gcman01

Hello,

Not sure if this is the correct place to post for help with calling my sponsor when I feel I am starting to slip. I just have not been able to call him, I guess I am just not used to talking to someone when I am in the middle of an issue. I go to a 12 step meeting once a week and of course I talk to my sponsor about my steps. I just need to learn how to make better use of my support when my emotions are getting to me.

Any suggestions on ideas as to when to call my sponsor and any ideas on overcoming reluctance to call? Anybody else have this issue? I have thought about putting up post it notes to remind me to call.

I just completed step 3, I am working on Step 4 and I know I will be needing more support as I do Step 4.

I have been going to a 12 step support group for over four years and I have known my sponsor this entire time. I feel much more trusting of him now, but I would like some ideas on how be able to ask for outside support better.

Thanks for your suggestions.

ElegantlyWasted

Just work on it. Do what you can. Try. Posting here is a good thing instead, but if you are working the AA program and like and trust your sponsor, do you best to communicate to him/her what you have just posted. Just do whatever you can not to pick up. You will get a lot of great support here. A real live person (sponsor) has been invaluable for many people in recovery. Try not to fall into a major avoidance pattern. I know when I do... there is a 99.999999 percent chance I will drink. I am just setting myself for an excuse to drink because I really like the way it makes me feel. Best of luck and keep posting.

tommyk

Do a quick review of steps 1, 2, and 3 again.

I'm not sure what you refer to with 'starting to slip'...?

But if you are thinking about drinking/using, it is a conscious, knowing, and willing CHOICE.... not an accident or a 'slip'.

Don't let your disease convince you not to call your sponsor.

When a sponsee has a difficult time with calling I suggest he call everyday at a certain time, just to get used to doing it.

Keep coming back, keep being totally honest.

Dee74

We're a funny lot aren't we? we never had a problem going to any lengths to get wasted, but turn the tables around and...

I'm not downplaying your problem...but sometimes you just gotta use the Nike method gcman - just do it...people are there to help...they want to help...let them

D

gcman01

Ok, thanks. I like the idea of calling at a certain time everyday to get used to doing it.

Rowan

Hi and welcome to our recovery forum.

If you don't talk to your sponsor other than to do your steps, and you only go to 1 meeting a week, it makes sense that you might have a difficult time picking up the phone. What about sitting down together over coffee and let him/her get to know you a little better? When I was new, I found it very difficult to call my then-sponsor, and thought it was best to only call when I felt I 'needed' them.

It takes what it takes, though, and I finally got comfortable picking up the phone and calling. I was pretty isolated by the end of my drinking and I found it hard to connect with most people, never mind a stranger who was going to be my sponsor!

I am very close with my sponsor today, and with girls who I work with myself. Connecting with one another helps to build trust.

So, yes, pick up the phone and connect. Share what you shared here; chances are, they will be able to identify with your experience.

Good to have you here - keep posting!

Anna

Lots of good advice here to do whatever it takes to stay sober.

gravity

I don't think this can be stressed enough. The Big Book states over & over how important it is to help other alcoholics.

When I call my sponsor for help & after I thank him, he always thanks me for helping him stay sober. He really means it.

So look at it that way...you are truly helping each other.

vegibean

totally agree with tommy........

AND

right?

I call my sponsor everyday. I've had two sponsors since getting sober and staying sober. My first sponsor was and still is awesome!!! She really was good at telling me just flat out what I needed to do and one of them was to call everyday!!

My second sponsor, when she told me "you don't have to call every day", I told her "no can do, if I don't call you everyday then it's ok not to call at all, I really have to be accountable for myself."

I have had my moments when I've been texting friends and I'll get to my sponsor's name on my phone and think "I don't want to tell her........." and you know what??? That's when I ABSOLUTELY make sure that I share it with her.

If you can say that you genuinely like your sponsor, no matter what is going on you should be able to call. My guess is that it is ALL you. Your sponsor wants you to call I'm sure. It's a sponsor's job to be on the other end for you.

Something to throw at you that maybe you can tell yourself when you start feeling hesitant to call.............GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY!!!!

And as Dee74 said.....and Nike too......JUST DO IT!!!!

joedris

Vegibean has the solution - call your sponsor every day. If you only talk to him when you're having a bad day or at a meeting, then you're wasting a valuable commodity. One thing we never did well as alcoholics is communicate with others and our inability to establish relationships was the price we paid. Here you have the golden opportunity to work on this problem, so take advantage of it. Call your sponsor every day, if for no other reason than to just say hello. It may tough at first, but as everyone has said - just do it. Hey, you stopped drinking. A little phone call pales in comparison to that.

Paul993

I had that very experience yesterday. While I do not have a sponsor yet, I have a best friend who has 13+ sober years in AA and I can talk to. I told her that I had not called her a few times when I really wanted to in the last week because I know she has so much going on in her own life - her reply was that my calls help HER as much as they help me.

By the way - "Hi" I guess this is my first post, I just found this site last night. I'll post some kind of introduction soon, just wanted to reply here - do whatever it takes to get you comfortable making the call. It's different for everybody. (OK, now I'll try to take my own advice and get working on gettting a sponsor....it's tough for me to ask for help)

best wishes !

gcman01

Everyone, thanks for your replies and ideas, I find this all very helpful.

Unfortunately my GF has had enough with my addiction and told me last night she is ending our over 4 year relationship. Very sad. :sorry I know all I can do is to work on myself and hopefully she can see the positive progress I am making for myself, not our relationship.

I was out of town with her yesterday and we went hiking, training for upcoming Grand Canyon trips. I called my sponsor today after I mowed the yard this morning. We talked at length, I am going to a meeting tonight with other folks in our Tuesday meeting, it is fathered by god meeting, I figured I need all the support I can get right now, and I don't need to be home by myself feeling sorry for myself.

tommyk

Welcome to the first moment of the rest of your life.

Firehazard

Wow, That's rough. Thanks for not drinking over that one and reaching out.

I don't completely trust my sponsor even though I know he is trustworthy.

But I trust him more than I did at first. I guess for me trust has been more

earned than blindly given.