Moved and doing okay
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Moved and doing okay
Hello Dear Friends,
Last weekend was amazing. Saturday, old friends that I haven't seen since I married STBX-AH came and helped pack and move boxes. Sunday, work people came and moved the rest of the boxes and furniture. My 16 YO and his friends helped, too. It was truly amazing that we moved me completely on a day's notice, and completed it in 2 days.
Thursday and Friday I got my internet working. My 20 YO is home from Omaha for Christmas, and both boys have been with me off and on. Wonderful!
Still... I'm sad sometimes. My stupid heart keeps missing him. My head knows it is impossible for me to ever be with him again. And it's soooo hard to have him (via his and my attys) throwing a barrage of lies at me every few days. The one that hurt the most was that I had slept with all the neighbors. I told my atty to call any one, or all of our neighbors, or anybody else he can think of, to the stand, under oath, in front of God and the judge, and question them. But then... my atty said that all that matters in the long run is the division of finances/debts and property. So I requested of her and he and his atty to stop the character defamation and get down to the division of things. It occurred to me too (dah), that if I don't think the division is fair, I don't have to sign. There's no man on my horizon waiting for me to get divorced, so no need to sign.
I went to church today. Well... I went AFTER I'd visited Dakota the yellow lab at "his" house for the designated hour of Sunday visitation. It was SO good to be back in church, albeit a different one than I went to before. I was welcomed fervently, and even knew a few people.
I'm a bit discouraged with Al-Anon. I don't seem to get anything out of the meetings. You can't even say what you have on your heart, but have to go by the theme of the day. I suppose the whole point is the 12 steps. But I suck at reading non-fiction, unless it's short and to the point. Any of the Al-Anon literature I've picked up has gone in a pile after I'd tried to plow through it for a few minutes. I'm going to see if I can get in touch with a different counselor next week. Maybe that will be what I need.
Anyway... sorry for the long post. Just wanted to let everyone know what's going on.
Love, Hugs!
Tigg
Last weekend was amazing. Saturday, old friends that I haven't seen since I married STBX-AH came and helped pack and move boxes. Sunday, work people came and moved the rest of the boxes and furniture. My 16 YO and his friends helped, too. It was truly amazing that we moved me completely on a day's notice, and completed it in 2 days.
Thursday and Friday I got my internet working. My 20 YO is home from Omaha for Christmas, and both boys have been with me off and on. Wonderful!
Still... I'm sad sometimes. My stupid heart keeps missing him. My head knows it is impossible for me to ever be with him again. And it's soooo hard to have him (via his and my attys) throwing a barrage of lies at me every few days. The one that hurt the most was that I had slept with all the neighbors. I told my atty to call any one, or all of our neighbors, or anybody else he can think of, to the stand, under oath, in front of God and the judge, and question them. But then... my atty said that all that matters in the long run is the division of finances/debts and property. So I requested of her and he and his atty to stop the character defamation and get down to the division of things. It occurred to me too (dah), that if I don't think the division is fair, I don't have to sign. There's no man on my horizon waiting for me to get divorced, so no need to sign.
I went to church today. Well... I went AFTER I'd visited Dakota the yellow lab at "his" house for the designated hour of Sunday visitation. It was SO good to be back in church, albeit a different one than I went to before. I was welcomed fervently, and even knew a few people.
I'm a bit discouraged with Al-Anon. I don't seem to get anything out of the meetings. You can't even say what you have on your heart, but have to go by the theme of the day. I suppose the whole point is the 12 steps. But I suck at reading non-fiction, unless it's short and to the point. Any of the Al-Anon literature I've picked up has gone in a pile after I'd tried to plow through it for a few minutes. I'm going to see if I can get in touch with a different counselor next week. Maybe that will be what I need.
Anyway... sorry for the long post. Just wanted to let everyone know what's going on.
Love, Hugs!
