box3

I'm here to try again. I first came to this forum back in August of last year, and with your support, I made it to 100 days sober. My sobriety started to unravel during a holiday with my family over Christmas and New Year. It was an important trip, I was taking my elderly, blind grandmother interstate to visit her son and daughter in law. I knew that one of my family members drank on a daily basis and I was worried that I would crack in that kind of environment.

I did crack.

Despite repeatedly stating that I didn't drink, I was continually offered alcohol and expected to sit with the family as they enjoyed their evening drinks on the veranda. It was too triggering at that early stage of my sobriety, so I joined in with the evening ritual. No one got drunk, but I was on my way to another alcoholic decline. I had also chosen this time to give up smoking, in retrospect it was too early to heap more pressure on myself and fight another addiction. I didn't tell my family that I am an alcoholic, they would have been more supportive if I had, on the other hand, the family member who drinks would have had to face their own alcohol issues. I enabled to keep the status quo.

Since returning home I've been drinking every weekend. I have major depression and anxiety, and whether sober or drunk, the treatment for this isn't working. I am agitated and suicidal a lot. My therapist would like me to test for biological factors, i.e. hormonal issues, etc. Nothing gives relief, but alcohol provides the illusion of taking away the pain. It also compounds the problem, which is why I need to stop.

coffeenut

We're glad you're back.

Anna

Hi Box,

I'm glad you're back!

I am glad that you are seeing a therapist and I hope that you continue to seek treatment for your depression.

newagain

so happy you are back. you can do this. i find that if i visualize myself sober i can see what i am like as a sober person and i love it...so it gives me strength to keep going. i know i am only at two days, but so far it has helped.

traderjane

Welcome back, Box! The August thread is still going strong. Hope you join us again.

least

Welcome back. Glad you are getting help with other issues, I live with depression and bipolar so know what it's like. I hope you can make sobriety a priority again and know the peace of living sober.

CarolD

Welcome back...

When I was diagnosed with situational depression
my psychiatrist suggested AA.
It's been working quite well for me.....

Dee74

I'm glad you're back, Box - you've been missed.
You have a lot of friends here - use us - you're not alone

D

Impurrfect

Welcome back!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

box3

Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot. Here's to sober days. xx

LifeIs

Hi Box,

Sorry to hear you cracked and your depressed, too. Important is that you have come back. I am new, but welcome you back anyway. I can feel for you as I suffer with PTSD.

You made the decision to come back so now lets take it one day at a time.

Wishing you all the strength you need.:ghug3

box3

LifeIs, thank you.

Day 2, had a pleasant lunch with the family - declined the wine.

box3

My therapist informed me after our last session that she is not seeing clients for a while and asked me to go back to my doctor for another referral. It would have been more useful, and perhaps even more professional, if she had mentioned this at the start of the session so we could discuss alternatives.

I'm struggling. I'm getting to 5 days sober max, then I relapse. I have to work on a plan.

Dee74

why do you think you're back in the 5 day cycle, Box?

D

box3

Thanks for your question, Dee. I'm just about to go out, I'll have a think about why and come back with my answers.

box3

Dee, stress is a trigger for me, and my current place of employment is very stressful, which is why at the end of the week I reach for the easiest way to block everything out. Loneliness is also a trigger, I live alone and have social anxiety which makes it difficult for me to form a solid support network. Exercise is a major way for me to de-stress and recentre, however due to health issues I've been unable to do this.

I need to restructure my time; plan healthy activities for the weekend. I've been lazy and uncommitted to my recovery process. I'm scared to not have my crutch anymore.

Dee74

I just wondered

I'm in a similar situation in a lot of ways.

Stress is a biggie for me - I have a lot of perennial health and money worries, and I have social anxiety issues, and exercise is both increasingly necessary and increasingly difficult for me...

The thing is of course we both know it's possible to deal with all of that in other ways...

When I read this from you:
I nodded, cos I still remember that feeling.

Maybe that's the crux?
The biggest initial effort is that first leap. But you've done it before
You can do it again.

The really big effort in all of this is making it 'stick', but that's later down t'road.

I believe you can do that too

D

box3

Dee, thanks for your encouragement and insight. You're a good man.

I think I can do it too. I'm putting together a list today of activities I can do other than drinking. Sounds simple, but it's important. I'm giving myself a 30 day ban on alcohol, which I want to extend to forever, but mentally it's easier (read: less scary) starting with a smaller chunk of time.

traderjane

Box, you sound so much like me. I tend to be able to string together 5 days sober no problem and then I say: Why am I doing this again? And I cave. I drink to relieve stress and lonlieness as well and have actually been more aware of my feelings before I even drink.

I, too, have a 30 day plan as an immediate goal and then hopefully add on from there. It does seem less scary to me that way.

We can do this!!!

box3

Hi TJ,

I'm so pleased you're still here on SR. With support and work we can do this.

The 5 day pattern can be broken, but I personally need to be 100% committed, active and diligent. I haven't been lately, I've been passive and self-sabotaging.