Becoming whole
member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Becoming whole Someone whom I respect very much recently used a word to describe me… I’m not into either flattery or self-modesty, but what this lady said today genuinely made me smile; it helped me refocus on what’s really important to me, on so many levels.
On the flip side, I recently had a freakout when I realized that I’m not as honest as I thought I was. I’ve also started noticing other parts of myself that I don't like: reactions, judgments, qualities and attitudes, directed both towards myself and other people.
This is fine, I accept that nobody is perfect, we’re all a work in indefinite progress, as we have strengths and assets, along with flaws/defects. I’m no longer into beating myself up mercilessly, but I do strive for fair balance, in an honest attempt to become more whole.
Thinking about it, imho, one of the likely reasons I hadn’t perceived these issues before is because I was simply unable to see them at the time. Maybe –hopefully- I’ve lowered my head to a point where I can finally start seeing what has been right beneath my own nose all along, in plain sight for everyone but me – or at least some of it.
In an effort to become more conscious, I’ve come up with a list of things that need my attention in order to progress - it’s (very) long and prolly incomplete, but I’m not discouraged, I’m more than willing to work on this. And, more importantly, to take action. For balance, I’ve also taken what I perceive to be my strengths; this second list isn’t anywhere near as long, but I do value it immensely, as it fills me with gratitude. And who knows what else I might discover
Just thought I’d share…and ask for advice, comments and suggestions. So many things are suddenly starting to change. Can anyone relate?
I can feel the Earth move!
On the flip side, I recently had a freakout when I realized that I’m not as honest as I thought I was. I’ve also started noticing other parts of myself that I don't like: reactions, judgments, qualities and attitudes, directed both towards myself and other people.
This is fine, I accept that nobody is perfect, we’re all a work in indefinite progress, as we have strengths and assets, along with flaws/defects. I’m no longer into beating myself up mercilessly, but I do strive for fair balance, in an honest attempt to become more whole.
Thinking about it, imho, one of the likely reasons I hadn’t perceived these issues before is because I was simply unable to see them at the time. Maybe –hopefully- I’ve lowered my head to a point where I can finally start seeing what has been right beneath my own nose all along, in plain sight for everyone but me – or at least some of it.
In an effort to become more conscious, I’ve come up with a list of things that need my attention in order to progress - it’s (very) long and prolly incomplete, but I’m not discouraged, I’m more than willing to work on this. And, more importantly, to take action. For balance, I’ve also taken what I perceive to be my strengths; this second list isn’t anywhere near as long, but I do value it immensely, as it fills me with gratitude. And who knows what else I might discover
Just thought I’d share…and ask for advice, comments and suggestions. So many things are suddenly starting to change. Can anyone relate?
I can feel the Earth move!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
Seriously, though...hun, we're all a work in progress, no matter our age. It's often easier for others to see things in us that we just overlook or don't pay attention to in ourselves. We are our own worst critic (well, except in your case where I think I'm your worst critic). 
You know I love ya!
You know I love ya!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Matt....
I found keeping a journal immensley useful for self examination
It was a good way to note my progress or lack of....
Forward we go..side by side..
I found keeping a journal immensley useful for self examination
It was a good way to note my progress or lack of....
Forward we go..side by side..
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I agree with Carol. I dont journal. But I do refer back to past posts and thgreads of mine here. I reflect on situations in the past where I was uncertain of my intentions. Or times when I was just not right.
I compare that to when I was feeling right and see what the differences are. How my emotions and thinking and behavior may have played into it.
Balance is a wonderful thing.
And being honest with ourselves is a tough thing to do. But it is essential.
I know you are going to be fine.
I also have done sorta the same thing this last attempt at recovery.
I have focused more on trying to work on my attitude and thinking. How I react and perceive everything. And doing it without driving myself crazy.
I have done alot of focusing on how I react to people and situations. More or less thinking before I do anything.
LOL..I need alot of that.
Your going to be ok.
I compare that to when I was feeling right and see what the differences are. How my emotions and thinking and behavior may have played into it.
Balance is a wonderful thing.
And being honest with ourselves is a tough thing to do. But it is essential.
I know you are going to be fine.
I also have done sorta the same thing this last attempt at recovery.
I have focused more on trying to work on my attitude and thinking. How I react and perceive everything. And doing it without driving myself crazy.
