mamasantore1

My husband is a closet drinker. We have been married for 15 years. About 8 years ago he bacame addicted to pain killers. He has gone through all the steps of admitting it, and putting it behind him. He hasn't touched pain killers for at least 3 years. He has, however, gone through some time of being on and off ADD meds and now he had begun to drink. I have always been patient with him. I love him and I don't want to leave him, but the drinking is starting to get really bad. It used to be that he would only come home from worked buzzed about 3 times a week. Now it's every night. He is mean, annoying and the kids know something is wrong. I spoke with him about it 2 months ago and he promised me he wouldn't touch it any more and that it would get better, but it has only gotten worse. If it wern't for my 7 year old son who idolizes his dad, I would have left long ago. We are a religious family and he pretends to be a "religious" man and thinks no one notices what is really going on. I can't make him stop. I don't know what to do. I can't watch him ruin his life anymore but I don't want to abandon him either. What do I do?!?!?

Hadassah

Only you can decide how long you want/can put up with this behavior. All I can tell is from my own experience that it does not get better, only worse.
A divorce might be easier on a smaller child vs a teenager. I am going through this right now, and my kids are devastated. They are all teens. Personally, I wouldn't wait until they get any older. Please get some help for yourself and the kids right now. Your AH can only help himself. If he won't do it, save yourself and your kids from a very painful life that is only to get worse.
God bless you and your kids. gina

Pelican

Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family!

You will find lots of support and information here for yourself. Some of our stories are in the permanent (sticky) posts at the top of the forum.

Have you considered going to Alanon meetings for face to face support? It is a 12 step program for friends and family of alcoholics. One of the first things I learned at Alanon was the three C's:

I did not cause it
I can not control it
I will not cure it

The responsibility to control and cure the addiction belongs to the alcoholic.

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed!

Jadmack25

I waited until my kids were in their 20's, and the eldest was even married, before I left their dad, and they were shattered even then.

There is no perfect time to go, and if you wait for that non existent perfect time, you will just pile up more hassles for all concerned.

You said he is drinking and "buzzed" every night now, he has run out of days left to come home sober, so what is there to wait for?

God did rule on the sanctity of marriage, but nowhere does He say that torture of a spouse or children is part of what marriage is.

God did say that anyone who hurt children, was in for a bad time from Him, so if it were me and the drinking behavior was painful for my kids, I would be out of there fast, not keeping them where they were being hurt.

Please remember that you are their protector, even from their own dad's actions and it is up to you to do all you can to keep them safe.
Tough resposibility, but it comes with having kids.

God bless