Step Study ~ Step Two
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Step Study ~ Step Two
If you are just joining in, this is an online Step Study for Friends and Families of Alcoholics. Each of the 12 steps will have its own thread, so you can participate at whatever level you are comfortable.
Most of the information here comes from the books Paths To Recovery, Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts ©1997and How Al Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics ©1995, along with some readings from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon II ©1992.
Here is the link to the discussion of Step One if you want to start there:
Step 1: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-one.html
==
The basic spiritual principle introduced in Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than we are that provides hope for sanity, whether we are living with active alcoholism or not. Step Two reaffirms that we may be powerless, but we are NOT helpless, and we are not alone. For many of us, the introduction of a Power greater than ourselves is difficult to understand. Some initially believe we are speaking of a religious entity. We are not. We are speaking of a loving, caring, nurturing Power that provides us with guidance in dealing with the effects of the disease of alcoholism.
…. Acceptance of Step Two is paramount to working the rest of the Al Anon steps. Tripping over Step Two and skipping to other Steps indicates a lack of acceptance of Step One. Many members have difficulty beginning to work this Step for their personal recovery……. The wisdom of members who have worked these steps before us is essential to understanding fully the spiritual answers and guidance we are about to experience. Trusting our group and trusting a sponsor are only stepping stones to accepting a Power greater than ourselves.
… Some of us reject religion of any kind and call ourselves either agnostics or atheists. It is important to hear that, whether we practice a particular religion or not, all of us are welcome in Al-Anon. Yet, when we approach Step Two, we may suspect that a group ideology will be revealed, and we will be forced to conform or leave. Instead the group’s members turn us toward defining our own idea of a Higher Power and we come to believe that such a Power could exist and might help us.
In beginning to understand Step Two, we learn that we have choices…. If we struggle with the concept of a Higher Power in any way, we can begin by acting “as if”. By reflecting on more serene or peaceful times in our lives, we begin to appreciate today. The slogan “One Day at a Time” takes on a new meaning as we commit ourselves to reading a page each day in our (daily readers).
… Sanity can be defined in many ways. Many share that they no longer purchase alcohol for the alcoholic. Other speaks of removing themselves from tumultuous situations. Some share of defusing arguments by merely stating, “You might be right.” Taking a bubble bath or going skiing for a day can offer new perspectives on the situation. Gradually and gratefully we develop a faith in a Higher Power. We begin to recognize that the old behavior, if it returns, doesn’t have to return for the same duration.
~~ From Paths to Recovery. Al Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts. 1997
Most of the information here comes from the books Paths To Recovery, Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts ©1997and How Al Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics ©1995, along with some readings from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon II ©1992.
Here is the link to the discussion of Step One if you want to start there:
Step 1: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-one.html
==
Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The basic spiritual principle introduced in Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than we are that provides hope for sanity, whether we are living with active alcoholism or not. Step Two reaffirms that we may be powerless, but we are NOT helpless, and we are not alone. For many of us, the introduction of a Power greater than ourselves is difficult to understand. Some initially believe we are speaking of a religious entity. We are not. We are speaking of a loving, caring, nurturing Power that provides us with guidance in dealing with the effects of the disease of alcoholism.
…. Acceptance of Step Two is paramount to working the rest of the Al Anon steps. Tripping over Step Two and skipping to other Steps indicates a lack of acceptance of Step One. Many members have difficulty beginning to work this Step for their personal recovery……. The wisdom of members who have worked these steps before us is essential to understanding fully the spiritual answers and guidance we are about to experience. Trusting our group and trusting a sponsor are only stepping stones to accepting a Power greater than ourselves.
… Some of us reject religion of any kind and call ourselves either agnostics or atheists. It is important to hear that, whether we practice a particular religion or not, all of us are welcome in Al-Anon. Yet, when we approach Step Two, we may suspect that a group ideology will be revealed, and we will be forced to conform or leave. Instead the group’s members turn us toward defining our own idea of a Higher Power and we come to believe that such a Power could exist and might help us.
In beginning to understand Step Two, we learn that we have choices…. If we struggle with the concept of a Higher Power in any way, we can begin by acting “as if”. By reflecting on more serene or peaceful times in our lives, we begin to appreciate today. The slogan “One Day at a Time” takes on a new meaning as we commit ourselves to reading a page each day in our (daily readers).
