Although I can't say it was the result of a bad decision, I did go through a period where I was starting my day with anxiety attacks. I was three or four years clean at the time, active in recovery, active in the community, present and accounted for in my family, going to school and doing well -- life was good. Yet while I was getting dressed in the morning, my heart would start to flutter, my breathing became labored, my thoughts would race -- textbook panic attack.
I prayed on it, I talked with my sponsor, and finally, in desperation, I made an appointment with a therapist. She worked with me for ninety minutes, going over my previous two months with a fine tooth comb. When we started talking about a boundary I'd set with a family member, all the anxiety symptoms kicked into high gear. Although the boundary was a healthy one and, at least in my head, it was the most sensible thing to do, in my heart, I harbored a fear that I didn't have the right to draw the line where I did. This old ingrained idea that blood is thicker than water, yadda yadda.
So, I essentially and simultaneously fourth and fifth stepped that fear with her right there. I had to see what I was afraid of before I could let go of it. And once I sixth and seventh stepped the fear, it was gone -- and so were the anxiety attacks.
I just said all that to suggest that maybe you need to sit down with your sponsor, or someone trained (and familiar with our process, ideally) to help you get to the bottom of your feelings regarding your decision. For me, at least, the circumstance is usually pretty benign. I can get through a lot of undesirable situations without falling apart. It's when I start attaching negative or irrational feelings to them that I begin having problems.
I pray you find some peace soon.
Peace & Love,
Sugah