My 7 Year old says Daddy drinks everyday he's there
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
My 7 Year old says Daddy drinks everyday he's there
Gah!!
While walking my son home from school today, he asked me how my parents died. It's always surprising the way we get caught off guard like that. Well, I went ahead and told him that "They drank too much alcohol and sometimes that happens" It's the truth afterall. So he says:
"Oh like daddy, beer is alcohol only daddy doesn't drink that much?"
"Um, is daddy drinking now, did you see him drink over the weekend?"
"Yeah, he drinks beer everyday I'm there"
Son of a $#@!&!
Well, I'm thinking I'd like to call daddy. I'm also THINKING is he drinking BEFORE coming to get the kids and dropping them off!!!??
While walking my son home from school today, he asked me how my parents died. It's always surprising the way we get caught off guard like that. Well, I went ahead and told him that "They drank too much alcohol and sometimes that happens" It's the truth afterall. So he says:
"Oh like daddy, beer is alcohol only daddy doesn't drink that much?"
"Um, is daddy drinking now, did you see him drink over the weekend?"
"Yeah, he drinks beer everyday I'm there"
Son of a $#@!&!
Well, I'm thinking I'd like to call daddy. I'm also THINKING is he drinking BEFORE coming to get the kids and dropping them off!!!??
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 61
Wow, that's so tough. My ex husband is most likely an alcoholic--his mom is dying from the disease currently...our 10 year-old daughter has expressed concerns about her dad's drinking in the recent past. I have no reason to believe that she is in any imminent physical danger when he drinks, but if I did I would say something. I am afraid of the repercussions for HER if I talk to him, because I know him--he'd yell at her and shame her for talking to me about what goes on at his house. It's so hard...and of course the last thing I want to do is reinforce her natural tendency to monitor his drinking. NOT her job, ya know? I'll keep your kids in my prayers, Alizerin.
Love,
jc
Love,
jc
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
THANKS!
There is no custody agreement. I just called him. Because I'm ever so pissed. If he's drinking everyday and it's a 45 minute drive. That's NOT acceptable. I told him that I will not LET him pick the kids up. Because he'as an alcoholic/addict. God knows what's swimming in his veins. His mom or dad can get him. I told him I'd drag him through court over this. He's been gone but a month.
I'm not interested in putting the kids anywhere near this! I also don't want to have them not be able to be with their dad. I don't know what the best thing is. Ideas? Oh, he's the one with the car. I'm hiking it around town so I can't take them. But my husbands parents can.
We agreed to not go through courts yet. I wanted to wait until he was in his own apartment next month before doing paperwork - I didn't see a need to rush and stress him out even more than staying with his parents does.
Maryland has an on-line child support calculator so we are going by what the courts would do as far as that's said.
More advice please!
There is no custody agreement. I just called him. Because I'm ever so pissed. If he's drinking everyday and it's a 45 minute drive. That's NOT acceptable. I told him that I will not LET him pick the kids up. Because he'as an alcoholic/addict. God knows what's swimming in his veins. His mom or dad can get him. I told him I'd drag him through court over this. He's been gone but a month.
I'm not interested in putting the kids anywhere near this! I also don't want to have them not be able to be with their dad. I don't know what the best thing is. Ideas? Oh, he's the one with the car. I'm hiking it around town so I can't take them. But my husbands parents can.
We agreed to not go through courts yet. I wanted to wait until he was in his own apartment next month before doing paperwork - I didn't see a need to rush and stress him out even more than staying with his parents does.
Maryland has an on-line child support calculator so we are going by what the courts would do as far as that's said.
More advice please!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Alizerin 
We agreed to not go through courts yet. I wanted to wait until he was in his own apartment next month before doing paperwork - I didn't see a need to rush and stress him out even more than staying with his parents does.
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
Ouch .. thats a tuff one Ali .. tho I dont have much experience to something like this , But wasnt the purpose of getting him out of the house was to protect you and the kids from his actions of using ?
So being in the inlaws is a better place even tho hes still using ? Its a tuff situation . I my self wouldnt care if it bothers him or disrupts his life or adds more stress to it , He didnt concider that when hes done what hes done to you and them .
Esp if hes pickin up the kids while drinkin ? whats to say he tells his mom/dad to bite me and does what he wants to do and picks them up anyways . After all Alkis dont listen to no one . esp while under the influnce. just my two cents , but I would do what ever it took to protect my kids from someone who is incapable of making the choice to get help for himself , let along whats in the best interest of the kids if hes drinkin every day .
Huggles an thoughts your way ~ Endzy~
So being in the inlaws is a better place even tho hes still using ? Its a tuff situation . I my self wouldnt care if it bothers him or disrupts his life or adds more stress to it , He didnt concider that when hes done what hes done to you and them .
Esp if hes pickin up the kids while drinkin ? whats to say he tells his mom/dad to bite me and does what he wants to do and picks them up anyways . After all Alkis dont listen to no one . esp while under the influnce. just my two cents , but I would do what ever it took to protect my kids from someone who is incapable of making the choice to get help for himself , let along whats in the best interest of the kids if hes drinkin every day .
Huggles an thoughts your way ~ Endzy~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
"I'm just curious. What's more important...not 'stressing' him out anymore, or the safety and emotional health of your children?"
I should clarify. That was our ORIGINAL agreement. He wasn't drinking when he left b ut prescription drug use was HIGHLY suspected. But, could not be proven, and I wasn't SURE. I am now.
