Opinions-Recovery without AA/Functioning Alcoholics
Seeking Serenity
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
Opinions-Recovery without AA/Functioning Alcoholics
I have had these questions rolling around in my mind and I'm asking the SR family what they think. There are years of experience here on this site.
1. Is it possible to have sustainable recovery from alcoholism without going to AA? Is a detox program enough?
2. What constitutes an alcoholic? What is the benchmark? Is there a benchmark?
1. Is it possible to have sustainable recovery from alcoholism without going to AA? Is a detox program enough?
2. What constitutes an alcoholic? What is the benchmark? Is there a benchmark?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi, AA puts out some good literature and pamphlets regarding the definition of the word alcoholic.
There are also some sticky threads in the Alcohol forums where you might find that information. In Al-Anon, the definition that 'qualifies' membership is simple: anyone affected by someone else's drinking. If alcohol use is a problem for anyone involved, then I don't see that as being functional in any light.
When it came to my own family member's substance abuse- using the words 'addict' vs 'substance abuse' or 'casual drug use' didn't change my perspective about his actions one bit. Putting a label on it didn't make a difference for anyone in our family.
As far as those with 'sustainable recovery' without using AA...there are plenty of people here on SR with that experience; just as there are many of those who have found AA as a way to get and stay sober.
There are also some sticky threads in the Alcohol forums where you might find that information. In Al-Anon, the definition that 'qualifies' membership is simple: anyone affected by someone else's drinking. If alcohol use is a problem for anyone involved, then I don't see that as being functional in any light.
When it came to my own family member's substance abuse- using the words 'addict' vs 'substance abuse' or 'casual drug use' didn't change my perspective about his actions one bit. Putting a label on it didn't make a difference for anyone in our family.
As far as those with 'sustainable recovery' without using AA...there are plenty of people here on SR with that experience; just as there are many of those who have found AA as a way to get and stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
It isn't just about drinking or not drinking. It is a lifestyle, a way of thinking. One could make it if they participated in therapy or treatment or being part of a spiritual program. Some do this, many don't find it enough. The elements of AA that work are: it is a spiritual program, a social support network, and a school.
My simple understanding of A - is if it causes a problem then it is a problem. Functional A's are functional is usually one area of life - a job... they don't usually manage more than that - if it appears so then look for the person who is enabling them by managing everything else and asking nothing in return except a paycheck. Most people live entangled in multiple roles and responsibilities in life - people with problems have much more limited lives b/c they don't have the skills to manage.
My simple understanding of A - is if it causes a problem then it is a problem. Functional A's are functional is usually one area of life - a job... they don't usually manage more than that - if it appears so then look for the person who is enabling them by managing everything else and asking nothing in return except a paycheck. Most people live entangled in multiple roles and responsibilities in life - people with problems have much more limited lives b/c they don't have the skills to manage.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by myawakening 
I have had these questions rolling around in my mind and I'm asking the SR family what they think. There are years of experience here on this site.
1. Is it possible to have sustainable recovery from alcoholism without going to AA? Is a detox program enough?
2. What constitutes an alcoholic? What is the benchmark? Is there a benchmark?
1. Is it possible to have sustainable recovery from alcoholism without going to AA? Is a detox program enough?
2. What constitutes an alcoholic? What is the benchmark? Is there a benchmark?
When I was 53 CPS took my precious 4yo daughter away and told me if I wanted her back all I had to do was stop drinking, and a few other little things.
By then I'd already been sober for several weeks. I had prayed to my HP to take the desire to drink away, I missed beer for exactly 3 days. BTW, I didn't believe in God then. I do now.
This spring I will be celebrating my 4th year of continuous sobriety. A judge sentenced me to AA along with giving me sole custody of my dd. I honored his "sentence" for over 3 years. I went to AA only once a week, and haven't been in a few months. Probably won't go back, but HP healed me from the compulsion to drink long before I went to AA.
Believe me when I say I'm done, the pain I've seen caused by alcohol is unlike anything I've been through before or since. And I've been around for a while!
I do however still attend Alanon, and probably will for life. I need it for my emotional "sobriety".
Am I an alcoholic? IDK, but I was certainly was a drunk for many years and a day doesn't go by that I don't thank HP for His blessings to me.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by myawakening
...1. Is it possible to have sustainable recovery from alcoholism without going to AA? Is a detox program enough?
2. What constitutes an alcoholic? What is the benchmark? Is there a benchmark?
2. What constitutes an alcoholic? What is the benchmark? Is there a benchmark?
- Is it possible to have a healthy, positive relationship with a person who has _no_ program of recovery from their addiction?
- What constitutes unacceptable behavior? Regardless of what they are addicted to or not.
For me, it doesn't matter if my g/f goes to her meetings or not. What matters is her _behavior_ in our relationship. If she is honest, respectful and considerate towards me and others then I don't care what she drinks, if she drinks, how much she drinks....
I know my g/f well enough that I can tell when she's been cutting back on her recovery. I can tell in her behavior and attitudes.
I also know _me_ well enough that I can tell when _I_ have been cutting back on _my_ recovery, I start thinking that maybe her behavior isn't so bad, that maybe I should give her a little slack, that maybe I deserve to be treated with less than complete respect.
My biggest problem with alcoholism is that they named it after a beverage. It's _not_ about the beverage. It's about the behavior that I am willing to tolerate in my relationship.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Some FABULOUS things going on in this thread!
Functional A's are functional is usually one area of life - a job. - Kassie2
Holy cow Kassie! That's deep! I am married to a functional A. Really, really functional. But as I look at it, he is 100% stable for his job. Friends? None. Health? Not good. He isn't caring for his food/exercise as he could. Family? Distant. Marriage? LOL! Falling to pieces. A number of addictions, secrecy, depression. That's not so functional, after all.
