Kittyboo

This time of year can be really hard sometimes...
i'm one of those people. Though I know I have A LOT to be grateful for, sometimes i'm just consumed with loneliness.

And of course feeling especially lonely now because i'm in a place where I don't know anyone really, no family to spend Thanksgiving with, and all I can picture is my XA cuddling with someone else and of course not caring at all that i'm alone.
Self pity party!!!

So I've been sitting here bawling; my eyes are so puffy now. I'm sure over a lot of what therapy has brought up, but definitely about the A too... and I have nothing around that represents him, except....his business card. One lone business card.
So I was just overwhelmed with wanting to get rid of it......
so I jumped up, grabbed my matches and burned it. Gone, ashes, down the sink.

That stopped the tears for now. Like a cleansing.
So I think what I am going to do is burn all of the letters I wrote to him. All of the letters that are left over symbols of the pain he brought into my life. I think I just need to. The only list I won't burn is my negative/positive list - 3 positves....71 negatives. Helllloooo!

What are some things you do to cleanse yourself of the bond you share with someone who was so toxic in your life?

Kittyboo

LOL.... you are so frickin sweet! I wish I was, I would totally take you up on that, and then hit the beach!

I left fabulous NYC to come to Texas. Why oh why. haha

wanting

That was your first warning sign. You thought it was a good idea to leave NYC for Texas.

Feel better, hon. You are not alone!

Kittyboo

Yeah, that warning sign along with the highway lined with red flags all 1000 miles of the drive! Good grief!

Well, I will say the good thing about it here is the cost of living is great and I have been able to return to college. I lost my job in January in the city... So over all, I'm glad I left, just ticked over the reason I thought was worth it! HA!

But thank you.... I know I'm not alone; I wish we all could have thanksgiving dinner in Aruba!!! Next year....save up!

tjp613

HEY HEY!! I live in Texas !! Watch what you say!!

Are you around Houston??

Kittyboo

Haha... I know, don't mess with Texas!

No, I'm in Dallas. I have friends over in Houston but I haven't gotten over there yet; I want to soon though!

tjp613

I haven't been to Dallas since 1978 and I intend to keep it that way!! No wonder you don't like Texas!

Kittyboo

Haha, It's not so bad. I'll use this time to finish my degree...then who knows!

tjp613

Sorry I got off-topic, this really is a great question.

I did a kind of visualization/meditation exercise. I'd visualize he and I walking down a path in a meadow. In front of us were beautiful hills and we could not see on the other side. After we walk for awhile, there is a fork in the path and we decide to take different routes. I wish for God's blessings upon him, thank him for the part he played in my soul development, gently hug him and wave goodbye as we each move along, going our separate ways. I have a sense of peace and gratitude and turn my face up to the sunshine as I walk along, knowing that angels walk with me.

It helped immensely. It still does. I remember that we each have our own path in this life and I have the free will to always choose another if the path I'm on is looking narrow and dark.

I hope this day turns out to be a good day for you, in spite of your expectations. :ghug3

Kittyboo

Tjp- wow, thank you. I love that meditation. I've tried to visualize similar things, and I feel good for a moment, then overcome with thoughts again. Trying to get rid of those thoughts!
I found your post to be very familiar, as the last thing I said to him was "I am going to have to remove myself while you go down your chosen path."
(and then I wrote a month later spewing how much I missed him in my life.....anyhoo!)

And the expectations. That's one of my worst traits! I actually sit here and a part of me just wishes that I would get a text, or something, just saying happy thanksgving from him, as a "sign" that he cares. Oooop---expectation! And then when it doesn't happen, I'll give myself permission to hate him even more. Such a twisted thought process, which I am trying to balance out. Reading here, and writing helps.

Bucyn- I am Texas ignorant..lol, I have no idea where Coppell is. But I think I have heard of it. I live in Dallas, but near Plano and Frisco.

soberinwpg

I changed my password on my e-mail account. For example everytime I log in my password is "cheating a**hole". This way I am reminded daily of why I left.