Reworking the Steps
Go ask the Multivax
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Reworking the Steps
Hey,
I've got yet another issue I gotta work through. A perfect example as to how the steps can work in all aspects of life. My character defects came out to play this past week. I define freaking out as three or more of the little suckers rearing their ugly heads at the same time. So, I had a little freak out. It happens.
I was irritable and discontent. I still am, just at a lower intensity. As soon as I realize I alone have the power with the help of the steps to rectify this or any situation within myself, the levels of irritability and discontent swiftly begin to decline.
So, where am I today?
I guess part of freaking out is feeling helpless. Often it's a situation that surprises me. Surpressed crazies win me over for a time because I haven't experienced them for so long. It seems to take a little time to recognize them again. Why? Because they come skipping out holding hands with their best buddies: rationalization and blame.
So, I think it's normal and expected that it might take some time to be able to see clearly. Because I try so hard to work a good program in life, I can easily be fooled into initially thinking either A: The problem is not mine, it's yours and everyone else's OR B: I'm a complete nut unfit to travel with the general population, 'cause I should know better and all. ;-)
Working the steps with life's little issues (most times they end up being little, after all - since I'm sober and stuff). Has been, for the most part, fairly easy to do. I can step 1-12 an issue in an hour or day depending on what it is and how much space I'm allowing it to take up in my little head. Mostly I can do steps 1-3 almost immediately. Then step 4, I usually do pretty okay with in my head also. But, sometimes I have to write it. Step 5 is a given for me because I usually have no problem sharing anything with my AA friends circle. My higher power talks to me through other people (atheist here) so, steps 6-7 is typically a matter of me surrendering all my ideas to be able to really listen to the advice or suggestions others are offering me. Steps 8 and 9 - I don't usually seem to have much of an issue with. Now, in this case, I want to rush to step 9. Quickly make amends so I can feel better. That's a little selfish, as I believe we need to wait for when the timing is also appropriate for the other party to accept the amend. Rushing into a direct amend when the other party can't hear it at the time, just doesn't resonate well with me. So, the key is to take my time, without taking too much time.
Steps 10-11. Basically, as an atheist, it's getting out of my own little head. If I sit around with nothing but my own ideas - they will end up getting twisted and distorted. So, seeing as my HP talks to me through other people (more fit to think at the time) I need to reach out more to my recovery family. These steps also prevent my isolation. Step 11 will usually have me picking up some good for me type literature. Reading good material and basically meditating on how I can improve my sorry existence! ;-)
Step 12 has been another easy step. As long as I'm not in isolation and share anything good that's come out of working the steps with others - I'm at step 12. Like writing this.
This issue here is a little different because It will take a little longer to do. My life has been relatively boring the last few years. Not many large issues have come up that have left me confused/hurt. I've had a recent change of status and see I gotta really step it up.
Now - I also need, for the time being, to accept that I'm in pain. For whatever reason, I'm in pain. We hurt. For me I need to accept it instead of trying to fight it when it's just an appropriate feeling to have at the time. The steps allow me to go through it properly with a clear head so that it doesn't become all consuming.
Anyhoo - Writing all this stuff out and listening to you fine people always makes it easier. I'm a rambler.
Thank ye!
I've got yet another issue I gotta work through. A perfect example as to how the steps can work in all aspects of life. My character defects came out to play this past week. I define freaking out as three or more of the little suckers rearing their ugly heads at the same time. So, I had a little freak out. It happens.
I was irritable and discontent. I still am, just at a lower intensity. As soon as I realize I alone have the power with the help of the steps to rectify this or any situation within myself, the levels of irritability and discontent swiftly begin to decline.
So, where am I today?
I guess part of freaking out is feeling helpless. Often it's a situation that surprises me. Surpressed crazies win me over for a time because I haven't experienced them for so long. It seems to take a little time to recognize them again. Why? Because they come skipping out holding hands with their best buddies: rationalization and blame.
So, I think it's normal and expected that it might take some time to be able to see clearly. Because I try so hard to work a good program in life, I can easily be fooled into initially thinking either A: The problem is not mine, it's yours and everyone else's OR B: I'm a complete nut unfit to travel with the general population, 'cause I should know better and all. ;-)
Working the steps with life's little issues (most times they end up being little, after all - since I'm sober and stuff). Has been, for the most part, fairly easy to do. I can step 1-12 an issue in an hour or day depending on what it is and how much space I'm allowing it to take up in my little head. Mostly I can do steps 1-3 almost immediately. Then step 4, I usually do pretty okay with in my head also. But, sometimes I have to write it. Step 5 is a given for me because I usually have no problem sharing anything with my AA friends circle. My higher power talks to me through other people (atheist here) so, steps 6-7 is typically a matter of me surrendering all my ideas to be able to really listen to the advice or suggestions others are offering me. Steps 8 and 9 - I don't usually seem to have much of an issue with. Now, in this case, I want to rush to step 9. Quickly make amends so I can feel better. That's a little selfish, as I believe we need to wait for when the timing is also appropriate for the other party to accept the amend. Rushing into a direct amend when the other party can't hear it at the time, just doesn't resonate well with me. So, the key is to take my time, without taking too much time.
Steps 10-11. Basically, as an atheist, it's getting out of my own little head. If I sit around with nothing but my own ideas - they will end up getting twisted and distorted. So, seeing as my HP talks to me through other people (more fit to think at the time) I need to reach out more to my recovery family. These steps also prevent my isolation. Step 11 will usually have me picking up some good for me type literature. Reading good material and basically meditating on how I can improve my sorry existence! ;-)
Step 12 has been another easy step. As long as I'm not in isolation and share anything good that's come out of working the steps with others - I'm at step 12. Like writing this.
This issue here is a little different because It will take a little longer to do. My life has been relatively boring the last few years. Not many large issues have come up that have left me confused/hurt. I've had a recent change of status and see I gotta really step it up.
Now - I also need, for the time being, to accept that I'm in pain. For whatever reason, I'm in pain. We hurt. For me I need to accept it instead of trying to fight it when it's just an appropriate feeling to have at the time. The steps allow me to go through it properly with a clear head so that it doesn't become all consuming.
Anyhoo - Writing all this stuff out and listening to you fine people always makes it easier. I'm a rambler.
Thank ye!
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Alizerin,
I actually believe that there are no mistakes in the timing of when we are able to see things more clearly. Providing we are willing our Higher Power shows us what we need to deal with only when we are ready. It is an ever evolving process of "more will be revealed".....
Thanks for sharing how you are working through the steps during this painful time.
Originally Posted by Alizerin 
So, I think it's normal and expected that it might take some time to be able to see clearly.
Thanks for sharing how you are working through the steps during this painful time.
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