Relapse and Recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: atlanta
Posts: 90
Relapse and Recovery
I've heard it said "Relapse is a part of Recovery"...what do y'all think? I especially would like the opinions of the RA's. I have mixed feelings about that statement.
On the one hand I think that relapse is a very possible thing to a recovering addict, but on the other hand, I have known RA's who never relapsed once.
Is it safe to assume that a RA is bound to relapse while recovering?
Thanks for the input!
On the one hand I think that relapse is a very possible thing to a recovering addict, but on the other hand, I have known RA's who never relapsed once.
Is it safe to assume that a RA is bound to relapse while recovering?
Thanks for the input!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by sunnygirl68 
I've heard it said "Relapse is a part of Recovery"...what do y'all think? I especially would like the opinions of the RA's. I have mixed feelings about that statement.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part. my late ABF was supposedly afraid of relapse. He overdosed and died. As anvil said, there's a hole in the program somewhere, but finding it to remodel or repair the hole is tricky. I don't believe it is part of recovery. I believe it is a very real possibility at any time in the addicts future... and YOUR future.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: London UK
Posts: 86
Getting on a recovery path was quite difficult for me, there were many times when I swore off drinking in the morning only to start up again in the evening.
Once I started getting serious (heavy AA meeting attendance, steps, sponsor) and was consistently off the alcohol, I didn't relapse. Relapsing in recovery is especially hard, it's clearer what exactly you are losing when you are using.
Progress not perfection: This isn't supposed to be rationalization for using. The most important step is the first step, which is not drinking / using. The idea is that when you are in recovery, you shouldn't be beating yourself up because you haven't done everything (e.g. outreach, amends), as beating yourself up can lead to relapse. You need to do what you can, and just keep making the improvements when you can. It's about having realistic expectations. If you can't even follow Step 1, then you are active, not recovering, and you haven't made any progress, as far as the steps go.
Once I started getting serious (heavy AA meeting attendance, steps, sponsor) and was consistently off the alcohol, I didn't relapse. Relapsing in recovery is especially hard, it's clearer what exactly you are losing when you are using.
Progress not perfection: This isn't supposed to be rationalization for using. The most important step is the first step, which is not drinking / using. The idea is that when you are in recovery, you shouldn't be beating yourself up because you haven't done everything (e.g. outreach, amends), as beating yourself up can lead to relapse. You need to do what you can, and just keep making the improvements when you can. It's about having realistic expectations. If you can't even follow Step 1, then you are active, not recovering, and you haven't made any progress, as far as the steps go.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm a ra and i relapsed many times but it wasn't until i totally commited to a program of recovery and not using, was i able to stay sober so far. no i don't think relapse is apart of recovery but i do believe it can happen at any time, without warning, after any amount of sobriety and can last for any length of time.
recovery is a life long process and relapse is a life long possibility. i think it depends on how commited the addict is to continueously doing what is needed to keep that from happening.
recovery is a life long process and relapse is a life long possibility. i think it depends on how commited the addict is to continueously doing what is needed to keep that from happening.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Relapse was a part of my active addictions, not my recovery. After 4 years I drank/used again, and I can assure you no one put a gun to my head, nor was it tied to recovery in any way, shape, or form.
I hear that phrase used over and over as a cop-out by far too many.
That kind of thinking started in treatment centers.
There are many I know who did relapse and never made it back because they are dead. That is not a part of recovery.
I hear that phrase used over and over as a cop-out by far too many.
That kind of thinking started in treatment centers.
There are many I know who did relapse and never made it back because they are dead. That is not a part of recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: atlanta
Posts: 90
Thank you all for the very great insight. I especially liked how cynical put it into perspective for the codie, THAT"S ME! And it does make sense. It is very hard not to slip back into my old behaviors but it is also possible to stand my ground and not fall back into that pattern.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Relapse can be good for your recovery. Who says it has to be yours though??
I watch someone come back in after going back out, looking like they'd been run through the ringer , pretty much sums it up to me.
I've never seen one person in all the years I've been sober come back to a meeting saying, they had it under control now.
I pay close attention to what they have to say, why they went back out how quickly their life turned to crap. The number one reason I hear people say they quit going to meetings.
Not to say, you can't get this program and possibly attend church and help others. What I'm saying is people slip back into the same life style that, brought them to their knees to begin with.
I watch someone come back in after going back out, looking like they'd been run through the ringer , pretty much sums it up to me.
