Tonight's the night
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Tonight's the night
...STBXAH gets served...and I'm nervous. Not overly so, but still, this is a big step for me.
I'm asking for sole custody and child support payments, which have been calculated to a mere 300$ a year because I do not have access to STBXAH's 2009 tax report nor to any information relating to his current job.
I know I had told him I'd go for joint custody but frankly, he's just not showing much interest in DD. His week-day visits have ceased altogether in the last 2 months. This may be partially due to my changing DD's daycare to a place that's out of his way, but I did offer to drive DD halfway, to his work for example, one evening a week, so he could continue to see her. He just accused me to bullying him out of DD's life and never took her again on weekdays. His week-end visits have been getting shorter and shorter as time passes by. Also, he didn't take her last week, because he was going away for Easter and this Sunday, he texted me to tell me to "wait for his confirmation before bringing over DD". Now, I understand that his son had been sick all night and I appreciate him not taking DD and potentially getting her sick, but I don't like being told to "wait for his confirmation" as if I have nothing better to do. Anyhow, he hasn't seen DD in 3 weeks...and tonight he gets served.
I know he'll be furious that I'm asking for sole custody. What he doesn't know is that all he need to do to get visitation is to show up in court on May 3rd and contest. Asking for sole custody was my lawyer's idea of an aggressive strategy...ideally designed to get him not to show up in court altogether, (just like for his first and third sons).
Let's hope STBXAH doesn't have a freak out due to being served, but in case he does:
Tonight, I made an appointment with a guidance counsellor to discuss potential professional avenues *other than* being a legal secretary. I won't be home until 8:00 p.m. or so, and then I'll be with my parents. We're all bracing ourselves for the Apocalypse because STBXAH is known for his freak-outs, threats and even calls to the police. We'll be on high alert for the next few days I guess. Finally, I'm having lunch with a friend in 30 minutes to talk out the extra jitters.
Cross your fingers for me SR family!
I'm asking for sole custody and child support payments, which have been calculated to a mere 300$ a year because I do not have access to STBXAH's 2009 tax report nor to any information relating to his current job.
I know I had told him I'd go for joint custody but frankly, he's just not showing much interest in DD. His week-day visits have ceased altogether in the last 2 months. This may be partially due to my changing DD's daycare to a place that's out of his way, but I did offer to drive DD halfway, to his work for example, one evening a week, so he could continue to see her. He just accused me to bullying him out of DD's life and never took her again on weekdays. His week-end visits have been getting shorter and shorter as time passes by. Also, he didn't take her last week, because he was going away for Easter and this Sunday, he texted me to tell me to "wait for his confirmation before bringing over DD". Now, I understand that his son had been sick all night and I appreciate him not taking DD and potentially getting her sick, but I don't like being told to "wait for his confirmation" as if I have nothing better to do. Anyhow, he hasn't seen DD in 3 weeks...and tonight he gets served.
I know he'll be furious that I'm asking for sole custody. What he doesn't know is that all he need to do to get visitation is to show up in court on May 3rd and contest. Asking for sole custody was my lawyer's idea of an aggressive strategy...ideally designed to get him not to show up in court altogether, (just like for his first and third sons).
Let's hope STBXAH doesn't have a freak out due to being served, but in case he does:
Tonight, I made an appointment with a guidance counsellor to discuss potential professional avenues *other than* being a legal secretary. I won't be home until 8:00 p.m. or so, and then I'll be with my parents. We're all bracing ourselves for the Apocalypse because STBXAH is known for his freak-outs, threats and even calls to the police. We'll be on high alert for the next few days I guess. Finally, I'm having lunch with a friend in 30 minutes to talk out the extra jitters.
Cross your fingers for me SR family!
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I hope all goes well for you and he doesn't show up in court. I would guess, judging from his past behavior, that he will try to contact you and intimidate you into doing what he wants. That would save him the trouble of showing up in court. But, you know what to expect from him, so I'm sure your phone will be turned off, right?
L
L
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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ooooooh the Doubt Monster has me in its grasp with its "shouldas" "couldas" "wouldas" (ouch my English grammar!). I'm starting to regret taking my lawyer's advice about asking for sole custody right off the bat instead of asking for primary physical custody....I'll admit the doubts came right after posting in my parenting community about tonight and having some people disagree with the strategy, even calling it "playing school girl games" and "not being a woman and standing up". So, granted, I'm a little uncertain about all this divorce stuff, especially divorcing an alcoholic, which explains how unsettled I've become after the potshots thrown at me by some people, but I honestly thought that this was a sound strategy considering AH's past behaviour.
