paige n

Talked to my Ah today. he's still in the hospital, no permanent damage done to his pancreas but the doctor told him he had to quit drinking. Gee, really? He sounded sober and quiet. I asked him his plans and he said he's going home to Virginia. Apparently his folks told him he could live with them for awhile. He's got some plans for work and seemed to be okay with it all. I hung up the phone and have just been bawling my eyes out. I don't know why it hurts so bad after all the hell he's put me through. I guess because its ending and I know I still love him. But, the best chance for his recovery is at home I know. He'll have some support and that's where he grew up so I know he'll feel comfortable and he still has friends there. Of course, I'm having all these feelings of what else could I have done? Maybe I wasn't supportive enough, etc. I just wish I could have the old "us" back. It was a great marriage until the drinking started. Maybe if we had other problems before this wouldn't be so bad. I don't know. I know I can't wonder "what if" but it sure is hard. What really hurts is that I wonder if he'll go home and clean up his life and then meet someone new. Then I think I'll always hurt for giving him up. Forgive me if I'm not making sense, I'm emotionally in a bad place.

Ann

Paige

I am sorry for the pain that you are going through right now. I think it is sad and we need to grieve the loss of the person we used to know. We can only pray that they will find help, but we cannot stay in the darkness with them.

Right now it hurts to let go of the past and the future is a scary unknown. Just trust that you are okay just being in today and that living one day at a time will see you through.

Once you have been out of the chaos for a while, even though you are sad, you will feel a peace surround you. Not having to run to hospitals, detoxes, not having to wonder if he will come home drunk, and not having to worry about trusting your children with him, will give you strength.

Just give yourself time to grieve, to heal and to be extra good to yourself right now.

Also, it would be a great time to get out to some Al-Anon meetings and connect to some live support. And the night out and coffee with friends there will lift your spirts, I promise.

Remember, tomorrow is not ours to control, yesterday is gone, so just live in today and find peace.

Hugs
Ann

JT

Paige,

What you are feeling is normal. Don't think it is not. It seems so unfair that we go through all we go through and when we have a chance for some peace that committe in our heads gets us all confused again.

We have all been there. Heck, I still go there sometimes. But there is hope. I go there far far less often now because I have some years behind me.

There are no quick fixes... just time. Take Ann's advise and bury yourself in your program and strive to have the peace you want so badly. Stock your kitchen with favorite foods and have a picnic with the kids on the floor in front of a movie. Be good to yourself and try not to second guess the future.

Hugs,
JT