How do they act?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
How do they act?
So my wife is 3 weeks out of rehab and seems to be doing well with not drinking and attending her AA meetings and counselling.
But I have one question. She is starting to act just like she did when she was drinking. Severe mood swings, (I mean SEVERE), she feels everyone is embarrassed of her, little things in life get her all riled up etc. Does anyone know or has experienced this?
But I have one question. She is starting to act just like she did when she was drinking. Severe mood swings, (I mean SEVERE), she feels everyone is embarrassed of her, little things in life get her all riled up etc. Does anyone know or has experienced this?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 15
Hi sb,
My AH went to Rehab and went to meetings at least 3 nights a week after. He did terrific for 10 months and then the "stinking thinking" started. I could see it happening. The mood swings, change in attitude and behavior. I tried talking to him about it which I have no idea if that was the right thing to do? He chose not to listen, told me I was wrong that he was fine and now we are separated and he is fully drinking again. The first relapse was 11 months after Rehab. He wishes he had listened to me. It's such a sad and crazy disease.
I am new here so I am trying to gather wisdom from others also. For me the logical thing was to point out that his attitude and behavior was reverting back. His Rehab counselor and my AH actually asked me to point out to him when he made slips in behavior, warning signs the counselor called them. Maybe you could try that. My AH chose to ignore me but that doesn't mean your AW will. I do believe in hope it's just seems like very few actually make it. I hope your wife is one of them!!
Kell'
My AH went to Rehab and went to meetings at least 3 nights a week after. He did terrific for 10 months and then the "stinking thinking" started. I could see it happening. The mood swings, change in attitude and behavior. I tried talking to him about it which I have no idea if that was the right thing to do? He chose not to listen, told me I was wrong that he was fine and now we are separated and he is fully drinking again. The first relapse was 11 months after Rehab. He wishes he had listened to me. It's such a sad and crazy disease.
I am new here so I am trying to gather wisdom from others also. For me the logical thing was to point out that his attitude and behavior was reverting back. His Rehab counselor and my AH actually asked me to point out to him when he made slips in behavior, warning signs the counselor called them. Maybe you could try that. My AH chose to ignore me but that doesn't mean your AW will. I do believe in hope it's just seems like very few actually make it. I hope your wife is one of them!!
Kell'
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Yes, I experienced the same with my AH. He did fine for a while, but things went quickly sour. There was nothing I could do or say, he was/is convinced that it was all me - and had nothing to do with him.
As Kell stated, the counselors at the rehab he was in said that we should notice the signs of relapse, but it didn't do me any good.
As Kell stated, the counselors at the rehab he was in said that we should notice the signs of relapse, but it didn't do me any good.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
She may still be reacting to life instead of responding. She didn't arrive at the point of reacting to her life overnight, so don't expect her to learn new skills overnight.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican and I'm a recovering alcoholic as well as a recovering codependent of an alcoholic partner.
What I hope to express is this. My alcoholism was progressive. I chose to react to life by taking a drink and hoping it would disappear. As I continued to try to drown out my problems, I lost any skills I had for responding to life in healthy ways. I began to react to everything by taking a drink.
Parents have cancer, take a drink; can't pay the bills, take a drink; celebrate a wedding, take a drink; sky is blue, take a drink.
When I began my journey of sobriety, I had to learn new methods to cope with problems as well as re-learn some ways to respond to situations. It is a process that takes time and effort. At 3 weeks sober, I was an emotional rollercoaster. I was all over the place! I was feeling feelings I had been keeping submerged for so long. I thought I might go crazy(ier).
Her body is still trying to adjust to functioning without alcohol. I can't even begin to explain what is happening in the brain at this point. It is my understanding that the alcoholic must abstain at least 30 days before the liver can begin to recooperate from the damage alcohol has caused. So if her liver is still waiting to see if this is only a vacation from alcohol, the rest of her body is still trying to see if this is only a temporary pause. Lots of chemical changes happening in her system at this point.
I do not want to make excuses for your wife. I did not accept recovery symptoms from myself as an excuse for poor behavior and I did not accept it from my partner when he began his recovery from alcoholism. Outbursts and extreme behavior are childish and immature.
I had to tell myself to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!
