update from rehab to jail -what's next...
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
update from rehab to jail -what's next...
Dear friends,
I made a point of updating from time to time, i just wished i could give good news instead of from bad to worst.
So Rain came back from ONE YEAR rehab in July, we went on holidays in August (my treat) and had a wonderful time as a united family. It was totally worth it, see his happiness and our daughter's (and mine).
But as soon as we came back to Hong Kong, a week or so after, he relapsed. Not only did he relapse, he got arrested. I guess his addiction is so obvious now that he can't function normaly when he's out which leads to automatic arrest (he got arrested in early 2008 too).
This time he was still on probation from the previous court order so they've sentenced him to 4 to 5 months in jail. He started his sentence 3 weeks ago.
May i remind you our daugther is only 16months+ so he basically was around for 3-4 months since her birth.
Luckily i have learnt to live on my own and not rely on him, yet it hurts because i'm a helpless romantic and i still love him despite all. I warned him that this time i might not be around by the time he leaves jail. I don't know when i will finally have enough but he definitely keeps pushing the button!
He sent me a letter per week and i know how miserable he feels. I am not going to tell you all the "quack quack" he says but it really breaks my heart because i know he really wants out and now he feels there is no way out because he went too deep.
IF i stick around ONE LAST TIME i want us to move out of Hong Kong and start fresh somewhere else. Here there's too many triggers and stress from big city. I know he can use anywhere if he really wants to but it might help a bit. We'll see how i still feel about it in a few months time.
In the meantime, i have my brother visiting; i have planned a trip to Thailand for Christmas and i am being promoted in my job so all is not gloomy. Just love ...
Thanks for listening
Carine
I made a point of updating from time to time, i just wished i could give good news instead of from bad to worst.
So Rain came back from ONE YEAR rehab in July, we went on holidays in August (my treat) and had a wonderful time as a united family. It was totally worth it, see his happiness and our daughter's (and mine).
But as soon as we came back to Hong Kong, a week or so after, he relapsed. Not only did he relapse, he got arrested. I guess his addiction is so obvious now that he can't function normaly when he's out which leads to automatic arrest (he got arrested in early 2008 too).
This time he was still on probation from the previous court order so they've sentenced him to 4 to 5 months in jail. He started his sentence 3 weeks ago.
May i remind you our daugther is only 16months+ so he basically was around for 3-4 months since her birth.
Luckily i have learnt to live on my own and not rely on him, yet it hurts because i'm a helpless romantic and i still love him despite all. I warned him that this time i might not be around by the time he leaves jail. I don't know when i will finally have enough but he definitely keeps pushing the button!
He sent me a letter per week and i know how miserable he feels. I am not going to tell you all the "quack quack" he says but it really breaks my heart because i know he really wants out and now he feels there is no way out because he went too deep.
IF i stick around ONE LAST TIME i want us to move out of Hong Kong and start fresh somewhere else. Here there's too many triggers and stress from big city. I know he can use anywhere if he really wants to but it might help a bit. We'll see how i still feel about it in a few months time.
In the meantime, i have my brother visiting; i have planned a trip to Thailand for Christmas and i am being promoted in my job so all is not gloomy. Just love ...
Thanks for listening
Carine
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hey funkzter, i'm so glad to hear from you, i was thinking about you the other day. sorry to hear about rain but you are a trooper so i know you will be ok. maybe after all of this is done and over, rain may really decide that he's ready to fight to keep his sobriety, i hope so anyway. glad that you did at least have some to enjoy each other. sounds like you had a wonderful time on your vacation and i'm wishing that you and your brother will enjoy yours too.
didn't know you had a new baby so congratulations. you and your family is still in my prayers.
didn't know you had a new baby so congratulations. you and your family is still in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
It's good to hear from you, it's been a while.....thank you for the update. Mia is already 16 months -- wow, time flies! Sounds like you have some good things going on in your own life - apart from Rain, I'm very sorry to hear about that, I hope he finds his way to recovery. Keep taking good care of yourself and your precious little one, so that no matter what happens, you can continue to move forward.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm glad you checked in...I've been wondering how you were. I can't believe Mia is 16 months already..time for a new picture (hint, hint).
I'm sorry about Rain, but I do hope he finds recovery soon. I do thinking moving away from where I was using helped me some. Yes, when I really wanted it, I did find it (and relapsed) but by then I had enough clean time in me that it messed up my high
and the relapse was short. I'm not saying this will happen with Rain, just giving my experience. I still don't go to the town where I used unless I absolutely have to.
Keep taking good care of you and your precious little one.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry about Rain, but I do hope he finds recovery soon. I do thinking moving away from where I was using helped me some. Yes, when I really wanted it, I did find it (and relapsed) but by then I had enough clean time in me that it messed up my high
and the relapse was short. I'm not saying this will happen with Rain, just giving my experience. I still don't go to the town where I used unless I absolutely have to.Keep taking good care of you and your precious little one.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Nice to hear from you. Sorry things are no so great with Rain. Addiction is brutal. One year at rehab and to get sucked back down so quickly... that stinks. Please take care of you and spend some of this additional time apart to focus on your health and well-being. I believe everything happens for a reason... perhaps you needed a bit more time apart to help you think and live your best life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Funkzer,
I'm sorry to hear about the quick relapse. I'm sure it was a crushing blow. It doesn't matter how much recovery we have, it still hurts like heck.
