why I drank... Numb the feelings, negative, positive and all the ones in between.... It was those in between ones... the ones where I just felt out of balance, not knowing, really, what it was, and it was, nothing in particular... Maybe it was just the feeling of a very low blood alcohol content ... but I don't think so... I'm still meditating and working on that one, and I have come to realize that it may just be "it is what it is" (Hate that expression....)!!

Take that gift of insight you have been given and develop it, listen to it... Maybe you want to drink again, but as someone who didn't get that insight very early on, I would urge you not to until you have examined that further.

I think that reflex to drink is there to stay. So I don't drink.

Welcome to SR

Mark

CarolD

Good to know your heading into a healthy sober future.
Welcome to our recovery community.....

homeandaway

Thanks so much everyone, mark - its comforting to know Im not alone (I mean I know Im not but always good to hear it again, not wishing bad things on people but just misery loves company...ok I will stop digging that hole). I had written in my journal when I first started looking through this site at Easter that I am the same as people with bigger problems, and to treat myself as any less addicted because Im not out and about causing trouble just is being precious. Thanks everyone for strengthening me by pointing out Im catching things that will grow if I dont stick at it. I need your help.

Catkill23

The first 3 or 4 months the urge will be there. But as the promises state, they wfill leave. And you feel so much better. It does take a while though but is worth it. It's the only thing that you don't have to pay monetarily to get, and get so much rewards. I was used to making triple digit incomes the past 15 years, college grad etc...

I never thought I would be so happy now making a quarter of that, The peace is tremendous. The key is don't let other people **** with it though. Try to help and get the **** out given resisitance. Personal recovery, survival is key.

I'll let other people make the triple figures, stress out, kiss ass, and pretend they are someone they are not. If they need to have a few drinks to do this and can control it, they deserve the money. I don't want that anymore.

homeandaway

Hi Catkill23....

Good on you - authentic living - me too. It has its challenges but your attitude is right on, I agree. I have happily stripped everything back, well I exagerate not that happily but I just think about what priorities and beliefs are being expressed by good decisions and I feel motivated. I wish my family would support me though, they dont, and it does my head in. Nevermind...onward and upward. Im busy hibernating right now as this day two is proving far more challenging than normal. Its also that Im not smoking, alcohol on its own would be less excruiciating but smoking opens a pathway I find.

Maybe your going to have that income later on your own terms with like minded people?

homeandaway

Nearly 7 year sober in two days. I feel so depressed tonight, for other reasons. I got my happy birthday message from SR, so I thought I would jump back in here and reflect a bit on my blessings

Wholesome

7 years sober is ammmmmmaaaaaaazzing!!! Sorry you are feeling down for other reasons, hope whatever it is gets resolved.

PhoenixJ

sobriety PLAN/MEETINGS/COUNSELLOR/DOC/oops caps lock/ journal/mindful breathing/exercise/perhaps church/SMART/skills to deal with cravings....???

Dee74

I'm sorry your depressed homeandaway - let us know how we can help?

Congrats on 7 years tho
D

MIRecovery

If we do not change we are condemned to stay the same. I had make systemic change in my life. I only had to change one thing and that was everything

SimplyFree

Your post could be me....I know I'm better off without wine. Day 21 here...it's been a challenge, but I don't regret it. Glad you are here and I'm glad to be here.