6
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 19
6
I should have written hours ago. Instead, I did what I do best, and isolated.
I don't know why but I woke up tired and crabby today. Day 6, and last nite was the first nite I did not sleep well. Nothing happened to make crabby. In fact, if anything, today should have been extra great. My boyfriend was really supportive, and in good spirits which i really appreciated. We worked out together, and shortly after that, he saw that i was having a hard time today. Which is when he suggested I come on here, and try to let out what is bugging me.
After he left for work, I tried to pinpoint what was eating at me.
It probably sounds dumb and purely alcoholic, but i was actually angry that i am an alcoholic. I went through the why me bs. Why can't i drink socially? How did it get to this? All of this crap. I have no idea how to make those thoughts go away, but I hope that they will lessen with time. I don't want to walk around angry about something I have no control over.
I still didn't call anyone, or come on here. I walked the dog and tried to forget about it, and realised then, I was feeling scared and lonely.
I went to an open meeting tonite and listened to the speaker. I liked what he had to say, especially about resentments. This was my first meeting, as the list I had for last nite was incorrect. I was terrified walking in. And, I left shortly after. Hopefully this shyness will get easier too, and I will have the courage to just walk up to someone and say hello. After, I went up to the church, and in the dark, I cried. (only for a minute, although I wanted to at the meeting).
I am feeling better now, just still confused. I am hoping I will wake up tomorrow on day 7 with a positive attitude like I have had all week.
Another thing the speaker said " Make Gratitude your attitude" I really like that.
Thank you for reading. Have a good nite.
I don't know why but I woke up tired and crabby today. Day 6, and last nite was the first nite I did not sleep well. Nothing happened to make crabby. In fact, if anything, today should have been extra great. My boyfriend was really supportive, and in good spirits which i really appreciated. We worked out together, and shortly after that, he saw that i was having a hard time today. Which is when he suggested I come on here, and try to let out what is bugging me.
After he left for work, I tried to pinpoint what was eating at me.
It probably sounds dumb and purely alcoholic, but i was actually angry that i am an alcoholic. I went through the why me bs. Why can't i drink socially? How did it get to this? All of this crap. I have no idea how to make those thoughts go away, but I hope that they will lessen with time. I don't want to walk around angry about something I have no control over.
I still didn't call anyone, or come on here. I walked the dog and tried to forget about it, and realised then, I was feeling scared and lonely.
I went to an open meeting tonite and listened to the speaker. I liked what he had to say, especially about resentments. This was my first meeting, as the list I had for last nite was incorrect. I was terrified walking in. And, I left shortly after. Hopefully this shyness will get easier too, and I will have the courage to just walk up to someone and say hello. After, I went up to the church, and in the dark, I cried. (only for a minute, although I wanted to at the meeting).
I am feeling better now, just still confused. I am hoping I will wake up tomorrow on day 7 with a positive attitude like I have had all week.
Another thing the speaker said " Make Gratitude your attitude" I really like that.
Thank you for reading. Have a good nite.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: On my way
Posts: 173
hello..
sorry you are having such a bad one...
I just went to my first meeting on Monday...I was also terrified...I actually have driven to a few in the past and sat in the parking lot, never going in. But my experience was a good one, and I have been going back daily since. feeling crappy is normal, just have to deal with it until it lifts. I am too new at this myself to give advice, but i can support and listen. hope you are doing better....i am only on day 4---after almost 4 years of trying to quit, on my own. I finally gave in and went to a meeting. I met so many people who are happy!!! Happy with themselves and happy with thier lives. I want that too. AA has worked for so many, don't know why I haven't given it a try earlier?? good luck--keep posting
sorry you are having such a bad one...
I just went to my first meeting on Monday...I was also terrified...I actually have driven to a few in the past and sat in the parking lot, never going in. But my experience was a good one, and I have been going back daily since. feeling crappy is normal, just have to deal with it until it lifts. I am too new at this myself to give advice, but i can support and listen. hope you are doing better....i am only on day 4---after almost 4 years of trying to quit, on my own. I finally gave in and went to a meeting. I met so many people who are happy!!! Happy with themselves and happy with thier lives. I want that too. AA has worked for so many, don't know why I haven't given it a try earlier?? good luck--keep posting
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Thanks for posting this, I can definitely relate. It sucks being an alcoholic and watching others have a normal relationship with alcohol that you will never have. I fight against it all the time, but the best thing is to just accept that it can never be you, you can't be like other people with alcohol. I hate it, but it's the truth.