Tigg
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 65
Good 4U
It sounds as if your move went well. I for one am sending you a heartfelt "attagirl" for moving forward.
I find Al Anon meetings the same but have made some connections there that have helped and now have a sponsor - the focus on meeting theme is to help you work the "spiritual" aspect of the program so that you can move past the hurt and have a better life for yourself. Since you are a churchgoer you may find some of that healing there. Also since you are seeing a counseler and writing here, you might find the release of the frantic negative energy that was your life will be lessened.
Stay well and keep us in the loop...we are here to support your well-being.
I find Al Anon meetings the same but have made some connections there that have helped and now have a sponsor - the focus on meeting theme is to help you work the "spiritual" aspect of the program so that you can move past the hurt and have a better life for yourself. Since you are a churchgoer you may find some of that healing there. Also since you are seeing a counseler and writing here, you might find the release of the frantic negative energy that was your life will be lessened.
Stay well and keep us in the loop...we are here to support your well-being.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Thanks
Pray4, Husband & Trans - Thanks!
BTW, I didn't move out because I wanted to. The man "stole" the house by convincing the judge that it was "his" house. We own the house together, and the condo is pre-marital property... mine. Interestingly, I'm quite happy in the condo. I loved having the fenced in back yard at the house, and the nice 3 acres behind the house that belongs to someone else that I don't have to pay taxes on. But the condo is light, bright, newer, happy feeling, while the house is dark, older, ragged and needs lots of money-sucking TLC. So, I'm happy in the condo, and am getting 3 walks a day with Huck, my doggie. Good to get fresh air and a bit of exercise even if I do smoke a cig as we walk.
Husband, I go to 2 Al-Anon meetings per week, and they both do the theme thing. I'll continue to go as long as I can stand it, hoping I'll "get it". But have a feeling they mostly all go approximately the same. People love going, so perhaps some day I will too. Mostly, I love being on THIS FORUM!
I made an appointment with a new counselor for tomorrow... it is a pre-counseling screening of sorts called an "Intake". I'm digging my mental heels in with Al-Anon and counseling, but I NEED to get better, and must persist. I cannot go through another AH or ABF or A-anything, and must learn how to choose well, and set boundaries, and whatever else to heal and grow.
Also struggling through the character-defamation going on with STBX-AH via the attys (we are in legal no-contact). Requested of my atty that we stop all that nonsense and get on with the business of division of finances and property. No response yet probably due to the holidays.
Thanks all for being there always! Hugs, -Tigg
BTW, I didn't move out because I wanted to. The man "stole" the house by convincing the judge that it was "his" house. We own the house together, and the condo is pre-marital property... mine. Interestingly, I'm quite happy in the condo. I loved having the fenced in back yard at the house, and the nice 3 acres behind the house that belongs to someone else that I don't have to pay taxes on. But the condo is light, bright, newer, happy feeling, while the house is dark, older, ragged and needs lots of money-sucking TLC. So, I'm happy in the condo, and am getting 3 walks a day with Huck, my doggie. Good to get fresh air and a bit of exercise even if I do smoke a cig as we walk.
Husband, I go to 2 Al-Anon meetings per week, and they both do the theme thing. I'll continue to go as long as I can stand it, hoping I'll "get it". But have a feeling they mostly all go approximately the same. People love going, so perhaps some day I will too. Mostly, I love being on THIS FORUM!
I made an appointment with a new counselor for tomorrow... it is a pre-counseling screening of sorts called an "Intake". I'm digging my mental heels in with Al-Anon and counseling, but I NEED to get better, and must persist. I cannot go through another AH or ABF or A-anything, and must learn how to choose well, and set boundaries, and whatever else to heal and grow.
Also struggling through the character-defamation going on with STBX-AH via the attys (we are in legal no-contact). Requested of my atty that we stop all that nonsense and get on with the business of division of finances and property. No response yet probably due to the holidays.
Thanks all for being there always! Hugs, -Tigg
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