The addiction won.
getting stronger each day
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: canton, ohio
Posts: 149
The addiction finally won.
It's been a long time since I posted on here. Things got bad (AB overdosed twice and got arrested twice) and then they seemed to get better. One month ago I was preparing dinner for my boyfriend who was coming over when I got the call from my dad...."dave went to wake up ryan....he's cold...and he's stiff...." I told him I'd be right over, I hung up and then I started screaming. Addiction finally got the best of him. The following days were a blur as I had to be the pillar for my family. I wrote his obituary with my father and guided my mom as we picked out a casket and planned the funeral. I still can't fully comprehend that he's gone. I hear his voice. I feel him with me. I had thought for so long that I could save him from himself, and then I joined this forum and you all taught me that I couldn't force him to be saved, but that I could let myself be healthy. I thank you all for the love and support that you showed a stranger, and for the fact that you got me through some of the worst times of my life. I miss my brother so much that it takes my breath away, but I know he's in a far better place than he was here on earth. Love you little brother!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I want you to know that there is NOTHING you could have done to change this. I'm an RA (recovering addict). I had family members who begged me to go into treatment, offered to pay, pointed out who I was hurting, etc.
I couldn't see it. I was hostage to the dope. I have a 16-year-old niece who is wanting to know why her dad, an A (addict) never got his act together for her. Her mom died at the age of 18 in a car wreck. My dad and stepmom have raised her. I have been a big part of her live in the past 3 years, since my recovery. It makes it hard, for her....knowing that I was an A...messed up BIG TIME, but "got it" and turned my life around. She doesn't understand why her dad can't do the same. He is in jail, facing a prison sentence.
I truly don't know why some addicts "get it" and some don't. My XABF didn't get it. I had to leave him, as he was still using and I found out that he died in Dec. My niece was with me when I found out...I can't imagine what is going through her mind.
I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through, but I want you to know that there is nothing you could have done to change things. Some of us just couldn't "get it".
Sending you many, many hugs and prayers, as I know how very hard this is.
Amy
I couldn't see it. I was hostage to the dope. I have a 16-year-old niece who is wanting to know why her dad, an A (addict) never got his act together for her. Her mom died at the age of 18 in a car wreck. My dad and stepmom have raised her. I have been a big part of her live in the past 3 years, since my recovery. It makes it hard, for her....knowing that I was an A...messed up BIG TIME, but "got it" and turned my life around. She doesn't understand why her dad can't do the same. He is in jail, facing a prison sentence.
I truly don't know why some addicts "get it" and some don't. My XABF didn't get it. I had to leave him, as he was still using and I found out that he died in Dec. My niece was with me when I found out...I can't imagine what is going through her mind.
I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through, but I want you to know that there is nothing you could have done to change things. Some of us just couldn't "get it".
Sending you many, many hugs and prayers, as I know how very hard this is.
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so very sorry, it breaks my heart each time I hear of a loss like that of your brother. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling right now, and hope that sharing here will offer even a little comfort.
Please know that we are here for you as you go through these troubling times, and that you, your family and Ryan will be held in our prayers.
Rest in Peace, Ryan.
Please know that we are here for you as you go through these troubling times, and that you, your family and Ryan will be held in our prayers.
Rest in Peace, Ryan.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i''m so sorry about your loss. it breaks my heart all over again, each time i hear someone has lost a loved one and especially to addiction. i just buried my husband on the 26th of feburary so i know that pain oh so well.
i pray that your hp will comfort you and your family in your time of sorrow.
i pray that your hp will comfort you and your family in your time of sorrow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I am so very sorry for your profound loss! May will mark another anniversary of my EXAH's death, and I am so incredibly grateful that I found recovery for myself. I will surely keep you in my prayers, hon.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
I am so sorry for your loss...my chest is tight as I write this...I saw my brother briefly in the spring after 30 years, while staying close through phone calls and letters, and it stunned me to the depths of my being to feel, that it will probably be the last time I ever seen him again...all the while knowing I am powerless to save him.
Rest in peace, Ryan...(((Forgotten))), Prayers of serenity and healing for you your family, and all who love Ryan....
Rest in peace, Ryan...(((Forgotten))), Prayers of serenity and healing for you your family, and all who love Ryan....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
forgottenchild....please accept my condolences during this time of grief and loss.
I'm also sending prayers along for you and your family.
I hope you will continue to come here for support. Please be gentle with yourself.
(((forgottenchild)))
I'm also sending prayers along for you and your family.
I hope you will continue to come here for support. Please be gentle with yourself.
(((forgottenchild)))
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
(((forgottenchild)))
Nothing I can say will help ease the pain. Just know that we all hold you and your brother in our hearts. I used to be so afraid of posts like this, I never knew what to say and just felt heartbroken for the famlies. Last november I lost a young man that was like my own son, it still feels like it is just unreal, a bad dream. Please, try not to be "the rock" for everyone else. Remember, you need support right now too.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Nothing I can say will help ease the pain. Just know that we all hold you and your brother in our hearts. I used to be so afraid of posts like this, I never knew what to say and just felt heartbroken for the famlies. Last november I lost a young man that was like my own son, it still feels like it is just unreal, a bad dream. Please, try not to be "the rock" for everyone else. Remember, you need support right now too.
Hugs and Prayers
B
getting stronger each day
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: canton, ohio
Posts: 149
thank you all so much for your kind words. your support has meant so much to me over the years since i joined this forum, and your words now soothe my heart even more. ((hugs)) to you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
My heart goes out to you and your family.
I lost my brother to a drug overdose also. The pain was unbearable sometimes. It may not seem like it now but in time, the pain will become more bearable. Hold on to happy memories of your brother...they will see you through...and know that you are in my heart and prayers today.
With heartfelt sympathy...
I lost my brother to a drug overdose also. The pain was unbearable sometimes. It may not seem like it now but in time, the pain will become more bearable. Hold on to happy memories of your brother...they will see you through...and know that you are in my heart and prayers today.
With heartfelt sympathy...
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