It sounds like you are doing everything right. Congrats on almost a week!
It sounds like you are doing everything right. Congrats on almost a week!
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
I was angry for quite a while about being an alcoholic. I remember one of the first meetings I went to some woman said she was grateful that she was an alcoholic and I was so pissed! I still think it was stupid, lol.
Maybe try a womens meeting next. Those feel much safer most of the time
Keep comin back!
Maybe try a womens meeting next. Those feel much safer most of the time
Keep comin back!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
It's a bitter pill to swallow, for sure....and I resented it for a long time, but other good things came my way, my life changed - I changed - and I genuinely find myself glad for everything now.
(sorry about that TTOSBT lol)
It may not help you much now LOL but you are doing the right thing
D
(sorry about that TTOSBT lol)
It may not help you much now LOL but you are doing the right thing
D
Last edited by Dee74; 09-10-2009 at 09:27 PM.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 542
Dear OneLifeOnly, ((((((Hugs)))))))
MY gosh you are very intune with yourself OneLife and perceptive about what emotions you are feeling. That is AWESOME! Just being able to identify with your feelings is really helpful in kind of knowing how to deal with yourself. It's so Great! That you went to a meeting. Believe me...I was scared to death at my first meeting and boy did I cry! That was a powerful message to leave with..."Make Gratitude your Attitude"! How wonderful is that?! You will probably never forget that phrase as I know at my first meeting the people who spoke directly to me really impacted me and I have so not forgotten the things they said.
You will experience many "new feelings" OneLife in the days, weeks and months to come. I am now just over 8 Months Sober and still there are many new feelings and situations to learn to deal with Sober instead of clinging to that horrid Bottle. Ugggh to booze I say! I can assure you though...that each passing day you will become a little stronger and more able to accept the feelings and emotions that you experience as time goes by. Sobriety RULES!!!! Keep up the great work!
Love Pancake xo :praying
MY gosh you are very intune with yourself OneLife and perceptive about what emotions you are feeling. That is AWESOME! Just being able to identify with your feelings is really helpful in kind of knowing how to deal with yourself. It's so Great! That you went to a meeting. Believe me...I was scared to death at my first meeting and boy did I cry! That was a powerful message to leave with..."Make Gratitude your Attitude"! How wonderful is that?! You will probably never forget that phrase as I know at my first meeting the people who spoke directly to me really impacted me and I have so not forgotten the things they said.
You will experience many "new feelings" OneLife in the days, weeks and months to come. I am now just over 8 Months Sober and still there are many new feelings and situations to learn to deal with Sober instead of clinging to that horrid Bottle. Ugggh to booze I say! I can assure you though...that each passing day you will become a little stronger and more able to accept the feelings and emotions that you experience as time goes by. Sobriety RULES!!!! Keep up the great work!
Love Pancake xo :praying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 19
Thank you Jade. I really did just want to keep driving by. Or stay in the car. People there did seem really happy. Colagirl, thanks for the congrats and the words of relation. Dee, I hope that I will feel the way you do, as time passes. I hope that I feel the way a majority of the people here feel. TTOSBT, there is a womens meeting tomorrow. I am going to try it out. The hardest thing for me at the meeting yesterday was basically walking into a room filled with men. It is very intimidating for me. And Pancake, congrats on the 8 months. Thank you all for your encouragement.
People there did seem really happy. Colagirl, thanks for the congrats and the words of relation. Dee, I hope that I will feel the way you do, as time passes. I hope that I feel the way a majority of the people here feel. TTOSBT, there is a womens meeting tomorrow. I am going to try it out. The hardest thing for me at the meeting yesterday was basically walking into a room filled with men. It is very intimidating for me. And Pancake, congrats on the 8 months. Thank you all for your encouragement.
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