Perhaps I'm feeling like a rogue golfer who forgot to yell "Fore" when the ball went astray and started hurtling towards someone's head (or in this case, the genitals).
Perhaps I'm feeling like a rogue golfer who forgot to yell "Fore" when the ball went astray and started hurtling towards someone's head (or in this case, the genitals).
Curled up in a good book...
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Public forums are great for support etc but when it comes to legal things, your lawyer's advice should always be listened to first! I hope the fall out isn't as bad as you anticipate and well done for getting your plans in order in case it is!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Does your parenting group consist of wives of active, abusive, bullying and irresponsible alcoholics, or are they "normal" mums and dads who are NOT living your life?
Frankly Noday, I think your lawyer was right, after all how long can you live wondering and in fear of what Ah is going to do? You have support in place and if he freaks out, good for him....it may give more evidence of his insane behavior and unstable actions, which would have bells ringing to a judge.
The Doubt Monster is a scaredy cat really, so afraid of rocking the boat it tries to stop anyone moving on, or changing what is. Yell BOO at it, and watch it run.
I am on to praying now, so calm down and know this is for you and your child, not about your ah or anyone else.
God bless
Frankly Noday, I think your lawyer was right, after all how long can you live wondering and in fear of what Ah is going to do? You have support in place and if he freaks out, good for him....it may give more evidence of his insane behavior and unstable actions, which would have bells ringing to a judge.
The Doubt Monster is a scaredy cat really, so afraid of rocking the boat it tries to stop anyone moving on, or changing what is. Yell BOO at it, and watch it run.
I am on to praying now, so calm down and know this is for you and your child, not about your ah or anyone else.
God bless
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The fallout
Well, I don't want to say anything and jinx this, but so far so good.
I surmise that AH was served last night because he called my house and grilled my father about why I wasn't home when he called. He also called my cell while I was in my meeting with the guidance counsellor and then left a vaguely threatening text message saying something like "BTW I still have your journal from when you stripped full time. Remind me to give it to you".
Then he called my work this morning, but I let it go to voicemail.
That's it so far.
So, the big bad wolf doesn't even seem to be able to huff and puff. Hopefully this is a continuing trend.
I surmise that AH was served last night because he called my house and grilled my father about why I wasn't home when he called. He also called my cell while I was in my meeting with the guidance counsellor and then left a vaguely threatening text message saying something like "BTW I still have your journal from when you stripped full time. Remind me to give it to you".
Then he called my work this morning, but I let it go to voicemail.
That's it so far.
So, the big bad wolf doesn't even seem to be able to huff and puff. Hopefully this is a continuing trend.
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Ok. Well I will be praying for you today.
Keep telling yourself what a quacker he is, and that his track record sucks bigtime.
Re your journal comment....ask him where his Father of the year award is.
Empty drums make the most noise. Every time he speaks he proves this is true.
God bless
Keep telling yourself what a quacker he is, and that his track record sucks bigtime.
Re your journal comment....ask him where his Father of the year award is.
Empty drums make the most noise. Every time he speaks he proves this is true.
God bless
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Well, I've been journaling for years and years and we did live together, so there was a time where he had access to my old writing. I kept it all in a box someplace. One time several years ago, he went on his own personal witch hunt where he grilled me for hours and hours about what he had read in my journal, asking me to explain and justify every thought and feeling. I was so used to being under his thumb that I answered everything, or at least tried to, thinking that if I could just be "more honest" or "completely transparent" he'd stop questioning me.
He never did. He said he did and "forgave me" for my mistakes, but he never found THE TRUTH as he conceived of it. In his mind, I--and all other women, were lying whores who only used men to get what they needed.
Whenever things got bad between him and I, he'd refer to my journals saying he'd use them against me. I think he may have held on to one of them as "proof" that I was a horrible mother (because I was a stripper who supported his lazy @ss for 2 years while he whined and b*tched about how unfaithful I was being). He plans on using them in court against me, or so he says. I don't know whether to believe him or not, because he's fully capable to making things up to frighten me (just like he did when he suggested he has footage of me saying I'm a child porn addict).
He never did. He said he did and "forgave me" for my mistakes, but he never found THE TRUTH as he conceived of it. In his mind, I--and all other women, were lying whores who only used men to get what they needed.