Just a word about moving.
Before leaving my exah, I almost moved. I almost moved to a new city about 1 hour away because I thought (hoped) that a change of scenery would help my exah stay clean. What a mistake it would have been for me. I would have left a job I love. I would have moved away from my support system. And my exah would have found the drugs he wanted. My exah tells me that drug users can search out drugs no matter where they are. If moving is a good idea for you and your daughter, great. If you're doing it in hopes of making things easier for your bf, don't do it. He'll get clean when he wants to. He could do it living next to a drug house if he wanted to. Until he gets to this point, he's not going to stop. Not for you. And (most painfully, I'm sure), not even for your daughter.
Hugs and strength and give your sweet little girls an extra hug today.
I'm sorry to hear about the quick relapse. I'm sure it was a crushing blow. It doesn't matter how much recovery we have, it still hurts like heck.
Just a word about moving.
Before leaving my exah, I almost moved. I almost moved to a new city about 1 hour away because I thought (hoped) that a change of scenery would help my exah stay clean. What a mistake it would have been for me. I would have left a job I love. I would have moved away from my support system. And my exah would have found the drugs he wanted. My exah tells me that drug users can search out drugs no matter where they are. If moving is a good idea for you and your daughter, great. If you're doing it in hopes of making things easier for your bf, don't do it. He'll get clean when he wants to. He could do it living next to a drug house if he wanted to. Until he gets to this point, he's not going to stop. Not for you. And (most painfully, I'm sure), not even for your daughter.
Hugs and strength and give your sweet little girls an extra hug today.
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Thanks my friends for your support & always wise words
And it's good to "see" you lot!
Just to answer you OOAL, i totally agree that moving just in the hope that it will change HIM is not a good idea and i want to reassure you that if i move it's because I had enough of Hong Kong. I have been thinking about moving for a while now, and mostly since having Mia. I'm French and i've been living in HK for 12 years, i feel it's time i move back and be close to my family (and i can tell you how my mum would be happy about it hehe). I got great friends in HK but i also have best friends in France and all my family is there so i know i can get all the support i need.
Now, for Rain that actually might be more challenging cos he doesn't speak French! Yet he stayed in South of France for few months before, and he loved the relax atmosphere and is speaking about "buying a farm" since then, hehe ;P
What i mean is, with or without him, i'm ready for changes and ready for a more chilled life (i love my work but i hardly see my girl during the week)
Thanks for listening (again!)
xox
And it's good to "see" you lot!
Just to answer you OOAL, i totally agree that moving just in the hope that it will change HIM is not a good idea and i want to reassure you that if i move it's because I had enough of Hong Kong. I have been thinking about moving for a while now, and mostly since having Mia. I'm French and i've been living in HK for 12 years, i feel it's time i move back and be close to my family (and i can tell you how my mum would be happy about it hehe). I got great friends in HK but i also have best friends in France and all my family is there so i know i can get all the support i need.
Now, for Rain that actually might be more challenging cos he doesn't speak French! Yet he stayed in South of France for few months before, and he loved the relax atmosphere and is speaking about "buying a farm" since then, hehe ;P
What i mean is, with or without him, i'm ready for changes and ready for a more chilled life (i love my work but i hardly see my girl during the week)
Thanks for listening (again!)
xox
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi sweetie...I'm so sorry about Rain, but I am glad you have some good things going on in your life too. Wow Mia is already 16 months...amazing! If you get a chance, I'd love to see an updated picture of your angel.
I hope you find what works for you...I imagine your mom would be thrilled if you moved back to France! Hugs
I hope you find what works for you...I imagine your mom would be thrilled if you moved back to France! Hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Corine, I keep you and Mia and Rain in my prayers.
I'm sorry he continues his addiction, but you sound stronger and able to take care of yourself and Mia.
She is such a beautiful little girl, and yes, she has grown quickly. Big hugs from her Auntie Ann.
Wishing you beautiful days ahead, whatever you choose.
Hugs
I'm sorry he continues his addiction, but you sound stronger and able to take care of yourself and Mia.
She is such a beautiful little girl, and yes, she has grown quickly. Big hugs from her Auntie Ann.
Wishing you beautiful days ahead, whatever you choose.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Hi Funk!
Great to hear from you even though the news about Rain is tough to here - for him, you and Mia. Dang this thing called addiction. I understand the pull to France...a move for Rain may or may not work but at least you would be close to family and all.
Keep us posted on your next step. I think about you often and know that you are enjoying Mia and being a mom.
Miss you! Donna
Great to hear from you even though the news about Rain is tough to here - for him, you and Mia. Dang this thing called addiction. I understand the pull to France...a move for Rain may or may not work but at least you would be close to family and all.
Keep us posted on your next step. I think about you often and know that you are enjoying Mia and being a mom.
Miss you! Donna
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