EverettsWife

Just spent some really nice time with my 17-year-old stepdaughter. She came home after school play practice, flopped down on the couch near where I was working and started chatting about her day while she flipped through a magazine. Kid about talked my ear off.

Talk continued over dinner. Just normal stuff -- boyfriend, college, friends ... So relaxed.

Her dad will be home soon and he and I are in for some tough talk and I might be facing making some changes. I hate what that will do to this young woman who's made so much progress since her dad I were married. It's done her a world of good to have an adult female friend with standards, who enforces some discipline, who knows how to laugh.

She lives with her mom and stepdad, spends two weeks at a time at each house. So if I leave I'm sure she'll end up with her mom almost full time -- nothing wrong with that. They are very close.

But I do feel like it'll leave a hole in her life. I know she and I can still get together, but it won't be the same. She's a junior -- senior year next year, then off to college. I really hate the idea of rocking her world when she's so close to making it out of all this relatively unscathed.

She knows her dad is an alcoholic/addict, but she doesn't know the full extent of what's been going on. I don't know how much to tell her, and how much to keep to myself.

Right now I'm just biding my time, waiting to see how things go tonight. If he's still in the grip of this, I'm going to have to make other plans for my life. And figure out how to tell my stepdaughter. My own kids and stepson already are out of the house, at college, so it won't be so hard on them.

It's hard to think about -- especially after spending such a nice couple of hours with her.

coffeedrinker

Oh isn't it the way for things to appear and mess with our thinking?

I'm at least glad you have been able to have such a good connection, and a nice chat today. Sounds delightful.

Wishing you strength

EverettsWife

Yeah, of ALL days for her to come home chatty, instead of just heading up to her room till dinner! It was nice, though.

Her dad came home and we had a quiet, serious talk. He was not defensive. He did not try to make me feel crazy. He was not full of excuses. He was open and honest, with none of the usual games or manipulation. AND he backed it up with action -- perhaps most important.

This morning on his way to work, he stopped at the bank, and moved a chunk of money his father recently sent him from an account only he had access to to a joint account that I can see online at any time. Effectively removing his ability to use that money for drugs -- of his own accord. Cut himself off. I can respect that.

As for anything beyond that, I'll just see what each day brings. If they bring peace and love, great. If other stuff creeps in, I know what to do -- still working on the "how" to do it, but I'll figure it out as I go.

Spiritual Seeker

Know that your time in her life was well spent for both of you.
Your influence most likely will make a lasting influence beyond what you can know.

MsPINKAcres

Considering the feelings of ALL of my daughters was tough for me - I have 3 step-daughters - they had been a part of my life for over 16 yrs - I knew leaving would change our relationship -

I was very fortunate - it actually helped us grow closer (and I didn't think that was even possible) They didn't have to choose between their father and I (which I'm grateful) we were just able to openly share more of our feelings between each other.

Prayers and BIG HUGS to you - no matter how your decisions and life goes -I hope that you and she are always able to maintain that close relationship - it is one of my greatest blessings!

HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita