WA_NA_Survivor

Has anyone found, even after a few years' clean time, the dilemma of making ill considered decisions (career & relocation), hating or dreading the consequences and then not being able to shut down the internal self condemnation? I am frequently finding myself in this situation with a thousand alarms jangling in my head and no way to shut it down.

Does it take a ton of step work to get through all of this?

Any ideas on this? This seems too much like some of the situations described in the "who is an addict" chapter of the BT and I thought I had moved on from this point.

Gmoney

I dunno...but if you're talking about [1] making a decision (any kind) and [2] having fear of whether it is/was a good one or not, and then [3] wishing I never made the decision: yes...I've been there. And, IMO, its all a part of being human and the only way to "move on" from it is gaining experience, confidence and faith.

WA_NA_Survivor

Thanks, I shared about it at a local meeting tonight, doesn't occupy my head all of the time - but something I need to work on, probably step 3 surrender stuff.

REZ

Anxiety, fear, regret--these are all normal emotions that any person may feel from time to time. As an addict, I used drugs to deal with these emotions. In recovery, I use steps, prayer/meditation, talking to other addicts, going to meetings, and other tools. I have had anxiety--even panic attacks--in recovery. But I have been able to get through it without using drugs by using the tools of NA.

Sugah

Although I can't say it was the result of a bad decision, I did go through a period where I was starting my day with anxiety attacks. I was three or four years clean at the time, active in recovery, active in the community, present and accounted for in my family, going to school and doing well -- life was good. Yet while I was getting dressed in the morning, my heart would start to flutter, my breathing became labored, my thoughts would race -- textbook panic attack.

I prayed on it, I talked with my sponsor, and finally, in desperation, I made an appointment with a therapist. She worked with me for ninety minutes, going over my previous two months with a fine tooth comb. When we started talking about a boundary I'd set with a family member, all the anxiety symptoms kicked into high gear. Although the boundary was a healthy one and, at least in my head, it was the most sensible thing to do, in my heart, I harbored a fear that I didn't have the right to draw the line where I did. This old ingrained idea that blood is thicker than water, yadda yadda.

So, I essentially and simultaneously fourth and fifth stepped that fear with her right there. I had to see what I was afraid of before I could let go of it. And once I sixth and seventh stepped the fear, it was gone -- and so were the anxiety attacks.

I just said all that to suggest that maybe you need to sit down with your sponsor, or someone trained (and familiar with our process, ideally) to help you get to the bottom of your feelings regarding your decision. For me, at least, the circumstance is usually pretty benign. I can get through a lot of undesirable situations without falling apart. It's when I start attaching negative or irrational feelings to them that I begin having problems.

I pray you find some peace soon.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

kj3880

I think it is very normal to go through feelings like that in every life from time to time. Hang in there, more will be revealed. God's purpose will become clear through prayer and time.

Love,
KJ

WA_NA_Survivor

Thanks to all, I don't come here very often and I felt a little estranged earlier this morning because I was discussing this and everyone was focused on gratitude, which is what I need to do more of, thanks for bearing with that - sometimes there's just no way to put gloss on what I'm experiencing. I value your input - I've been stretched so thin lately, but will need to get to regular meetings again soon in the city I'm moving to.