JHparkes

Hi,

I'm a female 31 years old and have come to the realisation that I need help.

I am a binge drinker and have been for several years now and have realised that I cannot control my drinking.
Nights out always seem to end up with me having no recollection of anything I have done. Just this past weekend I fell down some stairs and damaged my hand. It is because of this incident that I have realised i can no longer help myself.

Let me explain somethings significant first. I used to be a cigarette smoker but have quit now for 7 months and I believe this has caused a spiral down into my binge drinking too, as I now drink quicker to compensate, use alcohol to calm my nerves instead of a cigarette.
In addition to this, I am not the most confident of people and feel like I need a drink to loosen myself up. Even with my friends that i have known all my life, I seem to have a need to drink to feel more of a fun person.
I am also on antidepressants (Citalopram) because of some events in my life which are very stressful and hard to cope with - could this be elevating the effects of the alcohol?

I did manage to go out on New Years eve and stay relatively sober. I was determined before I went out for the evening that I would alternate my drinks with soft drinks and I managed to stick to this plan and had a brilliant night. However, the last couple of times I have gone out, it has all gone to pot. Interestingly, it seems to be when I drink wine either before or during the time I am out. But when I tell myself I won't drink wine, I feel as though I am not getting the "effects" quick enough.

I can go without drink during the week, but I sometimes fancy a drink to wind down. I can also limit myself to just one drink if I go to a friend's house or if i have drink in my own company.

I just want to know your advice? I know i have a problem as I have had a look at some of the literature that is on the internet etc.

To completely abstain from alcohol seems like I'm giving up all my fun and to be honest, feels like a mountain to overcome.
I have read a few threads on here where people started off in my position and spiralled further into alcoholism - that is definately what I do not want.

Thanks

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You're right about the spiralling. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse, unless you stop.

It takes a lot of motivation to stop drinking, but you can do it. If you take a look around the boards, you'll see, that with all our struggles, we do have fun. For most of us, me included, drinking was no longer fun. The alcohol controlled me and I obsessed about it. Stopping drinking, helped me to get my life back.

least

Don't look at sobriety as a 'forever' thing. Take it one day at a time, as it comes, and just don't drink for today. You are so right about it getting worse with time. I started off innocently enough just having one glass of wine to relax before the kids came home from high school and within six months I was drinking all day, every day. I tried to moderate my drinking but couldn't do it. It was always too much.

I got sick of being sick all the time, not to mention losing my self respect and the respect of my kids, and got sober. I've fallen off the wagon several times since my first sober date but am now back on and enjoying sobriety for the reward it truly is. No more regrets or risks or feeling horrible the next day. No more wasted money or wasted days and nights. I like myself a lot better sober and intend to stay that way, one day at a time. You can too.

soberinwpg

I think that anytime I try to control something, I'm out of control.
I too struggled with a lot of your issues. It took me a long time to see that my drinking wasn't fun anymore. Unfortunately I spiralled but I HAD to hit bottom. I would hope that newcomers could learn by our lessons but I was a wee bit too stubborn. I was "different" than everyone.
That mountain you are looking at? Look at it one step at a time. Nobody knows what is at the top of the mountain or even what is on the other side. I make myself crazy trying. lol. One issue at at time.
Is drinking "working" for you anymore?
Welcome here.

john0000

I know exactly how you are feeling, today is my first day on here and although i hate my drinking I also hate the thought of giving it up which makes no sense to me.
I know what you mean about having to be determined to not get drunk and I really hate the fact that it seems to be so easy for other people to just have fun when I end up being a complete mess.

I cannot just have one drink - I have always been like this however now I realise that I have a problem. I just don't know how I will socialise with friends as it always involves going for drinks, I don't even know why I am having this "Argument" with myself when i hate the way I feel the next day!!

intention

Hi JH and welcome to SR

This is a sign your alcoholism is probably progressing.


I think this is a co-incidence. I'm certainly not recommend that you smoke again but I would guess if you were smoking now, you would still be consuming the same amount of alcohol...........in other words more than 7 months ago. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.




Well I would guess they are not recommended with alcohol in large quantites but the effects of alcohol now being elevated on you are more likely due to the fact that the disease in your body and brain has progressed. You need to drink more now because your tolerance is higher and you are blacking out quicker and more regularly........this due to the damage done.