I've never seen one person in all the years I've been sober come back to a meeting saying, they had it under control now.
I pay close attention to what they have to say, why they went back out how quickly their life turned to crap. The number one reason I hear people say they quit going to meetings.
Not to say, you can't get this program and possibly attend church and help others. What I'm saying is people slip back into the same life style that, brought them to their knees to begin with.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
i have heard this statement made many times. i think it is a paraphrase (or intentional mis?) of the following:
relapse is part of addiction. it's a subtle difference, but what i hear in this statement, is that relapse can happen, relapse is a piece of the giant picture called addiction and recovery from it, relapse is always a possibility. not sure if that makes sense, but it is certainly not a statement meaning that everyone experiences it!
i am reading into things, but i hope your addict has not used this statement as some kind of "pass" for himself.
progress, not perfection.
i use this one when i have been walking along taking two steps forward, and then maybe one back. when i have been trying and making progress but then have a slip-up. one recent example, is when i was trying to have hands off my abf. i was trying to detach, not check up on him, just sit back and see if he was going to walk the talk or not. i sat in the car with him - about a month after he came home and wanted to put the heroin on the shelf - and said, "i need to tell you something. i did something i'm ashamed of. i picked up your phone yesterday and looked at your call records." then i started to cry. his reply was "progress not perfection". and then he said "i know that the only reason you do not trust me, is because of how i have messed up. i have to live with that."
my perspective; hope it is helpful.
relapse is part of addiction. it's a subtle difference, but what i hear in this statement, is that relapse can happen, relapse is a piece of the giant picture called addiction and recovery from it, relapse is always a possibility. not sure if that makes sense, but it is certainly not a statement meaning that everyone experiences it!
i am reading into things, but i hope your addict has not used this statement as some kind of "pass" for himself.
progress, not perfection.
i use this one when i have been walking along taking two steps forward, and then maybe one back. when i have been trying and making progress but then have a slip-up. one recent example, is when i was trying to have hands off my abf. i was trying to detach, not check up on him, just sit back and see if he was going to walk the talk or not. i sat in the car with him - about a month after he came home and wanted to put the heroin on the shelf - and said, "i need to tell you something. i did something i'm ashamed of. i picked up your phone yesterday and looked at your call records." then i started to cry. his reply was "progress not perfection". and then he said "i know that the only reason you do not trust me, is because of how i have messed up. i have to live with that."
my perspective; hope it is helpful.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
As many have already said.....relapse is definitely NOT a part of recovery; it's a part of (active) addiction.
But, let's take another look at the oft-quoted, yet oft-misunderstood phrase....: '...progress not perfection.'
That's not exactly how it's written in the BB; it's located on page 60; in the paragraph directly following the steps, and it says.....: "...Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like per-
fect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection..." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st. Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 60~
This is NOT talking about getting sober (with or without relapses); it is definitely NOT an excuse for slipping/relapsing/using/drinking. It IS talking about adhering to the principles (the rules....?....the steps....?....the program.....?); how we work the steps/the program (a new way of living).....the 'not drinking/using;' the abstinence--that's a given. The only step that even mentions alcohol is Step-1; we work that step and we stop (drinking); the rest of the steps are a 'design for living' not a design for quitting (again, that was accomplished with Step-1). .....at least this is how it was explained to me.....
NoelleR
....and er P.S. "...Is it safe to assume that a RA is bound to relapse while recovering?..." not true; many recovered A's did so w/o relapse; there arfe even a # of us on this site....... (o:
But, let's take another look at the oft-quoted, yet oft-misunderstood phrase....: '...progress not perfection.'
That's not exactly how it's written in the BB; it's located on page 60; in the paragraph directly following the steps, and it says.....: "...Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like per-
fect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection..." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st. Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 60~
This is NOT talking about getting sober (with or without relapses); it is definitely NOT an excuse for slipping/relapsing/using/drinking. It IS talking about adhering to the principles (the rules....?....the steps....?....the program.....?); how we work the steps/the program (a new way of living).....the 'not drinking/using;' the abstinence--that's a given. The only step that even mentions alcohol is Step-1; we work that step and we stop (drinking); the rest of the steps are a 'design for living' not a design for quitting (again, that was accomplished with Step-1). .....at least this is how it was explained to me.....
NoelleR
....and er P.S. "...Is it safe to assume that a RA is bound to relapse while recovering?..." not true; many recovered A's did so w/o relapse; there arfe even a # of us on this site....... (o:
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