definition of codependency
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
definition of codependency
Hi, friends!
I'm on my second trip to work in the big city. Much less drama this time.
I am having a lovely time with my friends.
I reread an old post that recommended someone read Codependent No More, then read it again.
Amused, I began it again today.
Yes, its like a whole new book.
There, in the very beginning is a definition of codependency:
"An emotional, behavioral and psychological condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules - rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems."
...and later...
"These rules prohibit discussion about problems; open expression of feelings; direct, honest communication; realistic expectations, such as being human, vulnerable or imperfect; selfishness; trust in other people or oneself; playing and having fun; and rocking the delicately balanced family canoe through growth or change - however healthy and beneficial that movement might be."
You know, my husband is REALLY GREAT MOST of the time. I want to excuse him (I know I am not alone in wanting to do that). But here is this definition, that doesn't even have to include the sneaking or lying or drinking. Without all those complaints, it is a definition of my relationship! I call our non-communication the "Do Not Go There" Box, but its just a set of oppressive rules of no communication.
Wow. How did she know? Has she met my husband and I?
Just thought I'd share.
Hugs
w
I'm on my second trip to work in the big city. Much less drama this time.
I am having a lovely time with my friends.
I reread an old post that recommended someone read Codependent No More, then read it again.
Amused, I began it again today.
Yes, its like a whole new book.
There, in the very beginning is a definition of codependency:
"An emotional, behavioral and psychological condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules - rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems."
...and later...
"These rules prohibit discussion about problems; open expression of feelings; direct, honest communication; realistic expectations, such as being human, vulnerable or imperfect; selfishness; trust in other people or oneself; playing and having fun; and rocking the delicately balanced family canoe through growth or change - however healthy and beneficial that movement might be."
You know, my husband is REALLY GREAT MOST of the time. I want to excuse him (I know I am not alone in wanting to do that). But here is this definition, that doesn't even have to include the sneaking or lying or drinking. Without all those complaints, it is a definition of my relationship! I call our non-communication the "Do Not Go There" Box, but its just a set of oppressive rules of no communication.
Wow. How did she know? Has she met my husband and I?
Just thought I'd share.
Hugs
w
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Sounds on the ball to me. I had no alcohol problem people close to me when I grew up (that I knew of) but here I am seeing myself described so well.
Why I don't know for sure, but I was brought up to consider others, care for those in need, not be selfish and to control my temper. Became a nurse where the above became ingrained in me I guess.
Hmmm, have I answered my question right here?
Thought I had survived and left my marriage that had become toxic, only to later end up in a harder relationship than I could ever believe.
It has taken until SR helped me to SEE and DO at last, to look at me and finally put ME and my needs first and to take steps which have freed me from so many problems. I also have the strength of mind and heart to keep my boundaries intact and know that if my ABF crosses them in future, I will be able to end that for good.
I leave the future in God's hands now, and it is wonderful not to have to try and control a chaotic world all by myself. That is His job, not mine.
God bless
Why I don't know for sure, but I was brought up to consider others, care for those in need, not be selfish and to control my temper. Became a nurse where the above became ingrained in me I guess.
Hmmm, have I answered my question right here?
Thought I had survived and left my marriage that had become toxic, only to later end up in a harder relationship than I could ever believe.
It has taken until SR helped me to SEE and DO at last, to look at me and finally put ME and my needs first and to take steps which have freed me from so many problems. I also have the strength of mind and heart to keep my boundaries intact and know that if my ABF crosses them in future, I will be able to end that for good.
I leave the future in God's hands now, and it is wonderful not to have to try and control a chaotic world all by myself. That is His job, not mine.
God bless
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