My kids always come first. No confusion for me there.
I should clarify. That was our ORIGINAL agreement. He wasn't drinking when he left b ut prescription drug use was HIGHLY suspected. But, could not be proven, and I wasn't SURE. I am now.
My kids always come first. No confusion for me there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 35
Alizerin - This could turn nasty very quickly and you need to be prepared. My motto is prepare for the worst and hope for the best. If you are aware that your AH is driving the children while intoxicated that could come back to haunt you in court. I would put your proposed visitation schedule and guidelines (no drinking with 24 hours, visits at your home only, etc.) in writing. Your concern is to protect yourself and your child, not his stress level. When we are in an alcoholic relationship our view of acceptable behavior gets skewed - no parent drives drunk with their children unless they are ill. It's just not acceptable. It's also not appropriate for a parent to drink "all the time" when he's with his child.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
You'll need legal documentation to help you protect your kids. That is why I filed. I needed to legally protect my children and myself from the physical and financial fallout of active addiction.
My divorce papers state that neither my ex husband or myself can have alcohol around our children.
Keep in mind that having that in my divorce papers won't keep him sober. It would be up to me to police his consumption. It would be up to me to take him back to court for violating the terms of the visitation. It would be up to me. But it is there in the papers just in case I ever need it. My lawyer said it would be harder to take him to court later and have the visitation (alcohol) restriction added. It was best to have it as part of the original agreement.
My divorce papers state that neither my ex husband or myself can have alcohol around our children.
Keep in mind that having that in my divorce papers won't keep him sober. It would be up to me to police his consumption. It would be up to me to take him back to court for violating the terms of the visitation. It would be up to me. But it is there in the papers just in case I ever need it. My lawyer said it would be harder to take him to court later and have the visitation (alcohol) restriction added. It was best to have it as part of the original agreement.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
would put your proposed visitation schedule and guidelines (no drinking with 24 hours, visits at your home only, etc.) in writing.
Thanks. I'll add that I volunteer with Foster Kids and as such I go to family court. I know the two family court judges in our county. On a business level. Oh, I also volunteer for the city with developmentally disabled adults. Not to mention with my recovery network, I have charachter witnessess out the butt.
I don't think he really wants to mess with me.
Thanks. I'll add that I volunteer with Foster Kids and as such I go to family court. I know the two family court judges in our county. On a business level. Oh, I also volunteer for the city with developmentally disabled adults. Not to mention with my recovery network, I have charachter witnessess out the butt.
I don't think he really wants to mess with me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Hi Alizerin,
I drafted my own custody proposal and did my best to define EVERYTHING in it, and plan for every contigency. My lawyer tells me that she likes to do things this way because it leaves no room for intepretation. Right now, she's still drafting my proceedings so I don't know if my proposal will remain intact, but here's a snippet from what I sent her:
"SECTION 11: ALCOHOL AND DRUGS
o Both parents agree to abstain from consuming alcohol in the twelve (12) hours prior to seeing the child, as well as during the entire visitation.
o Both parents also agree to abstain from using sleeping medication when child is spending overnights with them."
Does this sound like something you would feel comfortable with?
I drafted my own custody proposal and did my best to define EVERYTHING in it, and plan for every contigency. My lawyer tells me that she likes to do things this way because it leaves no room for intepretation. Right now, she's still drafting my proceedings so I don't know if my proposal will remain intact, but here's a snippet from what I sent her:
"SECTION 11: ALCOHOL AND DRUGS
o Both parents agree to abstain from consuming alcohol in the twelve (12) hours prior to seeing the child, as well as during the entire visitation.
o Both parents also agree to abstain from using sleeping medication when child is spending overnights with them."
Does this sound like something you would feel comfortable with?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Yeah, buddy!
That sounds good. I'm still flip-floppy as to just go ahead and file or just get the agreement for now. I have to remind myself that I don't need to do anything TODAY. I have a few days. ;-)
That sounds good. I'm still flip-floppy as to just go ahead and file or just get the agreement for now. I have to remind myself that I don't need to do anything TODAY. I have a few days. ;-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
i'm thinking like a criminal/alcoholic. if you confront him, he's just going to pour the beer / alcohol into a regular glass in order to hide it from your 7yr old. Ewe! This is an ugly one. Unfortunately we have no control over the innerworkings or activities of the other persons house and lifestyle. Could you ask your child to please call you if ever scared or uncomfortable with daddy's drinking?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
"Could you ask your child to please call you if ever scared or uncomfortable with daddy's drinking?"
Oh that's gooood. It's going on my list of things to do. With a check box right next to it.
Oh that's gooood. It's going on my list of things to do. With a check box right next to it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Insulated
Could you ask your child to please call you if ever scared or uncomfortable with daddy's drinking?
That way, they didn't have to justify to me or anyone else why they were uncomfortable. And it also kept them out of the position of policing his drinking.
L
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
When my AH was still drinking, I did this. But I made it more general. I told my children to call me if they were ever uncomfortable or wanted me to come pick them up for any reason.
That way, they didn't have to justify to me or anyone else why they were uncomfortable. And it also kept them out of the position of policing his drinking.
L
That way, they didn't have to justify to me or anyone else why they were uncomfortable. And it also kept them out of the position of policing his drinking.
L
The next conversation I need to have with them is drinking and driving. That is going to be tough, and so important.
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