For your sanity and the serenity of your household, you may still need to set boundaries and detach.
Are you attending Alanon or counseling for yourself?
edited to add: the above posters are correct. She may be headed for a relapse. Remember - you did not cause it, you can not control it, and you won't cure it. Take care of YOU!
Hi, I'm known as Pelican and I'm a recovering alcoholic as well as a recovering codependent of an alcoholic partner.
What I hope to express is this. My alcoholism was progressive. I chose to react to life by taking a drink and hoping it would disappear. As I continued to try to drown out my problems, I lost any skills I had for responding to life in healthy ways. I began to react to everything by taking a drink.
Parents have cancer, take a drink; can't pay the bills, take a drink; celebrate a wedding, take a drink; sky is blue, take a drink.
When I began my journey of sobriety, I had to learn new methods to cope with problems as well as re-learn some ways to respond to situations. It is a process that takes time and effort. At 3 weeks sober, I was an emotional rollercoaster. I was all over the place! I was feeling feelings I had been keeping submerged for so long. I thought I might go crazy(ier).
Her body is still trying to adjust to functioning without alcohol. I can't even begin to explain what is happening in the brain at this point. It is my understanding that the alcoholic must abstain at least 30 days before the liver can begin to recooperate from the damage alcohol has caused. So if her liver is still waiting to see if this is only a vacation from alcohol, the rest of her body is still trying to see if this is only a temporary pause. Lots of chemical changes happening in her system at this point.
I do not want to make excuses for your wife. I did not accept recovery symptoms from myself as an excuse for poor behavior and I did not accept it from my partner when he began his recovery from alcoholism. Outbursts and extreme behavior are childish and immature.
I had to tell myself to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!
For your sanity and the serenity of your household, you may still need to set boundaries and detach.
Are you attending Alanon or counseling for yourself?
edited to add: the above posters are correct. She may be headed for a relapse. Remember - you did not cause it, you can not control it, and you won't cure it. Take care of YOU!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
My AH is in his 6th week of residential rehab, and he seems to be bouncing around alot mentally. I see things bothering him which I think are an issue because it has been a long time since he has dealt with the world without using alcholol to dull the impact.
I have a few books I'm reading (in addition to Al Anon reading). Everything Changes is an interesting read. However, I'm so new on the journey that I don't have any personal wisdom.
Good luck, and thanks for sharing.
I have a few books I'm reading (in addition to Al Anon reading). Everything Changes is an interesting read. However, I'm so new on the journey that I don't have any personal wisdom.
Good luck, and thanks for sharing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
I have been going to Al-Anon for quite some time now and I know that with everything going on now I need to trust my higher power. What I do feel good about is the fact that I have learned to detach. Not only have a learned to detach when she is drinking but I have found that detaching continues to work now that she isn't drinking and acting the same.
Living with an alcoholic is a roller coaster but man the moods lately are 10 times worse than when she was drinking. I dont know if she sees that there is life after drinking as is struggling to cope without having her best friend the bottle around anymore. But I do know that these crazy moods have come at the same time that she has been pretty lax in going to meetings.
Living with an alcoholic is a roller coaster but man the moods lately are 10 times worse than when she was drinking. I dont know if she sees that there is life after drinking as is struggling to cope without having her best friend the bottle around anymore. But I do know that these crazy moods have come at the same time that she has been pretty lax in going to meetings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
She is 47 so I have thought about this but as a guy boy it is a subject that is hard to bring up. Now what I need to do is figure out a way to bring that up without getting my head bit off.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by sb0804 
She is 47 so I have thought about this but as a guy boy it is a subject that is hard to bring up. Now what I need to do is figure out a way to bring that up without getting my head bit off.
If I were in the first days post-rehab and possibly dealing with hormone fluctuations I would want to be approached as GENTLY as possible. Quite likely I would NOT WANT TO BE APPROACHED AT ALL. Chances are I might recognize that I was behaving poorly and be feeling bad or ashamed about it. I might not want to talk about it yet if I was still processing my feelings.
I might want very much to know that my partner loved me and was there for me despite the difficult time I was having.
Can you give you wife some space on this and let her process what she is feeling with additional pressure from you? Can you find a way to detach from her mood swings?
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