tandem545

is that too catty? She's apparently home for her birthday/Christmas after 1 month straight of no contact. Her DOC is cocaine and she stays with her boyfriend/dealer. Now my mother says I need to get her a little something.

I just know what's coming. I will go home and everyone will pretend everything is normal. She will leave again by the day after Christmas and who knows how long until we hear from her again.

Chino

Yesterday, I revisited something I learned over a year ago: we're not supposed to do anything to cause or prevent a crisis with our addicts.

If you give her that card, is it possible you'll be causing a crisis for her and/or the rest of your family during this holiday?

Wishing you a blessed Christmas

hello-kitty

I had to laugh at your choice of Christmas Cards. umm... yeah. It won't have to intended effect I'm sure, unless your point is to p!ss everyone off. ;-) Sounds like something I would think about doing... but then in the spirit of the Holiday I'd probably switch to something a little more appropriate like: Happy Holidays with a let it snow theme and then I'd write a message like "hope you get everything you want for Christmas - ho ho ho."

tandem545

I guess I'm just having trouble with what to do with all the anger I have towards her. She's home, probably only because her boyfriend decided to spend the holidays with his own family and she'll be back with him again in another day or so. Am I just supposed to go home and pretend everything is fine? It really eats me up inside to do that. I want her to understand the hurt that she causes. She can't just come home whenever she pleases with no consequences from us.

If I was my parents I would only allow her to come home if she was serious about changing. They just can't bear to do that though. This way, they reason, they at least see her once in awhile.

I'm at a loss with what to get her for her birthday/Christmas as well. Any ideas? I just feel like I am rewarding her bad behavior if I get her something.

sojourner

tandem545: Well, your situation is the opposite of mine. I am not inviting my AS this Christmas pretty much because of what you said - "she (he) can't come home whenever she (he) pleases with no consequence from us" and also because i'm not going to take a front row seat to anybody's addiction including on the holidays. Except in my case, the AS's older brother thinks I'm being too harsh and doing more damage by not inviting him here to be a part of the family.

So I guess no matter what your parents do, somebody isn't going to agree with it.

Having said that, i understand your side of things more than your parent's. If you're uncomfortable quietly getting your sister nothing then how about something minimal/useful - like a $10 food coupon book from McDonald's? or a warm pair of no-brand-name mittens?

Hang in there, say a prayer, practice the Alanon slogans. You and your sister's HP is still in charge more than we can ever know.