Another email with more apologies
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Another email with more apologies
I got another email today. This time he apologized and said he was sober and super sorry for saying all those mean things. And he didn't know why he drank even though he knew I would leave if he did. And he's sorry and loves me and didn't mean to hurt me.
great. that's just so great. so helpful.
words are just so easy to throw around aren't they? It's changing behavior that is the really hard stuff.
two more days till I'm on a plane to somewhere else for a mini-break. two more day.
Yes...I need to not open any more of the emails. they go to the trash but I see them there and open them.
words are just so easy to throw around aren't they? It's changing behavior that is the really hard stuff.
great. that's just so great. so helpful.
words are just so easy to throw around aren't they? It's changing behavior that is the really hard stuff.
two more days till I'm on a plane to somewhere else for a mini-break. two more day.
Yes...I need to not open any more of the emails. they go to the trash but I see them there and open them.
words are just so easy to throw around aren't they? It's changing behavior that is the really hard stuff.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
I can't help but agree so much with you on this one.
One thing I always remember is the number of times he apologizes "for the last night" or says "he knows he has to stop drinking so much" or the times he walks out, quits or says it is over and then has "an insight"!
So many times I have said to him, these are all good words and show smart intentions, but where is the plan and follow through with the footwork?! Even when he went to meetings and therapy, he was always sharing was he learned as though having heard it and agreeing with it that "he now has it down".
My favorite is, " I know it has only been a few days but when I buy into something I really do it."
Have a relaxing break!
One thing I always remember is the number of times he apologizes "for the last night" or says "he knows he has to stop drinking so much" or the times he walks out, quits or says it is over and then has "an insight"!
So many times I have said to him, these are all good words and show smart intentions, but where is the plan and follow through with the footwork?! Even when he went to meetings and therapy, he was always sharing was he learned as though having heard it and agreeing with it that "he now has it down".
My favorite is, " I know it has only been a few days but when I buy into something I really do it."
Have a relaxing break!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Reading the emails is just another form or self torture.
Have a safe trip and I hope you can ignore him while you are gone. Also, if he knows you may be going away and meeting other men, that might be another reason he has stepped up communication. My xabf did that right before my 2 week trip to Europe. It's manipulation. An insurance policy that he is in your head. Didn't work for mine a d I hope it doesn't work for yours.
Have a safe trip and I hope you can ignore him while you are gone. Also, if he knows you may be going away and meeting other men, that might be another reason he has stepped up communication. My xabf did that right before my 2 week trip to Europe. It's manipulation. An insurance policy that he is in your head. Didn't work for mine a d I hope it doesn't work for yours.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I stopped believing the promises. My XAH would improve a little bit......then go back to sneaky, iffy behavior. I stopped believing. He would try to hook me back and it worked for awhile, until I saw the manipulation and the quack, quack, quacking........ACTIONS! Meetings, sponser, giving up old playmates and playgrounds....etc....he didn't walk the walk.....so I did the walking......I felt like a parent instead of his marriage partner. Got tired of the merry-go-round. Hamster cage wheel. Chaos. Now I live in Serenity. No quacking. And finally- no contact ......so I am not pulled into the problem or drama.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by KeepPedaling 
Helenlee you're so funny! That's for the first laugh of the day!
thank you KP, i missed this the first time around.
i read it and laughed out loud.
and KP, you are really really doing well.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Carol Star
I stopped believing the promises. My XAH would improve a little bit......then go back to sneaky, iffy behavior. I stopped believing. He would try to hook me back and it worked for awhile, until I saw the manipulation and the quack, quack, quacking........ACTIONS! Meetings, sponser, giving up old playmates and playgrounds....etc....he didn't walk the walk.....so I did the walking......I felt like a parent instead of his marriage partner. Got tired of the merry-go-round. Hamster cage wheel. Chaos. Now I live in Serenity. No quacking. And finally- no contact ......so I am not pulled into the problem or drama.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
It took awhile for me to understand that what he was saying wasn't real, it was just the meaningless "quacking" that you're all always mentioning. It's just noisy air, nothing more. He's an alcoholic; he has no idea what he's doing; he has no idea what he's saying; he on a ride. It has nothing to do with me.
I have ONE MORE DAY and I'm on a plane! YES!!!
Thanks everyone.
I have ONE MORE DAY and I'm on a plane! YES!!!
Thanks everyone.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
When the thought of him comes, think immediately of George Clooney.
And like anvilhead told me - you can't pick the "good person" only, he comes with the horrible Mr Hyde. And you are not up to that BS and endless misery, confusion, insanity, etc.
And like anvilhead told me - you can't pick the "good person" only, he comes with the horrible Mr Hyde. And you are not up to that BS and endless misery, confusion, insanity, etc.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
For one thing, the ability to compare words with actions has helped me improve other areas in my life. I noticed too, I often try to have others approve me and I promise things I don't do or plan to do anyway. So I am learning to shut up and just compromise on what I can do. This is a huge improvement in my life.
I hope you enjoy your holiday. I too am planning a holiday soon and am excited thinking of buying a bathing suit and getting tanned...
I plan on the following: Read. Eat mindfully. Listen to the birds singing. Feel the grass below my feet... hug my dad... yup, that IS life, that is how it was supposed to be like.
:ghug3
I hope you enjoy your holiday. I too am planning a holiday soon and am excited thinking of buying a bathing suit and getting tanned...
I plan on the following: Read. Eat mindfully. Listen to the birds singing. Feel the grass below my feet... hug my dad... yup, that IS life, that is how it was supposed to be like.
:ghug3
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