Sick and Tired of it all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Southeastern, MA
Posts: 6
Sick and Tired of it all
Hi all,
This is my first post, but I am not new to this.
My Crack AH and I have been together for 14 yrs.
He was not using for the first two years. I had no idea he ever used but found out later he had only "quit" when we met.
Anyway, I obviously can't get into every discretion so I will save those experiences for later posts.
We just moved into this apartment from a smaller apartment (and less expensive). He had been doing better for a while and was "fooled" again.
Not even two weeks after we moved into this apt he started taking off with my vehicle again and staying out all night. I was actually surprised that he would do this knowing I cannot afford this apartment without his income as well.
How gullible am I? I was duped again!!! My bad...my own fault for believing and trusting him again.
Last weekend I had him removed by the police. He had come home at 6am on a Saturday morning drunk out if his mind. I asked him to just go to bed and sleep it off.
He woke up an hour later like a madman. He was saying any mean and spiteful things that he could to hurt me. Then he went into the kitchen and started throwing things. First it was forks into the drop ceiling then he started "throwing knives" into the floor tiles. Once he picked up the knife I called 911. I didn't tell them about the knives I just wanted him removed from the house.
The next day he called me, blaming me (what else is new?). He said he was coming to pick up his clothes and that's what he did.
Now I am stuck in an apartment I can't afford and he is staying at a dealers house. Gotta love that.....I bet he runs home from work now! (when he does work).
I don't know why I'm posting this message. I guess I just needed to vent as a lot of us do.
I look forward to getting to know you all. Were all in the same boat and we all need life preservers!
This is my first post, but I am not new to this.
My Crack AH and I have been together for 14 yrs.
He was not using for the first two years. I had no idea he ever used but found out later he had only "quit" when we met.
Anyway, I obviously can't get into every discretion so I will save those experiences for later posts.
We just moved into this apartment from a smaller apartment (and less expensive). He had been doing better for a while and was "fooled" again.
Not even two weeks after we moved into this apt he started taking off with my vehicle again and staying out all night. I was actually surprised that he would do this knowing I cannot afford this apartment without his income as well.
How gullible am I? I was duped again!!! My bad...my own fault for believing and trusting him again.
Last weekend I had him removed by the police. He had come home at 6am on a Saturday morning drunk out if his mind. I asked him to just go to bed and sleep it off.
He woke up an hour later like a madman. He was saying any mean and spiteful things that he could to hurt me. Then he went into the kitchen and started throwing things. First it was forks into the drop ceiling then he started "throwing knives" into the floor tiles. Once he picked up the knife I called 911. I didn't tell them about the knives I just wanted him removed from the house.
The next day he called me, blaming me (what else is new?). He said he was coming to pick up his clothes and that's what he did.
Now I am stuck in an apartment I can't afford and he is staying at a dealers house. Gotta love that.....I bet he runs home from work now! (when he does work).
I don't know why I'm posting this message. I guess I just needed to vent as a lot of us do.
I look forward to getting to know you all. Were all in the same boat and we all need life preservers!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome! Glad you found us but so sorry for the reasons. There are many spouses and those with partners who are addicted here who can relate to what you have posted. They'll be along soon...It's a bit quiet on a holiday weekend, but things will pick up.
In the meantime, read the "stickies" at the top of the forum page and take a read around. I found also attending face to face naranon meetings gave me added live support and truly helped me to make the changes in me that got me to a better place. Hugs
In the meantime, read the "stickies" at the top of the forum page and take a read around. I found also attending face to face naranon meetings gave me added live support and truly helped me to make the changes in me that got me to a better place. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 39
Kabella,
I feel your pain
. I am totally with you. I hope you get strong and realize he doesn't care about himself and couldn't possibly care about anyone else's feelings or futures. I hope you realize that if you just make a little checklist of things (even if they seem too hard to do now) and start doing the things you need to move on, like getting out of your lease, or getting a roommate to help with rent etc. Definetely read everything about co-dependency and also know that I have an addict husband who I am divorcing and I thought if I divorced him it would surely show him how bad he needed to stop using, exact opposite he is worse than ever!!!! So I am with you in the confusion and the betrayal. I have been spending the last four months getting things organized and taking control of my happiness. I still fall off the wagon and worry about him but I have to stop myself. I am here as is everyone else and you will LOVE the support you find here. 