- Is it possible to have a healthy, positive relationship with a person who has _no_ program of recovery from their addiction?
- What constitutes unacceptable behavior? Regardless of what they are addicted to or not.
I also know _me_ well enough that I can tell when _I_ have been cutting back on _my_ recovery, I start thinking that maybe her behavior isn't so bad, that maybe I should give her a little slack, that maybe I deserve to be treated with less than complete respect- DesertEyes
I love it! I love it! What constitutes unacceptable behavior? Are you being treated with complete respect?
Oh, I love you all for loving yourselves and modeling it for me. We deserve respect.
Thanks.
Functional A's are functional is usually one area of life - a job. - Kassie2
Holy cow Kassie! That's deep! I am married to a functional A. Really, really functional. But as I look at it, he is 100% stable for his job. Friends? None. Health? Not good. He isn't caring for his food/exercise as he could. Family? Distant. Marriage? LOL! Falling to pieces. A number of addictions, secrecy, depression. That's not so functional, after all.
- Is it possible to have a healthy, positive relationship with a person who has _no_ program of recovery from their addiction?
- What constitutes unacceptable behavior? Regardless of what they are addicted to or not.
I also know _me_ well enough that I can tell when _I_ have been cutting back on _my_ recovery, I start thinking that maybe her behavior isn't so bad, that maybe I should give her a little slack, that maybe I deserve to be treated with less than complete respect- DesertEyes
I love it! I love it! What constitutes unacceptable behavior? Are you being treated with complete respect?
Oh, I love you all for loving yourselves and modeling it for me. We deserve respect.
Thanks.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
I love what has been said on this post.
I called myself a "high functioning alcoholic" to try to make myself feel better early in my sobriety, but now I have come to realize and learn that I just got off the downward elevator at a higher floor. My high functioning was a myth and I was just progressing in the same way as all other alcoholics. So, while I use the concepts of "high functioning alcoholic" to help me connect with certain other alcoholics who are struggling with their first days/weeks of sobriety, I prefer to just call us "alcoholics".
Recovery is a set of life tools. Alcohol was our solution to our problem, so if I am not working on my real problems, then I'm not in recovery.
My best example is now when I start to feel depressed, I try to think of how I can help other people. In doing this, my depressed feelings go away. This is recovery.
Which program a person choses doesn't matter as much as the fact that they are continuing to work on it. For me, I have to work on it almost every day (although probably only 15-20 minutes a day) with a meeting or two each week. I use a combination of AA + SR + working with other alcoholics.
Works for me, so far...
I called myself a "high functioning alcoholic" to try to make myself feel better early in my sobriety, but now I have come to realize and learn that I just got off the downward elevator at a higher floor. My high functioning was a myth and I was just progressing in the same way as all other alcoholics. So, while I use the concepts of "high functioning alcoholic" to help me connect with certain other alcoholics who are struggling with their first days/weeks of sobriety, I prefer to just call us "alcoholics".
Recovery is a set of life tools. Alcohol was our solution to our problem, so if I am not working on my real problems, then I'm not in recovery.
My best example is now when I start to feel depressed, I try to think of how I can help other people. In doing this, my depressed feelings go away. This is recovery.
Which program a person choses doesn't matter as much as the fact that they are continuing to work on it. For me, I have to work on it almost every day (although probably only 15-20 minutes a day) with a meeting or two each week. I use a combination of AA + SR + working with other alcoholics.
Works for me, so far...
Seeking Serenity
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
My simple understanding of A - is if it causes a problem then it is a problem. Functional A's are functional is usually one area of life - a job... they don't usually manage more than that - if it appears so then look for the person who is enabling them by managing everything else and asking nothing in return except a paycheck.
Kassie-this hit home because my AH used the fact that he has a good job and never misses a day from work to continue to say he doesn't have a drinking problem. We didn't have any financial issues...in that regard he held it together. Money was always a big thing for him...enough was never enough for him. His self worth was tied to how much money he had. He held that up against anyone else he would meet or friends that he had...did he have more than them? If so, he was happy with that relationship. If they had more...he eliminated them from his 'social' circle and resented them for it.
For me, it doesn't matter if my g/f goes to her meetings or not. What matters is her _behavior_ in our relationship. If she is honest, respectful and considerate towards me and others then I don't care what she drinks, if she drinks, how much she drinks....
Mike-you make perfect sense! In the early years of our marriage my husband was respectful and considerate towards me and others when he drank. As time went on he became meaner and nastier to me and others as we started to realize he had a problem and we would ask him to stop. The more vocal we (myself and our adult children) got about his behavior...the more he drank. Did we do this to him? It feels like it...
Kassie-this hit home because my AH used the fact that he has a good job and never misses a day from work to continue to say he doesn't have a drinking problem. We didn't have any financial issues...in that regard he held it together. Money was always a big thing for him...enough was never enough for him. His self worth was tied to how much money he had. He held that up against anyone else he would meet or friends that he had...did he have more than them? If so, he was happy with that relationship. If they had more...he eliminated them from his 'social' circle and resented them for it.
For me, it doesn't matter if my g/f goes to her meetings or not. What matters is her _behavior_ in our relationship. If she is honest, respectful and considerate towards me and others then I don't care what she drinks, if she drinks, how much she drinks....
Mike-you make perfect sense! In the early years of our marriage my husband was respectful and considerate towards me and others when he drank. As time went on he became meaner and nastier to me and others as we started to realize he had a problem and we would ask him to stop. The more vocal we (myself and our adult children) got about his behavior...the more he drank. Did we do this to him? It feels like it...
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