So did I and I was very proud of myself. On January 2nd I drank again and was unconscious within a couple of hours. I don't remember what happened.


This is because you have a high tolerance and only wine seems to hit the spot for you. Wine was my drink in the end.


If you can limit your drinks, then why can't you limit them all the time? Lots of alcoholics can do controlled drinking under certain circumstances but it doesn't matter if they can't do it ALL the time.


You can stop the spiralling down by stopping drinking now. Controlling your drinking is not working and I can't offer any help on that because if I knew how to do that, I would not have had to quit completely.

On January 3rd this year I was finally beaten by alcohol. I really did admit I was powerless. I have never felt so bad in my whole life and I knew that I had taken my last drink. My next immediate thought was "what am I going to do on Christmas Day?".....and this is a couple of days after New Year. It's insane.

This is why we have to take it one day at a time. I found the solution in working the 12 Steps of AA. I hope you can find your way to a sober life.
Take care.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR JHparkes, you are not alone in this, I found a solution for my alcoholism once I came to the full realiztion that I could not stay stopped on my own.

Have you thought about AA? What is there to lose? A drinking problem? What is to gain? A new way of life, free of yourself and the bonds of alcoholism and new sober friends.

Lionne

Welcome JHparkes,
I can see similarities to myself, I was binge drinking too, some of the drinking patterns you described could easily have been mine, and I am sober for roughly 7.5 months.
I wish I had come to that realization when I first injured myself. Coincidentally, I fell down the stairs too, damaged my hand, and have 2 fingers on my right hands whose joints will stay thicker and less flexible for the rest of my life.

I knew I had a problem at that moment too, but it took me 1.5 more years, more injuries and the escalation of my drinking to do something about it.

At the prospect of quitting, there were always future social events that popped into my mind, and I couldn't possibly not drink, could I? And I also did the drinking before going out thing. I had also tried a lot of "drinking restrictions" like, ok, I won't drink (insert alcoholic beverage here), then I'll be fine and I will not get as horribly drunk, and I could on smoe occasions "moderate". It didn't work for me, in the end, I was getting very drunk 2-3 times a week.
I know, giving up drinking may sound like an unattainable goal and like giving up fun at that stage. But is it really that fun at the moment? Not remembering anything, being hungover, injuring oneself are not enjoyable experiences. It is possible to have fun and enjoy life without alcohol, and for me, getting sober, and learning to cope also helped me to better know my own stress threshold gradually I am now learning build a better defense against stressful events in my life. With alcohol, that didn't work.

JHparkes

hey thanks for all the replies,
I've got to say, I'm gutted i didn't get one single response saying that I could carry on drinking in moderation - I guess that is the alcoholism in me talking. And that is really scary in itself, to hear that all the symptoms I am showing are signs of alcoholism already. I associate that name with winos who have red noses and blood shot eyes, and who are scruffy looking with pea stained trousers.

I don't know how the hell I am going to do this. All my friends drink, and drink heavily. The night I was out New Years eve and I was slightly sober, I could tell a difference; I just wasn't on their level - people irritated me more with their grabbing and stumbling.
It also opened my eyes to what I must look like.

I am not sure there is an AA meeting in my area, although I shall look it up...

How do you guys cope with social nerves without alcohol as a relaxant?

Lionne

Hi again JhParkes,

Don't be afraid, it is possible to do do this, and it is possible to cope with social anxiety without a drink.

In the very beginning of my sobriety, I didn't go to a lot of activities that focused on heavy drinking. Instead, I tried to look what kind of things I could participate in with people I knew that were not heavy drinkers. I had to look around a bit and I found out that not really everybody I knew drank as much as I did, so maybe this is also the case for you? Like hiking, going to concerts, going to the spa or swimming, going to the movies. It took some of the social pressure of until I felt a little bit more confident.When, at 2 months sober, I had to go to a wedding, I made myself the designated driver, which worked well. ABut once I quit, I found out that I didn't have that much in common with some people, and that they were just drinking buddies and the booze was our common denominator. The real friends have stayed real frineds, in fact I found out later that some of them were rather preoccupied and are happy that I don't drink anymore.