I have done alot of focusing on how I react to people and situations. More or less thinking before I do anything.
LOL..I need alot of that.
Your going to be ok.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by mattcake79 
Someone whom I respect very much recently used a word to describe me… I’m not into either flattery or self-modesty, but what this lady said today genuinely made me smile; it helped me refocus on what’s really important to me, on so many levels.
On the flip side, I recently had a freakout when I realized that I’m not as honest as I thought I was. I’ve also started noticing other parts of myself that I don't like: reactions, judgments, qualities and attitudes, directed both towards myself and other people.
This is fine, I accept that nobody is perfect, we’re all a work in indefinite progress, as we have strengths and assets, along with flaws/defects. I’m no longer into beating myself up mercilessly, but I do strive for fair balance, in an honest attempt to become more whole.
Thinking about it, imho, one of the likely reasons I hadn’t perceived these issues before is because I was simply unable to see them at the time. Maybe –hopefully- I’ve lowered my head to a point where I can finally start seeing what has been right beneath my own nose all along, in plain sight for everyone but me – or at least some of it.
In an effort to become more conscious, I’ve come up with a list of things that need my attention in order to progress - it’s (very) long and prolly incomplete, but I’m not discouraged, I’m more than willing to work on this. And, more importantly, to take action. For balance, I’ve also taken what I perceive to be my strengths; this second list isn’t anywhere near as long, but I do value it immensely, as it fills me with gratitude. And who knows what else I might discover
Just thought I’d share…and ask for advice, comments and suggestions. So many things are suddenly starting to change. Can anyone relate?
I can feel the Earth move!
On the flip side, I recently had a freakout when I realized that I’m not as honest as I thought I was. I’ve also started noticing other parts of myself that I don't like: reactions, judgments, qualities and attitudes, directed both towards myself and other people.
This is fine, I accept that nobody is perfect, we’re all a work in indefinite progress, as we have strengths and assets, along with flaws/defects. I’m no longer into beating myself up mercilessly, but I do strive for fair balance, in an honest attempt to become more whole.
Thinking about it, imho, one of the likely reasons I hadn’t perceived these issues before is because I was simply unable to see them at the time. Maybe –hopefully- I’ve lowered my head to a point where I can finally start seeing what has been right beneath my own nose all along, in plain sight for everyone but me – or at least some of it.
In an effort to become more conscious, I’ve come up with a list of things that need my attention in order to progress - it’s (very) long and prolly incomplete, but I’m not discouraged, I’m more than willing to work on this. And, more importantly, to take action. For balance, I’ve also taken what I perceive to be my strengths; this second list isn’t anywhere near as long, but I do value it immensely, as it fills me with gratitude. And who knows what else I might discover
Just thought I’d share…and ask for advice, comments and suggestions. So many things are suddenly starting to change. Can anyone relate?
I can feel the Earth move!
The alcoholic that realizes theres plenty to do once we become abstinant.
that clarity and self honesty will set you free....imo.
it was that clarity and self honesty that gave my the ability to become someone that i feel happy with at last.
like you i had some moments of clarity and saw what a twisted perception i had of myself and others.....that perception kept me full of fear..resentment and regret...booze became the answer to deal with it.
thankyou for your insight and honesty........god be with you today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I don't journal either but so much of me is here
But I don't need to revisit old posts to know I've changed - the core of me is still recognisable to me, but almost everything I added to it in the 'wilderness years' is gone, or going, or being recycled as, I hope, something useful.
LOL I'm not done yet by a long shot, but I definitely feel more in touch, more useful, more...whole - it's a great feeling
D
But I don't need to revisit old posts to know I've changed - the core of me is still recognisable to me, but almost everything I added to it in the 'wilderness years' is gone, or going, or being recycled as, I hope, something useful.
LOL I'm not done yet by a long shot, but I definitely feel more in touch, more useful, more...whole - it's a great feeling
D
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Matt that is a great post!
I can relate, the steps in AA, especially steps 4-7 led me to where I am at today, I have learned a great deal about myself, especially in steps 4 and with the help of my sponsor in step 5 I learned things about myself, I learned both the good and the bad about me. I work on a daily basis to become a better Martin.
Now here is the interesting part, the more I learn about me, the more I change, the more I learn, as I change, my eyes see things about me that they did not see before. They see new areas where I need to improve, but they also see good things about me as well.
