starrynite

• Even though he knows I'm the only person supporting our kids and I'm the only person who works, he still threatens to cause trouble for me with my job.
• Even though he knows that what we do reflects on our children at school, he still threatens to embarrass us.
• Even though we are no longer married, he still threatens those who are important to me.
• Even though he knows my children will hear, he still makes ugly comments.

Sometimes I wonder if his bitterness toward me will ever end. Sometimes I wonder if he even realizes how it affects his children. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes that he's killing a little bit of himself with these actions. And I pray that our HP will continue take care of us.

And I continue to walk my path, taking care of me, studying my spiritual readings and being the best mom and role model I can be. "...you can't keep a spirit down that wants to get up again." Thank you HP for my freedom!

Impurrfect

((Starrynite)) - My niece is 16, her dad has been in/out of jail most of her life and when he was out, he was using. He's currently locked up, facing a good prison sentence. She's looking back on her life, at all the times he embarrassed her, wasn't there for her, the times he lied to her.

I don't know if the situation is the same with you and your kids. My niece's mom (my stepsister) died when niece (Brit) was only a year old. She asked me "why couldn't he straighten up when my mama died and he had a baby to raise?"

I don't have the answer. She knows I'm an RA, which makes it harder. She's told her "dad" "Amy got HER **** together, WTF is YOUR problem?!?!"

My point is, I'm trying to be the stable person in Brit's life, you are the stable person in your kids' life. We can't make up for what the A does, we can't explain it. Heck, I can't even explain it and I did some really stupid stuff when I was using!! I just told her "life isn't always fair, people don't always do the things they should do, and sometimes we just have to accept it". She's 16...I don't know how much she understands.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Taking5

How is your relationship with your boss? Can you be preemptive and confide in your boss about these threats in case they do happen?

teke

sorry this is happening for you. i was wondering the same thing as dqillz.

someone told me once that hurting people hurt other people. not to excuse his actions only to say that you seem to be a stronger person than he may think, he's just don't seem to be "getting it". you and your family are in my prayers.

PurpleWilder

IMHO, talk to your bosses at work and their security personnel, if they have any. Lay out exactly what is happening to them (nicely) but don't sugar-coat the reality of the situation. In the event he does show up at your work and start to cause trouble, they will react much more quickly if they know the whole story. My ex used to call my work and try to suck me into his drama with "the kids need you, you have to handle this NOW" crap until I finally told them not to put his calls through or say that I was busy.

It may seem embarassing but remember, it is not your behavior that is causing the problem. If a total stranger was following you around, calling you, harassing you and threatening to cause trouble where you work you would say something to someone, right? Isn't it funny how we codies will put up with crap from someone who used to be close to us that we wouldn't put up with from a stranger in a million years?

Is there also something in your divorce decree about making derogatory statements about you in front of the children? There was in mine - if you have it in there, maybe a discussion of what "contempt of decree" means with an attorney could help you. Document everything, too - every phone call, threat, insult, comment - with date, time and circumstances. Keep the notebook with you at all times - those records may come in handy later.

With regards to your children, when I was going through the really ugly part of my divorce I enrolled them in something called the Rainbows program. It was offered free of charge by a local church and is for any child who has experienced some kind of major loss - whether it be from death, divorce, whatever. Although it was offered at a church it was a non-denominational program (if I remember right) that focused on how special kids are even when times are tough and how they can get through. I don't know if there is a program like that in your area but you could probably Google it.

Hope this helps.

ItsmeAlice

Thank you HP for my freedom!

And thank you for posting, this. It reminds me that no matter how low and alone I may feel sometimes, I am still looked out for by my HP. He is watching, annd I have faith.

Hanging in there together!

Alice

starrynite

Thanks for the advice. Yes, I've protected myself at work, with the cops and everywhere else. Took care of that years ago and I haven't slacked off. I'm not new to this game, but every once in awhile I find myself standing here speechless. Because I just don't get it.

And then I have to go back to the beginning and start all over.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Help me to remember that hurting people hurt people.
And that desperate people do desperate things.

For all you who are worried about the guy or gal you recently met and things seem a little off, well I was that girl. And I married him. And I had kids. And if you think you're worried now...give it another 20 years... because you haven't seen anything yet.

And yes, itsme - your HP has your back! It will get better. Because as out of sorts as I am right now, I'm taking care of me. And there's tremendous power in that!