I feel your pain
. I am totally with you. I hope you get strong and realize he doesn't care about himself and couldn't possibly care about anyone else's feelings or futures. I hope you realize that if you just make a little checklist of things (even if they seem too hard to do now) and start doing the things you need to move on, like getting out of your lease, or getting a roommate to help with rent etc. Definetely read everything about co-dependency and also know that I have an addict husband who I am divorcing and I thought if I divorced him it would surely show him how bad he needed to stop using, exact opposite he is worse than ever!!!! So I am with you in the confusion and the betrayal. I have been spending the last four months getting things organized and taking control of my happiness. I still fall off the wagon and worry about him but I have to stop myself. I am here as is everyone else and you will LOVE the support you find here. grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome, you've come to a great place. lots of wisdom, exp, caring going on here. glad you found us but sorry about your circumstances. i agree, try to get out of your lease or look for a good roommate.
i had the same kind of experience with my ah. i had no job and 7 kids to care for when my ah walked out. i imediately moved to a cheaper place and by the grace of god, one day at a time, things worked out. this kind of addictive behavior has been like a never ending story for me, on again, off again for 21 yrs. i've been separated now for 2ys and finally life makes some kind of sense to me.
i know its hard but you will get through all of this. it will only get worse unless he seeks help for himself. lies, broken promises, stealing, the works all are the nature of addiction. loved ones tend to need help too, alanon support groups help a lot. keep reading and posting, we are all here to help each other. again welcome
i had the same kind of experience with my ah. i had no job and 7 kids to care for when my ah walked out. i imediately moved to a cheaper place and by the grace of god, one day at a time, things worked out. this kind of addictive behavior has been like a never ending story for me, on again, off again for 21 yrs. i've been separated now for 2ys and finally life makes some kind of sense to me.
i know its hard but you will get through all of this. it will only get worse unless he seeks help for himself. lies, broken promises, stealing, the works all are the nature of addiction. loved ones tend to need help too, alanon support groups help a lot. keep reading and posting, we are all here to help each other. again welcome
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: on top of the hill
Posts: 197
Hi Kabella,
I'm so glad you found this site, there are wonderful people here. You don't live far from me, I'm also a New Englander.
My ah left after 33 years of marraige, I know something was horribly wrong, but did not find out til later that he is a crack addict. Believe me, I know your pain, and as others will tell you, all you can do is save yourself.
It sure isn't easy, I struggle every day, but I'm not as strong as a lot of the people here.
Just wanted to welcome you, hope your life will get much easier.
I'm so glad you found this site, there are wonderful people here. You don't live far from me, I'm also a New Englander.
My ah left after 33 years of marraige, I know something was horribly wrong, but did not find out til later that he is a crack addict. Believe me, I know your pain, and as others will tell you, all you can do is save yourself.
It sure isn't easy, I struggle every day, but I'm not as strong as a lot of the people here.
Just wanted to welcome you, hope your life will get much easier.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Hi Kabella... welcome to SR. I know your pain and sympathize with you...
I had my AH of 20 yrs. removed by police when he was acting crazy. I got the blame
also... he also moved in with the dealer (1/2 mile down road from my house)... it wasn't
long til he had a girlfriend living there too. He would call every few weeks to check in on me and the kids to see how we were doing... he didn't know I knew about the GF... once I asked him about it he stopped calling.. haven't heard from him in over 3 months now.
He'll be out of the house a year the end of this month. He hasn't seen the kids (we have 3 teenagers) since he left. Says everyone hates him. (Playing the pity game when not playing the blame game.) I never thought he would abandon the kids like
he did. But addiction is progressive, and he's only gotten worse over the years.
Keep reading and posting. You will get stronger as you learn more about addiction
and how to put the focus back on you and your happiness. (We sort of lose that
when dealing with an active addict.)
(((HUGS)))
I had my AH of 20 yrs. removed by police when he was acting crazy. I got the blame
also... he also moved in with the dealer (1/2 mile down road from my house)... it wasn't
long til he had a girlfriend living there too. He would call every few weeks to check in on me and the kids to see how we were doing... he didn't know I knew about the GF... once I asked him about it he stopped calling.. haven't heard from him in over 3 months now.
He'll be out of the house a year the end of this month. He hasn't seen the kids (we have 3 teenagers) since he left. Says everyone hates him. (Playing the pity game when not playing the blame game.) I never thought he would abandon the kids like
he did. But addiction is progressive, and he's only gotten worse over the years.
