6 weeks of NC - Feeling A LOT better
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
6 weeks of NC - Feeling A LOT better
I'm feeling a lot better about things now. NC really is the quickest path to wellness when recovering from the XA whirlwind of pain.
I still get angry sometimes, but it's less and less now. I used to miss him more. Now I'm a lot more realistic about who he is - that makes me miss him a lot less. I mean, he was selfish, manipulative, and a liar. Why was it so hard for me to see that before? He was using me. It's so weird how quickly things become clear once you remove yourself from the situation. I couldn't see it at all when I was in it, I was so blinded by hope and fantasy.
I feel kinda disappointed in myself for allowing it to happen. Why didn't I take better care of myself? Why wasn't I more honest with myself?
I still stop in here almost every day. I guess I don't feel immune yet. I worry that he might show up and I'll somehow forget what I know now. It's like I'm worried he'll cast the alchie spell on me.
I think I read the posts in here so I won't forget, so I'll remember every day just in case he comes back. I want to be ready with the combined knowledge of my fellow survivors.
I can see the appeal of getting involved with someone else right away, you know, so you lessen the chance of relapse with the XA? I wish I could date again right away for that reason, but I just can't.
In 6 weeks, my life feels stable and peaceful again, I feel better about myself, I've made new friends, I've gotten so much closer to achieving some important goals I set for myself, and I just feel happier and stronger in general.
It's was really hard to let go, but I think I have. I really hope I have. I guess time will tell.
Just checking in.
I still get angry sometimes, but it's less and less now. I used to miss him more. Now I'm a lot more realistic about who he is - that makes me miss him a lot less. I mean, he was selfish, manipulative, and a liar. Why was it so hard for me to see that before? He was using me. It's so weird how quickly things become clear once you remove yourself from the situation. I couldn't see it at all when I was in it, I was so blinded by hope and fantasy.
I feel kinda disappointed in myself for allowing it to happen. Why didn't I take better care of myself? Why wasn't I more honest with myself?
I still stop in here almost every day. I guess I don't feel immune yet. I worry that he might show up and I'll somehow forget what I know now. It's like I'm worried he'll cast the alchie spell on me.
I think I read the posts in here so I won't forget, so I'll remember every day just in case he comes back. I want to be ready with the combined knowledge of my fellow survivors.
I can see the appeal of getting involved with someone else right away, you know, so you lessen the chance of relapse with the XA? I wish I could date again right away for that reason, but I just can't.
In 6 weeks, my life feels stable and peaceful again, I feel better about myself, I've made new friends, I've gotten so much closer to achieving some important goals I set for myself, and I just feel happier and stronger in general.
It's was really hard to let go, but I think I have. I really hope I have. I guess time will tell.
Just checking in.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
I haven't been on here in so long, but it is so good to hear that you are doing well. I'm working on the no contact thing myself, and though he is trying his best to keep the lines of communication open with text messages and notes left at the house, I'm sticking to my guns. I know that this is the best thing for both of us.
It's a horrible feeling when we get stuck in the "what the hell was I thinking?!" mode. We are so quick to punish ourselves for what we should have known, should have seen. But it's all a lesson, things we have learned about what we want and what we deserve in life.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Chalk it up to experience, a lesson learned. I'm always happy to read about others that have successfully separated from their A's, it makes me more confident about what i am trying to do!
We deserve so much better, thanks and congrats for all your hard work!
It's a horrible feeling when we get stuck in the "what the hell was I thinking?!" mode. We are so quick to punish ourselves for what we should have known, should have seen. But it's all a lesson, things we have learned about what we want and what we deserve in life.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Chalk it up to experience, a lesson learned. I'm always happy to read about others that have successfully separated from their A's, it makes me more confident about what i am trying to do!
We deserve so much better, thanks and congrats for all your hard work!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Thanks KiKi! I can't imagine if he were leaving notes at my house too! How long have you been NC? I've received two emails from him in the 6 weeks. I tried not to read them, but I did. I didn't respond. I'm actually surprised at how easily he's let me go. It's like he was glad to see me leave so he could just concentrate on his number 1 priority - beer.
I'm glad you're working through it successfully too. Also, it's nice to not go through stuff like this alone.
I'm glad you're working through it successfully too. Also, it's nice to not go through stuff like this alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
That's one big thing about coming to SR, it seems that no matter what someone is coping/notcoping with and going thru with an A, there are others in virtually the same boat.
Maybe the theme song for SR should be "You'll Never Walk Alone."
Glad you are both doing so well with your NC from your A's.
God bless
Maybe the theme song for SR should be "You'll Never Walk Alone."
Glad you are both doing so well with your NC from your A's.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
I keep repeating to myself..what happened with my A didnt happen overnight so my healing will be a process as well. I never imagined how tough it can be but it has been and guess what..I am still ok. My HP is sending me what I need and slowly there are baby steps being made. I want to take the 180lbs of dead weight he was to me and be free..to be me!
I imagine a life free of lies, full of honesty and genuine communication. I imagine a life worth living and learning about myself. Instead of worrying about the next lie or drink..I imagine learning how to bake or finishing school and living the life I want. I imagine a good life full of positives. Instead of the craziness. The craziness has been around for a while so it will take a bit of time to move forward. But I will never be stuck again...Live your life to the fullest...Ahh.I feel the relief when I write this..
You are doing so well and helping others by writing this..
I imagine a life free of lies, full of honesty and genuine communication. I imagine a life worth living and learning about myself. Instead of worrying about the next lie or drink..I imagine learning how to bake or finishing school and living the life I want. I imagine a good life full of positives. Instead of the craziness. The craziness has been around for a while so it will take a bit of time to move forward. But I will never be stuck again...Live your life to the fullest...Ahh.I feel the relief when I write this..
You are doing so well and helping others by writing this..
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