Whenever things got bad between him and I, he'd refer to my journals saying he'd use them against me. I think he may have held on to one of them as "proof" that I was a horrible mother (because I was a stripper who supported his lazy @ss for 2 years while he whined and b*tched about how unfaithful I was being). He plans on using them in court against me, or so he says. I don't know whether to believe him or not, because he's fully capable to making things up to frighten me (just like he did when he suggested he has footage of me saying I'm a child porn addict).
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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Sounds like he's rattling the cage he's put himself in. You just step back and let him burn himself out in there.
I can't imagine at all what would prompt someone to say "be a woman and stand up." Since I don't know the details around that statement, I will let it go. But on its face, it's gawling to me. You are standing up as the mother of your children and I cannot applaud that enough.
Stay strong. God bless.
Alice
I can't imagine at all what would prompt someone to say "be a woman and stand up." Since I don't know the details around that statement, I will let it go. But on its face, it's gawling to me. You are standing up as the mother of your children and I cannot applaud that enough.
Stay strong. God bless.
Alice
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day 
Well, I've been journaling for years and years and we did live together, so there was a time where he had access to my old writing. I kept it all in a box someplace. One time several years ago, he went on his own personal witch hunt where he grilled me for hours and hours about what he had read in my journal, asking me to explain and justify every thought and feeling. I was so used to being under his thumb that I answered everything, or at least tried to, thinking that if I could just be "more honest" or "completely transparent" he'd stop questioning me.
He never did. He said he did and "forgave me" for my mistakes, but he never found THE TRUTH as he conceived of it. In his mind, I--and all other women, were lying whores who only used men to get what they needed.
Whenever things got bad between him and I, he'd refer to my journals saying he'd use them against me. I think he may have held on to one of them as "proof" that I was a horrible mother (because I was a stripper who supported his lazy @ss for 2 years while he whined and b*tched about how unfaithful I was being). He plans on using them in court against me, or so he says. I don't know whether to believe him or not, because he's fully capable to making things up to frighten me (just like he did when he suggested he has footage of me saying I'm a child porn addict).
He never did. He said he did and "forgave me" for my mistakes, but he never found THE TRUTH as he conceived of it. In his mind, I--and all other women, were lying whores who only used men to get what they needed.
Whenever things got bad between him and I, he'd refer to my journals saying he'd use them against me. I think he may have held on to one of them as "proof" that I was a horrible mother (because I was a stripper who supported his lazy @ss for 2 years while he whined and b*tched about how unfaithful I was being). He plans on using them in court against me, or so he says. I don't know whether to believe him or not, because he's fully capable to making things up to frighten me (just like he did when he suggested he has footage of me saying I'm a child porn addict).
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Save every threat like this. Don't delete anything - and print what you can.
Your lawyer may find them very useful. And say nothing to him unless you would like it used against you...he sounds like he's smoldering.
Freak is right.
Your lawyer may find them very useful. And say nothing to him unless you would like it used against you...he sounds like he's smoldering.
Freak is right.
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Noday, I don't mean to freak you out with "the interwebz is a small place" vibes, but I'm on that other message board too, and those ladies don't know what the F they're talking about. Tons of peeps on there think they're qualified to give legal and medical advice, and they just ain't.
I would love to see your X try to submit the journal as evidence. It would be hilarious. It's totally irrelevant to anything having to do with being a mother. You should just say, "If you feel that's necessary, then do what you have to do." Don't sweat it.
I would love to see your X try to submit the journal as evidence. It would be hilarious. It's totally irrelevant to anything having to do with being a mother. You should just say, "If you feel that's necessary, then do what you have to do." Don't sweat it.
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wanting...thank you so much for posting that. It means a lot that you did. Let's just say that I was very disturbed by what was said to me, because it's been such a struggle to get away from AH and to remember that he *did* use, abuse, manipulate and lie to me for years.
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Formerly known as "imtheidiot" or "quivering bowl of jello", but no longer!
my perspective? he is a good for nothing loon. not a man.
i am surprised your dad let him grill him about where you were?
i thought your dad had a temper?
but none of my business. just nosy.
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Yep, my dad *had* a temper, before his heart condition asserted itself, but now with a pacemaker in his chest, he's much more even-tempered and rather sensitive. Also, he mistakenly answered the telephone thinking it was me calling, since XAH's cell and mine have the same three first digits. I guess he got caught off guard, but as soon as he started getting pissed off, he got hung up on. Nice.
And yeah, I'm SO grateful for SR's continuing presence and support in my life. It's been priceless.
And yeah, I'm SO grateful for SR's continuing presence and support in my life. It's been priceless.
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