… Sanity can be defined in many ways. Many share that they no longer purchase alcohol for the alcoholic. Other speaks of removing themselves from tumultuous situations. Some share of defusing arguments by merely stating, “You might be right.” Taking a bubble bath or going skiing for a day can offer new perspectives on the situation. Gradually and gratefully we develop a faith in a Higher Power. We begin to recognize that the old behavior, if it returns, doesn’t have to return for the same duration.
~~ From Paths to Recovery. Al Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts. 1997
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From How Al Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics p 47.
The alcoholic cannot heal our wounds; neither can our will-power, quick wittedness, or perseverance. Turning to these sources again and again is no more useful – or sane – than going to a car lot to buy groceries. Having continually failed to resolve our difficulties ourselves, most of us finally realize we must look for help in a more promising place. What we seek is something greater, beyond our own abilities, a source of help, comfort, guidance, and strength unrestricted by our human limitations. Our need for such assistance has become obvious, but so many of our needs have gone unsatisfied in the past that we hardly dare to hope that we might find the help we need. In the process of taking Step Two, we open our hearts and minds to the possibility that such a power could actually exist in our lives.
Here are the discussion questions for Step Two, from Paths to Recovery
What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?
Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?
What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?
What does faith mean to me?
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
What does “came to believe” mean to me?
What does sanity mean to me?
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
The alcoholic cannot heal our wounds; neither can our will-power, quick wittedness, or perseverance. Turning to these sources again and again is no more useful – or sane – than going to a car lot to buy groceries. Having continually failed to resolve our difficulties ourselves, most of us finally realize we must look for help in a more promising place. What we seek is something greater, beyond our own abilities, a source of help, comfort, guidance, and strength unrestricted by our human limitations. Our need for such assistance has become obvious, but so many of our needs have gone unsatisfied in the past that we hardly dare to hope that we might find the help we need. In the process of taking Step Two, we open our hearts and minds to the possibility that such a power could actually exist in our lives.
Here are the discussion questions for Step Two, from Paths to Recovery
What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?
Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?
What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?
What does faith mean to me?
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
What does “came to believe” mean to me?
What does sanity mean to me?
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
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Early in recovery, I was a mess. I was scared, angry, confused. My Al Anon friends were very supportive and helped me to keep the focus on myself and not the A in my life.
When I was at my lowest, I was angry at God. My religious upbringing - as I remembered it - did not allow for me to have angry feelings towards God. I felt abandoned and alone. I figured I had made my choices and would have to live with my own ugly consequences.
I learned that many many people get hung up on this step, with the whole concept of God as we understood him. My sponsor taught me an important lesson: she told me I could fire the God of my childhood and hire a new one! She had me make a list of people whom I admired. Then she had me list the specific things about them that I admired - honesty, compassion, unconditional love, sense of humor etc. She told me I had just described the God of my understanding!
For me, it's important to understand the difference between spirituality and religion. I used to go to church every week, often more than once a week. was searching... searching for answers. I enjoy the music, the ceremonial nature, etc. But it wasn't until I started working my own program of recovery that I was able to develop a loving relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God.
Step Two is very important to my recovery. First I came, then I came to, and then I came to believe.
When I was at my lowest, I was angry at God. My religious upbringing - as I remembered it - did not allow for me to have angry feelings towards God. I felt abandoned and alone. I figured I had made my choices and would have to live with my own ugly consequences.
I learned that many many people get hung up on this step, with the whole concept of God as we understood him. My sponsor taught me an important lesson: she told me I could fire the God of my childhood and hire a new one! She had me make a list of people whom I admired. Then she had me list the specific things about them that I admired - honesty, compassion, unconditional love, sense of humor etc. She told me I had just described the God of my understanding!
For me, it's important to understand the difference between spirituality and religion. I used to go to church every week, often more than once a week. was searching... searching for answers. I enjoy the music, the ceremonial nature, etc. But it wasn't until I started working my own program of recovery that I was able to develop a loving relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God.
Step Two is very important to my recovery. First I came, then I came to, and then I came to believe.
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Another thing I learned about myself is that I had made my A my Higher Power! I believed what he said, I did what he told me to do. I trusted him. Unfortunately, I was putting my trust in an untrustworthy person. He neither earned nor deserved my trust. There were days when he insisted the sky was green, and he worked on me until I agreed with him. He was so charismatic, so charming and so convincing. I doubted myself and believed him.
