I have a fairly hard head but was just so sensative!!! The people who have helped me the most were the ones that with LOVE told me the truth or in a direct way helped me to find my own truth.
I liked the atta boys, but to be honest they did nothing except make me feel good at that moment, when I would come up with some bright idea of what I was going to do an old timer would ask me "So what are your motives for wanting to do that?" They were not expecting me to answer them really, but instead to look deeper into the REAL reasons I was considering something.
Then of course I would be spouting off some kind of BS of why I did not need to do something or why something suggested to me would not work for me, I would then be asked such things as "Why won't that work for you, have you tried it?" or "Why do you think you do not need to do that?" Once again, none of that buying into my BS, but instead making me think about and discuss things, especially myself.
If all I had ever gotten was "Good job!", "Thats okay", or "Well I am sure you will do better next time." I would never have stayed sober, I would never have looked inside of me to see ME and what I needed to change about me. In my eyes a whole lot of atta boys would have led me no where.