bluebella

have a few questions- about crack... what i dont quite understand is-
when they are 'active' users- does that mean all the time? as in daily? what is defined by active user? when there is mention of relapse.. that means they were not using....and now they basically fallen off the wagon? and back to using.....

i know in the past my x-was referenced by others as saying ' he is much better now' well thats rediculous... this is a good thing? !!!!!frig he was a user all along... i guess if someone is still standing on two feet and maintaining a coversation with you- he is alot better now! !!!!!!!!!!

i guess what i want to know from people on this board is -when is it defined as 'becoming bad' versus he is 'not doing as much drugs- or is better?'

thank you

teke

imo, doing better means following some form of recovery plan. just stopping the use does not equal recovery. stopping the use plus working on character defects, learning to live life on lifes term without mind altering substances does and that takes time.

active for me meant using when i could without an active plan of recovery. relapse for me was just a slip then right back to recovery. slip +slip + slip = active.

the only way i could cut back was when i was broke, had no crack and no way of getting any. when the opportunity permitted, i was again off to the races. along with that and the depressing crash, i found myself quitting on my own alot, again when opportunity permitted, i was off the races again. don't know if this answers any part of your question but this was my esp.

bluebella

teke, thank you -yes very helpful... what about using.. now when it was 'bad' did you use every day- for months or weeks at a time then break?
the drug itself.. only gives you minutes of the 'euphoric' feeling..so i dont understand how an addict would be high all day? or for weeks/months...

hello-kitty

I'm a recovering crack addict. I think I can explain a little from experience and because I know a lot of crack addicts as well. We are all the same. We were all the same. Just in various stages of addiction.

Crack addiction is progressive. That means it progressively gets worse. Until an addict stops using and that is forever, his/her addiction will get progressively worse until eventaully it will take over their entire waking life. They will either be using, thinking of using, or sleeping off the last binge until they can start the cycle over again.

What is so horrible about crack addiction is that you can abstain from it for a little while. It's not like heroin where the withdrawals make you sick. Crack withdrawals just make you crazy. But the crazy feelings make you want to use again. So you trick yourself into thinking you are not addicted. You tell yourself you just use it for fun, or to relax. But once you use again, you pretty much use "until the wheels fall off" or you run out of money or ways to get dope or in jail or dead or in recovery.

There is no such thing as a little crack. (That made me giggle.) It's all or nothing.

If you use crack, even if it's only every payday, you are active in your addiction. You are active until you quit using forever. And then the hard part of recovery begins.

teke

amen to what kitty has said, i'm a recovering crack addict too. its a hard life.

kristyk1

I feel like I am experiencing this same thing with my brother. He lived with my husband and I while he was going through rehab. He had a relapse so we had to ask him to leave (we now believe he wasn't really clean for the last few months, just hiding it very well).

My mom called yesterday and said she saw him and he looks so good, like he's gaining weight, his eyes are clear, he looks really healthy. He is flat broke right now, so probably isn't buying drugs at the moment. Well, she's pretty convinced he's BETTER. So him having no job, not supporting his children, not paying his bills, etc... is BETTER and worth being excited about.

Before he left, I asked him if this is the life he really wanted - to be high all the time. He said, "I just want to figure out a way to take care of my responsibilities and be able to unwind the way I want (which is getting high)." However, getting high always wins out and overcomes everything else.

I just don't believe that using crack or coke or crushing painkillers and snorting them can be done recreationally for a drug addict. It seems like the slope is steeper and it's much easier to slip than for a person who doesn't struggle with addiction.

And I disagree with my mom that my brother is better. I think he's waiting until he has some money coming in so he can go back to using.

Sorry - this turned into my own little vent. I hope it all made sense.

Kristy

teke

i used whenever i could.(period) its not like something i could just say no to. actions speak louder than words, remember. my mouth would quit but my body did what it want to and that was to keep using. if i had money, a way to get it, i used.

how can an addict stay high all day? by lieing, stealing, manipulating, sometimes even begging, throwing tantrums, whatever it took. not much shame in that game for an addict on a mission.

smacked

Ditto to Kitty's info.

If I were to use crack again, I would be active in my addiction. Period.

