freedom4u

My abf is using heroin. I posted a bit on here. This weekend he disappeared again after I gave him money on Friday night. He said he would pay me Saturday. Well he was very hard to get a hold of. He called me after I called his friend and told me to call him. He told me he could not pay me as his card got stolen (ATM) and someone used it and that he could not get anywehere to cash a check. I know he is lying. He said he would pay me today. No call, so I text him a bit ago asking what is going on. No response.

So I called, no response. Called many times got me no where. So I told him I hope he is happy that he choose heroin and money over me and that I will never talk to him again. I am changing my phone number tomorrow and let him know that and said some not so nice things like I will break his heart like he broke mine.

Does he even care???? I just dont want him telling everyone I am crazy and being the bad person... I have not heard back from him which is good, but hard. This is all new and it sucks and I want off this roller coaster now!!!!:wtf2

suki44883

Sounds like you're taking the appropriate steps to get off the roller coaster. Stay strong and hang in there. It's doubtful that he'll try to make it easy.

freedom4u

Yeah I know. He was living with me. He needs to come get his stuff. I want it all out but he wont answer. Can I throw it out? Is that mean? Can some people who have been through this stuff help me. I dont know what is appropriate and I am mad at heck.

itisatruth

You know you're not crazy and I suspect most (if not all) people he might tell know that his problems stem from HIM and not you....but remember, no matter what, that what you're doing is for YOU, so don't worry about what others think. Be true to yourself. You want off the roller coaster - keep your focus on that.

Impurrfect

I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as someone who has loved ones who are addicts. Do we (active A's) care? In all honesty, when we are actively using, our mind is practically held hostage. It doesn't mean we don't love any more, that we don't care....it just means that getting high is the biggest priority in our lives....above anything else. It makes the most stupid things seem "like a good idea". I think of the things I did and I shake my head....I know I did them, but to my logical, sane, recovering brain, they make NO sense.

My advice is to get off the rollercoaster. Let him do what he's going to do (because he's going to, anyway) and go on with your life. I know it hurts, as I had to do the same thing when I got into recovery and left behind the bf who was still using.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

suki44883

Perhaps you could box it all up and set it outside and leave him a voice mail telling him it's there for X number of days. If he doesn't arrange to have it picked up, you'll put it out with the trash...and then DO IT.

tchappy

First I would say don't give him anymore money. Also changing your number will only work if you don't give him the new number. Be sure you are ready for that or you will be changing your number for no reason.

I hope that does not sound harsh. I just have been where you are and know that until I was truly done riding the roller coaster everything I said to him (changing phone numbers or whatever) was just to get a reaction out of him in hopes he would realize he needed to quit using or was going to lose me.
Yes, I'm sure he does care about you. The addiction takes over and blocks out those feelings but I'm sure they are in there deep down somewhere.

There is a post on here somewhere about letting go of those not in recovery. Not sure if I can attach it correctly but it helped me.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

freedom4u

Yeah I am ready to get rid of him... I read the posts on here from people and they only get worse. They only lie.... I feel like our relationship was a lie. I know I just want to hurt him because he hurt me and it will get me no where. But I need to be honest. I deserve better than this. Everyone does.... And he was saving to get me a ring crazy crazy crazy!!!

way2go

It might help you to take the steps to end the relationship if you envision yourself without him. What would your life be like? Would you get to go places or participate in hobbies that you don't now? Would you feel lighter because you aren't carrying around the weight of an addict? Would you be happier?

I like to think about what job I would have, what my apartment would be like, my routine, and think of dating again - to be on the quest to find that perfect man that I deserve.

Those are the things that will drive your forward and give you the strength to do what is difficult now.

freedom4u

Feel like crap this morning

Teggie

It's an anger hangover, I know been there done that.

Anger can be good in early recovery, it helps get you going and keep going. But eventually the rage dies down and leaves you vulnerable. Thats why you need to gather support, here at SR, find a Alanon or Naranon, start working on you & let him go & what happens happens.

It's like dealing with a death, only they are still alive, if you call addiction living.

Keep coming back,
Teggie

sofacat

he was saving to get me a ring...

Then why did he need to borrow money from you?

Glad you're gettin' off the ride.

freedom4u

Well he wasnt really saving. he was going to use his tax refund to get it. Same thing I guess. But whatever. I texted him a bunch. I have a meeting lined up to go with a friend and hopefully I will get stronger. I do feel very vulnerable, anxiety, worry, all sorts of things UGGGGG

freedom4u

I am going to a meeting tomorrow. I guess I am very sick. I have been unable to function most of today in shock. I cannot believe he has not texted me back once. And I texted him like a psycho. I am hoping the meeting tomorrow will help. Maybe he just never cared about me. It is hard to swallow when you lived with someone and they told you everyday how much they loved you... And now I am the enemy that feels like the bad person. I am the evil one. the psycho girlfriend... WHY

freedom4u

My meeting is tonight thank goodness. I need it. I have let go for the moment. I am not texting or calling. I also have a trip planned in 10 days which I am looking forward too. He knows I am going which makes me nervous as he has access to here when I am not around.. Oh well. Give it to my HP right.. And maybe the pain will go away?

hello-kitty

How does he have access? Your HP gave you the ability to call and change the locks. If you have concerns, I would definitely do that before you leave.

And please, for your own sake, stop being so hard on yourself. You are human. He hurt you. He's just doing what addicts do. That's hard to take sometimes and it may drive us to do things that we normally wouldn't do. It's what we do AFTER we figure out that our life has gotten out of control that determines our sanity, not what we do in the midst of a crazy, hurtful situation.

you didn't cause his behavior.
you can't control his behavior.
you can't cure him either.

Enjoy your vacation. You deserve it!

dreamin143

Hello. I just wanted to wish you luck. Its not easy being with an addict. I live it everyday. I still am having a hard time with it all. I am not saying I accept it, but now that I have learned more about his addiction, things make more sense to me. I have attended meeting myself. At first I was being a stubborn ass thinking I could just handle this all on my own. Boy was I wrong. Do what you feel. Hugs to you!
Good luck.
Lisa

freedom4u

Thanks.... He technically lives here???

wicked

hello freedom,

hmm, i guess i wonder what you mean by "technically"?
is he on the lease?
if he is actively using (all the signs are there) i doubt he contributes much to the household budget, correct?
if you are concerned about the technically part, then check the law online.
for your state.

beth

this is tough stuff, you can do it though. think of yourself. care for yourself. cause in the end, you are all you got.

suki44883

He only lives there if YOU say so. If he has nothing in the house and he is not there, technically, he does not live there. I thought you wanted him and his stuff gone. You can make that happen.