Once I broke away from the emotional and mental choke hold he had on me, I was able to look at things thru fresh eyes. I developed my own understanding of a Higher Power, and it wasn't my A. We struggled with that for awhile, as he had grown fond of and comfortable having that power over me. I had looked to an unhealthy person for validation. I needed him to tell me I was ok, that I was worthy. I needed his guidance, his comfort when I was sad, etc. I was very insecure, and so was he! I learned that he wasn't capable of giving me what I needed because he didn't love himself; and also I learned that I needed to give MYSELF those things!
Truth be told, my A was very unhappy to lose his position of Higher Power in my life. It was a turning point in our relationship.
Once I broke away from the emotional and mental choke hold he had on me, I was able to look at things thru fresh eyes. I developed my own understanding of a Higher Power, and it wasn't my A. We struggled with that for awhile, as he had grown fond of and comfortable having that power over me. I had looked to an unhealthy person for validation. I needed him to tell me I was ok, that I was worthy. I needed his guidance, his comfort when I was sad, etc. I was very insecure, and so was he! I learned that he wasn't capable of giving me what I needed because he didn't love himself; and also I learned that I needed to give MYSELF those things!
Truth be told, my A was very unhappy to lose his position of Higher Power in my life. It was a turning point in our relationship.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Everything is very new to me. I've just started al-anon - my 3rd meeting is today.
I would have never guessed I'd have any problem at all with this step but when I really think about it and try to feel it - I've lost this piece of my life. I do not feel it. I don't even have an answer for half those questions.
I could never have imagined myself getting so lost in this life, so totally changing without even realizing it. Sometimes it still feels like it must be a dream, that I could not be so far in denial, or so unaware, or whatever you call it, for so long. Long enough to just lose myself entirely.
I would have never guessed I'd have any problem at all with this step but when I really think about it and try to feel it - I've lost this piece of my life. I do not feel it. I don't even have an answer for half those questions.
I could never have imagined myself getting so lost in this life, so totally changing without even realizing it. Sometimes it still feels like it must be a dream, that I could not be so far in denial, or so unaware, or whatever you call it, for so long. Long enough to just lose myself entirely.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
I figured I had made my choices and would have to live with my own ugly consequences.
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How did becoming aware and comfortable with your higher power help you past this feeling CatsPajamas?
(I need to add that this is NOT what my religion actually teaches, but for some reason it got twisted around in my head and that's what I came away with...)
So, taking that rule and fear based-system into a dysfunctional relationship just firmed up my belief that I was being punished. I had made mistakes and wasn't following the "rules" so I was going to live my own personal H*ll on earth.
What really helped me was being able to talk about it with recovery friends whom I trusted. They told me about their higher powers, and I could see how different their lives were from mine. Even though many still lived with active alcoholism, they had serenity and even happiness. I wanted what they had, and I was willing to work for it.
Once I was able to "fire" that god of my childhood and start working with a new higher power, I saw some remarkable changes in my life. I was able to see cause and effect in my own life, consequences that came from some bad choices. I also learned that I could forgive myself, let go of the past and move forward in the loving care of a higher power who always wants the very best for me.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: littleton, Colorado
Posts: 146
CatsPajamas thanks for starting this thread-I need to join in here...
I am and remain to be a strong Christian and I now I realize what everyone means in Al-anon when they say a "power" higher than we could understand. I feel the belief or faith I have in my life is finally working together with my higher "power", but only because I have gotten out of the way.
I had the same experience with handing over my power to my RAH and he reveled in it like cat with catnip. As I stood on the sidelines wondering what and how this person that claims he loves me could continue doing this stuff to me (victimhood??) it is only VERY recently that I realize he is doing it-because I allow it.
I have stepped away now...walked out of the conversation when it goes ugly...taken my number out of the equation and refuse to engage with this person that I shouldn't be relying on for my happiness, because no one but me-is responsible for this.
Yes, my higher power is with me every day; every minute. Can't live without it and I won't let go of it.
I am and remain to be a strong Christian and I now I realize what everyone means in Al-anon when they say a "power" higher than we could understand. I feel the belief or faith I have in my life is finally working together with my higher "power", but only because I have gotten out of the way.
