My mother
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
My mother
I disowned her 20 years ago. Not by choice, but due to severe PTSD symptoms and literally vomiting any time I had contact.
My other two sisters have maintained a minimum level of contact with her over the years. I forbid them to discuss me with her.
Since 2006 or so, I've undergone only what i can call miraculous healing with regard to my anger towards her and my inability to even think about her, much less talk about her.
Both sisters have friended her on facebook. So I see her name and face, after this long. My response? Not much.
Mostly I feel a bit sad for her. She has never known my two younger children, I cut off contact with her when my older son was 5. She is basically illiterate, spelling "prittee" instead of pretty and many other examples.
I'm spending some time considering my plan of action here, rather than reaction and running and freaking right the **** out, which is what I did, literally for decades. It was severe.
I have yoga to thank. I can stand and breath and release the madness around me.
I have this place and you fine folks to thank. I know I am safe and where my boundaries are.
I think mainly I am not sure how to handle the awkwardness of the situation. She is in several mass emails my sister has sent out and I'm also aware she can see my posts on their pages.
ordinarily, this would make me hysterical. I'm being very careful, respectful of the power of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, because if a trigger hits me about my mother, I could be down for the count. I've worked long and hard to understand and overcome that trauma.
But I'm a bit stunned by my progress. And grateful, grateful, grateful.
My other two sisters have maintained a minimum level of contact with her over the years. I forbid them to discuss me with her.
Since 2006 or so, I've undergone only what i can call miraculous healing with regard to my anger towards her and my inability to even think about her, much less talk about her.
Both sisters have friended her on facebook. So I see her name and face, after this long. My response? Not much.
Mostly I feel a bit sad for her. She has never known my two younger children, I cut off contact with her when my older son was 5. She is basically illiterate, spelling "prittee" instead of pretty and many other examples.
I'm spending some time considering my plan of action here, rather than reaction and running and freaking right the **** out, which is what I did, literally for decades. It was severe.
I have yoga to thank. I can stand and breath and release the madness around me.
I have this place and you fine folks to thank. I know I am safe and where my boundaries are.
I think mainly I am not sure how to handle the awkwardness of the situation. She is in several mass emails my sister has sent out and I'm also aware she can see my posts on their pages.
ordinarily, this would make me hysterical. I'm being very careful, respectful of the power of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, because if a trigger hits me about my mother, I could be down for the count. I've worked long and hard to understand and overcome that trauma.
But I'm a bit stunned by my progress. And grateful, grateful, grateful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Great progress, transform. You are wise to respect the crazy hairtrigger nature of PTSD. If your mother's meant to be in your life, there will come a time when you will know it clearly, and not just because her name is now popping up in social media.
Weekend
s
GL
Weekend
sGL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi transform-
as you heal from your relationship with xAH and stand on your own feet, you are getting stronger. and all that energy you used to invest in him and his drinking, is now free to focus on you. i'm not suprised at all that you now find some internal resources to face your mother, on your own terms. good stuff.
naive
as you heal from your relationship with xAH and stand on your own feet, you are getting stronger. and all that energy you used to invest in him and his drinking, is now free to focus on you. i'm not suprised at all that you now find some internal resources to face your mother, on your own terms. good stuff.
naive
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