As for how to look for help, maybe you can find out if there is some form of alcohol counselling service available in your area. Here is also a link for AA in the UK that you might find helpful:
Alcoholics Anonymous Great Britain, and they also have a Helpline: 0845 769 7555

You can contact this number, they can probably redirect you to some service in your area:
Drinkline - The National Alcohol Helpline
0800 917 8282 - (England and Wales, Mo-Fri, 9am -11pm)
Drinkline offers free, confidential information and advice on alcohol.

JasperFan

JHParkes, you sound very similar to me. I came here about 3 months ago because I was worried about binge drinking. Similar situation to you, on citalopram and using alcohol to relax me socially. I was recommended to go away and take a break for 30 days and see how if that made a difference to my life. I decided to go for the moderation route instead and it was only about 3 days before I was blitzed on 2 bottles of wine. I've been drunk on the same amounts at least once a week since then and sometimes 2/3 times. I've missed several days of work and can't recall a lot of those hours spent drinking.

Now here I am 3 months later back in the exactly same position. It wasn't until the past few weeks that I realised just how powerless I am over alcohol. I can feel the difference in that very first sip of that 'quick drink' I'm going to have after work and I know how its going to end and yet I can't stop it.

In the end it's up to you what you decide to do but I'm starting to feel abstinence is the only way to go. Good luck and let me know how you get on

intention

It is ok to not go out socially to start with people who are drinking/in places with drink.

This is why AA is a good place to go. You get to meet people, who don't drink, who you can have a social life with and who you have a lot in common with.

Have you looked online? There are meeting lists for each area.

FanofJoeMcQ

Welcome. So glad you are here and can ask questions. This is an amazing place! For me, I couldn't control my drinking any more than I could control the second hand on a clock. I was so stubborn. I don't recommend putting off finding out about recovery. Its a wonderful life. I liked getting counseling and seeing who I really am without all the crap (drugs and alcohol) in my system. It wasn't easy but it was well worth finding out. I hope you find peace.

Dee74

Hi JH

Welcome. I was pretty much in your position - I blacked out, had injuries, was becoming 'drunker and drunker'...but I didn't do anything about it.

I didn't want to lose my friends or change my life...I didn't want to be an alcoholic...so I did nothing...eventually I became an all day every day drinker and very nearly died.

I'm not saying this to scare you, or to suggest you'll end up where I did, but alcoholism is clearly damaging you now, and it is progressive in my experience, and a lot of others experience here too.

You have a choice to make.
I hope you choose to do something now

D

ElegantlyWasted

Hi JH, I relate to the progressive aspect to problem/bing drinking. I dried out six months ago, because I realized that I was doing increasingly stupid things while drinking. I also had a VERY strong rationalization system in
my head that is still being retooled. As to smoking (quitting is my next project), the collective wisdom I've garnered from both professionals and experienced laypeople is quit booz 1st, use cigs as a crutch for awhile. You're brain and body will go through some major chemical rewiring and it is best not to over stress your system. Get a program/ plan and work it. I know I'm in a better place and that it
will continue to improve. Best of luck and keep us posted!

Dee74

Hi and welcome to you too John0000

Yeah the problem is, right or wrong, unfair or not, we're just not like other people.

We're alcoholics - and admitting that, and adjusting our lifestyle accordingly, is a fundamental step.

It's a doozy tho...that's why SR is here - for help and support
D

sunshinebaby

You can do it. I was a binge drinker too and I hated the thought of giving up something that was fun for me and that I enjoyed doing. I am on day 38 and don't even feel like a drink now. I would rather have chocolate...Good luck and keep coming back!

humblestudent

I'm a former binger too...and I had that panic about what in the world would I do for fun without drinking...since drinking was everything to me. And you know...being sober is not nearly as awful as I thought it would be AT ALL. I can think better...not just because I'm not drunk/hungover, but I mean, I feel like I can honestly make better connections in my head that just escaped me before. Felt like I was in a fog pretty much all the time, but didn't realize it til I stopped drinking entirely. After all, I had no frame of reference after drinking for 20 years!

You're doing the right thing. Moderation doesn't work - it only made me more obsessed with the whole thing, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Sobriety on the other hand, is just plain nice.

freespirit78

nice to hear relatable stories.....binge drinker too here.....could go a week or two without but then something or some event would come up....and there we go drunkered