Aysha

I use to get so offended when I first began recovery. Every little thing got under my skin.
On top of a huge ego and arrogance that I had. You couldnt tell me anything. And if you did. I either got mad or took everything too sensitively.
I have grown to appreciate the honesty and tough love tho.
And to be honest, I only respond to just that.
Its nice to have the sympathy and all that stuff.
But I have to look at it like this.
My addiction is coming at me full force and isnt going to sugar coat anything. So how am I suppose to get better with coddling and tummy rubs?
Its just not going to happen.
I believe in being gentle to a point.
But sometimes, people like me need a bighard kick in the ass.
And I may not like it. But its the truth and what has worked for me.
My addiction is never going to be gentle. You have to fight as hardcore for your recovery as your addiction is fighting to destroy you.
Just thinking out loud. Thx.

Horselover

I hear you on that Trish. Amazing how different all of us are. I would crumble with the "tough" love approach. I can take people disagreeing with me, but if it comes off in your face then I take it personally and get offended. I am also a softer approach with people and I know that doesn't help many, but that's who I am.

Boleo

The Truth will set you free - But first it hurts like h*** and will p*** you off.

Aysha

There is a right way to do everything IMO. I dont like how some may come full force in your face and make you feel less than. I have had it done to me. Thats just how some are.
And I believe being a little more gentler with newcomers is essential.
But after that. I believe we need to hear it exactly like it is. Get called on our BS and all that. But theres a decent way to do it.
If someone is just being down right dosrespectful, no matter what their intentions. Thats just wrong and will probably end up with someone getting punched in the mouth. LOL
But I have gotten to where I try my best to keep an open mind and take everything for the message not the tone or the way it comes out.
I was just thinking about how sensitive I use to be. I have been a hardcore extremem addict. I know I need the same in recovery.
There is nothing gentle or subtle about ym addiction or my actions and thoughts and even consequences to my using.
Its going to take just as much hardcore slaps to the head to get and stay clean. But I am only speaking for me.

Zencat

The truth dose hurt but it took some doing to find my truth. There are so many truths out there in this big world, however, finding my inner truths uncovered by self-discovery proved to be enlightening.

"Truth is what stands the test of experience."
- Albert Einstein

OZboy

:ghug3..you ai'nt alone..stay within yourself and nobody else..luv Ozy..

adore79

I think it depends a lot on the person, whether tummy rubs will do them better or a kick in the ass. But it comes down to what works, if coddling doesnt, then something else has to be tried.

stone

The blunt truth and tough love are good but the person has to be ready to hear it, otherwise they will just shut down and run away....and what help is that? Understanding and identification can be a big help too.

I too was incredibly arrogant, self-involved and ego driven and even though I have improved a lot in those areas I am still pretty sensitive. Also, if I am in denial I am last the one to know...that is what denial is.

I agree with your point Trish, I just think the person trying to help another person should try and use what is most appropriate at the time, although I understand they are bound to make mistakes, especially on a forum like this.

dan1957

Thanks for your share Aysha,

Sadistic, low self esteem, abusive assholes make me want to drink. I will go through life with hope and courage. I will call a spade a spade. I will figure out how to deal with these people. For today I will point out their flaws and tell them it is not my fault. I will be an assertive person. I will not be anyones punching bag.
I will not pick up that first drink. Because I will end up where I left off. I will not Let the assholes of this world get me to drink. I will resist the craving to drink. They only last 3 minutes. I will look in the mirror and admire myself, and see how much better I look since I quit drinking. I will not drink, one day at a time. 51 days sober and hanging on.

Best regards, Dan.

Tazman53

I have a fairly hard head but was just so sensative!!! The people who have helped me the most were the ones that with LOVE told me the truth or in a direct way helped me to find my own truth.

I liked the atta boys, but to be honest they did nothing except make me feel good at that moment, when I would come up with some bright idea of what I was going to do an old timer would ask me "So what are your motives for wanting to do that?" They were not expecting me to answer them really, but instead to look deeper into the REAL reasons I was considering something.

Then of course I would be spouting off some kind of BS of why I did not need to do something or why something suggested to me would not work for me, I would then be asked such things as "Why won't that work for you, have you tried it?" or "Why do you think you do not need to do that?" Once again, none of that buying into my BS, but instead making me think about and discuss things, especially myself.

If all I had ever gotten was "Good job!", "Thats okay", or "Well I am sure you will do better next time." I would never have stayed sober, I would never have looked inside of me to see ME and what I needed to change about me. In my eyes a whole lot of atta boys would have led me no where.

Horselover

I guess I see recovery as coming from within and when we are ready to recognize that we need to surrender and turn it over, the hard core approach nor the soft approach will work. I just don't like the confrontation that seems to come from the hard approach. It upsets me and makes me nervous. Probably comes from being a peace maker in my household as a child. Even back then I couldn't stand controversy. That's who I am.

Aysha

I know if I was standing on some train tracks and a train was about to hit me, I sure as heck would want someone to push me out of the way or get my attention any way possible.

Everyone responds differently. Everyone gets and stays clean differently.
I am super hard headed like Taz said.
I remember the first time I smoked pot or smoked crack. It didnt even get me high. I dont even know why I tried it again to be honest. I guess I am one of those that has to get burned before they know the fire is hot.

vegibean

OMG, right? Kick Ass Trish!!! YESSSS!!!!!! Nice post.

stone

What if they said the best way to avoid the train was to go to N.A.?

addicted123

Well to start with, being able to recognize your weaknesses is the first step to recovery.
Do whatever makes you comfortable and happy, just make sure that you're not putting other people down on the way to recovery.

Good luck to you...

Aysha

Then we could say the best way to avoid the train is to stay off the tracks to begin with. LOL