Keep reading and posting. You will get stronger as you learn more about addiction
and how to put the focus back on you and your happiness. (We sort of lose that
when dealing with an active addict.)
(((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Welcome. You did a great thing by protecting yourself. Taking the step to come here is also a good move. It's about you. Take care of you. Sounds basic, but with addiction it is all too easy to forget about ourselves as we attempt to hold "it" all together.
My AH moved out about 18 months ago. It has been an agonizing 18 months, but it is also the best decision that I ever made... if that makes any sense. Be gentle with yourself. That is good advice I have received from many kind people on this site. It took a whole lot of years to get where you are and unfortunately, it doesn't get "better" over night.
Welcome and keep coming back.
My AH moved out about 18 months ago. It has been an agonizing 18 months, but it is also the best decision that I ever made... if that makes any sense. Be gentle with yourself. That is good advice I have received from many kind people on this site. It took a whole lot of years to get where you are and unfortunately, it doesn't get "better" over night.
Welcome and keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi Kabella. People who use crack pretty much go crazy. They can be very dangerous. I don't want to go into all the details but consider yourself lucky that he hasn't stolen all your stuff and turned psychotic on you (even MORE psychotic then he already is). Crack addiction is progressive and the behavior follows a distinctive pattern.
You are very lucky he is gone.
The first thing I suggest is change the locks. And if you can't afford the place you are living then I suggest finding another place, and breaking the lease.
Sometimes, we just have to do the best we can do. Sometimes, there is no perfect answer. But we can rebuild our lives and we can learn from our past. If we don't. We are doomed to repeat it.
Keep reading and posting here. You'll find lots of good support.
And hide your valuables if he still has a key... a crack addict would sell his mother to get more crack if he felt desparate enough. A crack can leave you feeling really really desparate.
You are very lucky he is gone.
The first thing I suggest is change the locks. And if you can't afford the place you are living then I suggest finding another place, and breaking the lease.
Sometimes, we just have to do the best we can do. Sometimes, there is no perfect answer. But we can rebuild our lives and we can learn from our past. If we don't. We are doomed to repeat it.
Keep reading and posting here. You'll find lots of good support.
And hide your valuables if he still has a key... a crack addict would sell his mother to get more crack if he felt desparate enough. A crack can leave you feeling really really desparate.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Hello K and welcome to the support here.
I agree with hello-kitty about the psychosis. I am very worried about your physical safety. At his level of addiction, a psychotic break ( a break with reality, into full-blown insanity) is very possible, and God knows what he might do to you.
If you find yourself unable to be emotionally strong enough to get away from him and stop all contact, please call a domestic violence shelter for some free counseling and advice.
Please be safe. Whoever he was when you married, that man is simply not here anymore.
Bluejay
I agree with hello-kitty about the psychosis. I am very worried about your physical safety. At his level of addiction, a psychotic break ( a break with reality, into full-blown insanity) is very possible, and God knows what he might do to you.
If you find yourself unable to be emotionally strong enough to get away from him and stop all contact, please call a domestic violence shelter for some free counseling and advice.
Please be safe. Whoever he was when you married, that man is simply not here anymore.
Bluejay
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
Originally Posted by Kabella 
How gullible am I? I was duped again!!! My bad...my own fault for believing and trusting him again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Southeastern, MA
Posts: 6
Thank you all for your thoughts and concerns.
Why is it when someone speaks badly of him I feel so strongly to protect him?
A family member was over last night and began to "diss" him and my heart was breaking, I had a huge urge to "stick up for him" and now I am an emotional mess.
I asked my family member not to do that because it only makes me feel bad for him so he stopped but it left me feeling sad and soft.
Does that make sense to anyone?
There is a Nar-Anon meeting not to far from me tonight. I will try to go.
At times I feel so strong, at others I feel like I'm going to crumble.
Thanks for listening!
Kabella
Why is it when someone speaks badly of him I feel so strongly to protect him?
A family member was over last night and began to "diss" him and my heart was breaking, I had a huge urge to "stick up for him" and now I am an emotional mess.
I asked my family member not to do that because it only makes me feel bad for him so he stopped but it left me feeling sad and soft.
Does that make sense to anyone?
There is a Nar-Anon meeting not to far from me tonight. I will try to go.
At times I feel so strong, at others I feel like I'm going to crumble.
Thanks for listening!
Kabella
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