I have heard that recovery is like peeling an onion, there are many layers of that onion and we can not see or work on the next layer until the present one has been peeled away.
Overall I have changed for the better, but I see other areas I need to improve upon. In AA we strive for spiritual progress, not perfection, I do see progress in myself, but I also am well aware I will never be perfect, I just need to continue to strive for progress. This is why I work at applying the steps daily to all areas of my life.
Matt keep up the change, keep striving for progress.
So many things are suddenly starting to change. Can anyone relate?
Now here is the interesting part, the more I learn about me, the more I change, the more I learn, as I change, my eyes see things about me that they did not see before. They see new areas where I need to improve, but they also see good things about me as well.
I have heard that recovery is like peeling an onion, there are many layers of that onion and we can not see or work on the next layer until the present one has been peeled away.
Overall I have changed for the better, but I see other areas I need to improve upon. In AA we strive for spiritual progress, not perfection, I do see progress in myself, but I also am well aware I will never be perfect, I just need to continue to strive for progress. This is why I work at applying the steps daily to all areas of my life.
Matt keep up the change, keep striving for progress.
member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Wow, thanks for the comments and insights
Carol, I've kept a journal for many years, it would be a good idea to read them more often though (it's a tiring task, LOL, as I always ramble endlessly).
I love the onion analogy, Taz. I've noticed a pattern: my process is not linear, it tends to be cyclical, with many paradoxes. Maybe the main one is "everything changes, but nothing is ever truly lost".
Dee, like you, I believe that our cores are pretty permanent; the ways in which they are expressed is what's variable.
Making a conscious effort to cultivate spirituality is changing my perception; I've noticed that so many of my defects seem to be rooted in fear... I'm guessing that the antidote is having faith in that, like T. said, it'll be all right.
Thanks so much, my friends.
Carol, I've kept a journal for many years, it would be a good idea to read them more often though (it's a tiring task, LOL, as I always ramble endlessly).
I love the onion analogy, Taz. I've noticed a pattern: my process is not linear, it tends to be cyclical, with many paradoxes. Maybe the main one is "everything changes, but nothing is ever truly lost".
Dee, like you, I believe that our cores are pretty permanent; the ways in which they are expressed is what's variable.
Making a conscious effort to cultivate spirituality is changing my perception; I've noticed that so many of my defects seem to be rooted in fear... I'm guessing that the antidote is having faith in that, like T. said, it'll be all right.
Thanks so much, my friends. Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Matt, this is a great thread.
Your comment about fear resonates with me very much. When I began to recover, I realized that all the decisions in my life, big and small, had been made out of fear. I was living in the darkness. The thing is, I wasn't ready at that point to live in the light. Things do happen when they are meant to happen and I have been amazed how my journey continues. Marianne Williamson's book "A Return to Love" has helped me a lot. She believes that either you live in fear (in the dark) or you live in love (in the light). And, that's why I am dancing in the light.
Your comment about fear resonates with me very much. When I began to recover, I realized that all the decisions in my life, big and small, had been made out of fear. I was living in the darkness. The thing is, I wasn't ready at that point to live in the light. Things do happen when they are meant to happen and I have been amazed how my journey continues. Marianne Williamson's book "A Return to Love" has helped me a lot. She believes that either you live in fear (in the dark) or you live in love (in the light). And, that's why I am dancing in the light.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Matt...,
I read HERE somewhere, where someone said, "Fear is worrying about an untruth" ...or something like that. I wish I knew who wrote that, it sure helped me, 2 let go of it.
I'm learning about 'letting go and letting God,' I give it all 2 him, but I don't just leave it 2 him, I keep the faith. (To believe that he will do this, without question. If I offended anyone, truely sorry, I just believe; I respect everyone, U don't need 2 earn that respect, it is always given.)
Sorry if I mini hijacked here..:sorry
Stay strong.
I read HERE somewhere, where someone said, "Fear is worrying about an untruth" ...or something like that. I wish I knew who wrote that, it sure helped me, 2 let go of it.
I'm learning about 'letting go and letting God,' I give it all 2 him, but I don't just leave it 2 him, I keep the faith. (To believe that he will do this, without question. If I offended anyone, truely sorry, I just believe; I respect everyone, U don't need 2 earn that respect, it is always given.)
Sorry if I mini hijacked here..:sorry
Stay strong.
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