wuzzled

I have been going to Al-anon for just over a year now, and still have not asked anyone to be my sponsor. I think I need to get one to be able to move forward in my program.

choosing one requires a decision and I have always had trouble with making decisions.

Anyway, I have some questions . . . .

How did you choose your sponsor? What helped you decide on a particular person?


How has your sponsor helped you?


How much time do you spend talking with and working with your sponsor?


I don't really know what to expect so I thought I'd ask here, knowing I'd get varying opinions.

I have a couple people in mind though. Thanks for your feedback and input.

JMFburns

Hey wuzzled,

I finally decided on a woman to ask to be my sponsor after attending a paticular AlAnon group for about a year. We met right away for "coffee" and got to know each other better. She did not have a set way of working w/a sponsee, just told me when it was most convenient to call her.

Well, a year has gone by, I think I've picked up the phone and called her twice - she has never called me. About the same time I asked her to be my sponsor she stopped attending the AlAnon meeting I met her at (my usual meeting,) on a regular basis. She comes sporadically and still arranges the monthly speakers for that meeting, but . . .

Each time she is there she'll say "You aren't calling!" And I say "I know, I just don't get around to it." It isn't as successful as I had hoped, but I'm not doing my part so . . .

I intend to either get better with contacting her or keep looking for someone else. I'll be interested to hear what others have to say.

ncgirl

Hi Wuzzled:
I had a list of people from my first meeting. I did not know people by name. I liked what one woman said at the meetings. I did not necessarily think she would be my friend...I wanted what she had, that serenity. She talked the talk. I called the person I thought was her, using my phone list. She was away having medical treatment, but she encouraged me to call her. I have learned that sponsees have to make the calls. We have to ask for help. So many addicts and alanons rotate in and out of the rooms, that the long timers don't attach themselves to the newbies, because they never know how long they will be there. I had to ask my sponsor for help. I called her when I had a crisis, which was quite often. I had to be honest with her. I was also reading One Day at a Time and Courage to Change, and starting, very, very slowly to understand that I had a huge problem, and that was me! While I recognized the words I was reading, the words did not make sense as they are program words. I would meet with my sponsor to talk. Gradually, we became very close friends. So close that I have a new sponsor because my original sponsor is my very close friend. It takes a lot of courage to reach out,but isn't that what you have, by virtue of going to meetings? you have the courage to change. I suggest you reach out and see who is on the other end. Give that person a chance. See if you connect. Ask for help. Share your life. Do the readings. Try to do what your sponsor suggests, which is often the "dos" and "don'ts". When I started, I did everyone one of the Don'ts. I thought doing the "dos" meant I was admitting failure and I was not going to go there. Yup, I was the problem...still am.

NC Girl

laurie6781

Although this is AA pamphlet about Sponsorship it is also very helpful in picking an Al-Anon sponsor.

Hope it helps you:

http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Love and hugs,

wuzzled

Thanks guy for your input and experience. It has been most helpful. I have been thinking about a couple people to ask, and think I'll go for it in the next few weeks. I'll let you know how it goes.

Lavash - Weird, we are on the same page so to speak, LOL. I think it's great we both started a thread about sponsorship. Mine is on the F&F of substance abuse, and yours is on the F&F of alcoholics. Hopefully this will give us more responses from different people.