My 7 Year old says Daddy drinks everyday he's there
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Alizerin--does family court have a mediation process you can go through? We had to do this because we could not come to an agreement on custody an placement. One of my conditions of placement I would not budge on was that STBXAH not drink or use controlled substances (in your case you could add presctiption medicine beyond its intended purpose) 12 hour BEFORE and during visitation. I did not want him coming off a bender or still stoned when he picked the kids up. The end result was that stipulation went for both of us--which was not an issue because I don't need to drink. It was a little hard for him to argue this point during mediation. For normal people this is not an unreasonable request.
That custody/placment agreement was signed by the judge this week. So if he drinks or uses when he has the kids he is officially in contempt of court. I can go pick up the kids (or if I suspect he is high or not sober when he picks up the kids I can tell him he cannot take the kids). If he gets pissed off I call the police and he can explain why he cannot take the kids. My kids are 5 and 9 and the 9 year old told me early on when AH and I first separated and after the mediation that his dad was drinking. I called him on it and told him he was going to be in contempt. He stopped drinking around them when they went to restaurants but my older DS has seen him at the house of a friends drinking beer and shots of vodka--and he does report this to me because his dad is a mean drunk and he is afraid of what will happen if his dad gets drunk.
Try to make this all legal. It is completely a CYA so there is no garbage about you not allowing him his legal rights for visitation--which could get you in trouble. Sucks--yep, big time. So you need to the take the legals steps to make sure you and your kids are safe.
In the meantime--if your son calls you and tells you daddy is drinking go and get your child. If he is drunk and starts something call the police. Who do you think the police are going to let have your son--someone who is drunk/stoned or someone who is sober. If you do need to call the police, when they arrive remain calm and be respectful. Police as a rule do not like to get involved in custody/placement issues but if it is a question of a child's safety they will. Also, the sane person is the one they will talk to.
That custody/placment agreement was signed by the judge this week. So if he drinks or uses when he has the kids he is officially in contempt of court. I can go pick up the kids (or if I suspect he is high or not sober when he picks up the kids I can tell him he cannot take the kids). If he gets pissed off I call the police and he can explain why he cannot take the kids. My kids are 5 and 9 and the 9 year old told me early on when AH and I first separated and after the mediation that his dad was drinking. I called him on it and told him he was going to be in contempt. He stopped drinking around them when they went to restaurants but my older DS has seen him at the house of a friends drinking beer and shots of vodka--and he does report this to me because his dad is a mean drunk and he is afraid of what will happen if his dad gets drunk.
Try to make this all legal. It is completely a CYA so there is no garbage about you not allowing him his legal rights for visitation--which could get you in trouble. Sucks--yep, big time. So you need to the take the legals steps to make sure you and your kids are safe.
In the meantime--if your son calls you and tells you daddy is drinking go and get your child. If he is drunk and starts something call the police. Who do you think the police are going to let have your son--someone who is drunk/stoned or someone who is sober. If you do need to call the police, when they arrive remain calm and be respectful. Police as a rule do not like to get involved in custody/placement issues but if it is a question of a child's safety they will. Also, the sane person is the one they will talk to.
Go ask the Multivax
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Yes,
After careful consideration this must be done. It is the responsible way to go. The adult thing to do. Thankfully my husband isn't a mean drunk (which doesn't make it any less dangerous).
Also, not giving him any real hard consequences - doesn't do him any favors either. He loves his kids and perhaps the thought of ACTUAL paperwork being drawn up in a court setting may scare hom into recovery. But, I'm not holding my breath.
The simple fact is:
There isn't a addict/alcoholic who INTENDS to spiral down. They never INTEND to hurt their children.
Pretty black and white.
After careful consideration this must be done. It is the responsible way to go. The adult thing to do. Thankfully my husband isn't a mean drunk (which doesn't make it any less dangerous).
Also, not giving him any real hard consequences - doesn't do him any favors either. He loves his kids and perhaps the thought of ACTUAL paperwork being drawn up in a court setting may scare hom into recovery. But, I'm not holding my breath.
The simple fact is:
There isn't a addict/alcoholic who INTENDS to spiral down. They never INTEND to hurt their children.
Pretty black and white.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 167
There isn't a addict/alcoholic who INTENDS to spiral down. They never INTEND to hurt their children.
That is so true. I know when my husband was an active alcoholic, many times he put his children's lives in danger either through negligence or through his actions, but at the same time he would have said that he loved them so much, he would do anything for them - "die for them". Quack, quack.
That is so true. I know when my husband was an active alcoholic, many times he put his children's lives in danger either through negligence or through his actions, but at the same time he would have said that he loved them so much, he would do anything for them - "die for them". Quack, quack.
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