(the 'little' crack made me giggle too).

bluebella

sooooooooooo helpful and sooo mind boggling...... but did you guys use daily?if you had the means to get it? but i thought it lasts only for minutes the 'high'
so how the heck? yu would have to sit there for days and weeks smoking it?
ya i know.. i have no clue about this stuff.. other than -you know my sob story -my crack addict left me - vanished! probably shacking up with someone else who is 'more fun' ! grrrrrr i am trying to educate myself on all of this...............

cinderellawkids

This is my husband when active, but a little different. He'd sometimes come home with say $20 still (Usually not part of cash he left with but cash he got somehow while or after using.) I know at times he'd do errands for dealers and by teh time he returned be sober enough to not want crack and be angry, then he'd get $10 or 20 bucks and come home...thinking it would erase the whole night.
He wouldnt use the next day or two, he'd sleep, eat, appear like a normal human being and after a few days (3, 5 sometimes 10) decide to have a drink again and then BANG he was off and going anywhere from 5 hours to 48 hours. No matter the time between I considered it active use unless he changed his usual way of doing things and became productive and talked recovery.

Because of his always days between he never looked like a stereotypical addict, stayed looking in physically good shape and weight and to most onlookers appeared like a normal functioning person-He was still an active crack addict.

cinderellawkids

Generally thats not the case, but rather being with someone more in support of their "mistakes".

hello-kitty

I held down a full time job and used each weekend. The weekends usually started on Thursday night and ended at about 5 am in the morning on Monday. Sometimes not til Tuesday or Wednesday. But usually I tried to lay low those days. I wasn't like "those" people. I just used recreationally. (HA!)

My ex used 24/7. And so did most of my friends.

Yep. It's disgusting. It's creepy. Trust me when I say that I want nothing to do with the people or the lifestyle ever again. You get really caught up and you can't get out.

teke

if i could have used all day every day, i think i would have. its that euphoric feel that i was chasing and chasing is what it was. yeah, just like an addict can disappear, so does time to an addict. only thing that mattered was getting that next high. i have occasionally passed out(fell asleep) but i have actually stayed wake for days. usually when all is gone and depression sets in, thats when reality hits and then i would start trying to figure out what kind of tale i was gonna make up as being the reason why i disappeared.

though i didn't do much disappearing, thought i'd add my exp. to my ah's actions. he disappeared for days often,

cinderellawkids

This is the question I have for all of you recovering addicts. Is this really true? My husband always said that and yes would be in the I cant speak right phase for a few minutes, but even if went say an hour and a half between hits still looked and acted really high and wouldnt rebegin drinking heavily until atleast 2 hours later and then after a few shots would uise again. So arent you high more than a few minutes?

hello-kitty

The high lasts a short time but and then cravings set in. Just cuz you aren't high, doesn't mean you are in your right mind. The psychosis can go on for hours.

cinderellawkids

The psychosis that must be what I was seeing... Thanks for explaining that

teke

i don't know cindi, are you sure he went hrs before the next hit? are you sure he didn't sneak a hit or two when you were not looking? for me, yes, the feeling only lasted for what seem like a few seconds, then on to the next and yeah, i did do a lot of sneaking when i was around someone who i was not suppose to be using around. i think that is part of the reason for the disappearing acts, they can't use in peace like they want to.

bluebella

all of you here that have won the battle against this demon -wow- admirable, and i wish my x would have done the same...........

posting to you here today- is so inciteful- i so wish i found this site before he hurt me so terrible.. communicating with you guys that have used..what could be more useful for folks like myself- who just have so many questions- and uncertainties about the drugs and what it does......

so the days he seemed so normal.. the guy i loved! - the personality that was so caring -this was the day or two when he wasnt using?

he would get very moody-at times? i would guess this is craving mode- wanting more?

after binges- he would eat tons and sleep - this is when he was sooo remorseful....................

constantly trembly/jittery/nervous/sweaty

would get up at least 5-7 times a night- go for a smoke.....

tons of coughing- he was a smoker but not smoker cough

alwayssssssssss had a soar throat- the last two months he had it was chronic and very soar... he could barely talk.....

so many wierd things! i can say as much as i miss him i dont miss all of this drama and never knowing when he would disappear! or lie or cheat....

cinderellawkids

Yes Teke Im sure. Mainly because he'd be out and done, but would start drinking again and then take off ...for obvious reasons.

Also, for an example, he'd shoplift and trade the stuff for his dope. Theyd hang out wherever, usually empty buildings and use. Start drinking again and then go back in the middle of the night to steal more. Sometimes in the middle of being gone he'd try to show up looking for the remainder of his bottle. (he drank during the depression phase). Also, you could always tell when he'd just taken a hit.

I was just curious

teke

sounds like crack addiction to me, bluebelle. sorry you had to find out the hard way about it