I had the same experience with handing over my power to my RAH and he reveled in it like cat with catnip. As I stood on the sidelines wondering what and how this person that claims he loves me could continue doing this stuff to me (victimhood??) it is only VERY recently that I realize he is doing it-because I allow it.
I have stepped away now...walked out of the conversation when it goes ugly...taken my number out of the equation and refuse to engage with this person that I shouldn't be relying on for my happiness, because no one but me-is responsible for this.
Yes, my higher power is with me every day; every minute. Can't live without it and I won't let go of it.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
I'm an atheist, so this is where I stumbled around a bit...
I don't really have a HP as such, it changes regularly. But I am willing to let go and just let things be. To take a step back and try and see a broader perspective - try doing things in a different way. To realise that I'm not a higher power - I'm no god/godess - though sometimes I took my HP as my better self. That I can look around me and listen to those I respect and those who have similar experiences and they can collectively be my HP. That 'fate' can also be a HP in disguise. Even my cat has been my HP at one point!! I don't think the definition of HP really matters to me, its the idea of letting go the illusion that I can control those around me. The idea that all the stress and worry about something outwith my control can just be handed off. The ability to let others be. I 'forget' sometimes but not for long. Deep breathing helps me let go!
This is my personal take on step 2. I'd be interested in what you all think and in hearing about your HP too!
I don't really have a HP as such, it changes regularly. But I am willing to let go and just let things be. To take a step back and try and see a broader perspective - try doing things in a different way. To realise that I'm not a higher power - I'm no god/godess - though sometimes I took my HP as my better self. That I can look around me and listen to those I respect and those who have similar experiences and they can collectively be my HP. That 'fate' can also be a HP in disguise. Even my cat has been my HP at one point!! I don't think the definition of HP really matters to me, its the idea of letting go the illusion that I can control those around me. The idea that all the stress and worry about something outwith my control can just be handed off. The ability to let others be. I 'forget' sometimes but not for long. Deep breathing helps me let go!
This is my personal take on step 2. I'd be interested in what you all think and in hearing about your HP too!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I struggled with this concept too when I first went to AlAnon. I was in my twenties and very busy rejecting/questioning my Roman Catholic upbringing. I was at a meeting one night and the issue of struggling with the concept of a higher power came up and this one woman told a long and funny story about her rejecting AlAnon for years because of this concept etc...but her husband's alcoholism had just brought her to the edge of insanity so she had given AlAnon another try and had just made a choice to call her cat her HP! I even remember the name of her cat, "Mr. Snuggles!" which was hilarious.
Now this woman had been back in AlAnon for quite a while and she was pretty amazing, full of all the joy and serenity that I was craving so bad after giving it all up to the alkies in my life. And it wasn't until she told us this story that I realized, B., you can get hung up on this concept and make it part of your own "issue with religion/concept of God" endless internal debate -- and in so doing you can let your recovery just stop right here, and you can say "AlAnon doesn't work, too religious!" when in fact this woman, who isn't religious at all, who doesn't even believe in a God or any gods, is showing you so clearly how to embrace and work the concept in your own personal way.
And so I decided the Universe is my HP. And I give things up to the Universe. And by believing the Universe could restore me to sanity (and by doing the steps and working the AlAnon program) I have been restored to sanity.
It works if you work it!
B
Now this woman had been back in AlAnon for quite a while and she was pretty amazing, full of all the joy and serenity that I was craving so bad after giving it all up to the alkies in my life. And it wasn't until she told us this story that I realized, B., you can get hung up on this concept and make it part of your own "issue with religion/concept of God" endless internal debate -- and in so doing you can let your recovery just stop right here, and you can say "AlAnon doesn't work, too religious!" when in fact this woman, who isn't religious at all, who doesn't even believe in a God or any gods, is showing you so clearly how to embrace and work the concept in your own personal way.
And so I decided the Universe is my HP. And I give things up to the Universe. And by believing the Universe could restore me to sanity (and by doing the steps and working the AlAnon program) I have been restored to sanity.
It works if you work it!
B
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
I've often heard of others struggles "with the god of their childhood", organized religion, etc. I figure I'm lucky.....I didn't believe in God at all when my troubles with alcoholism began, no conflicting beliefs.
By the time I got to Alanon, a series of miracles had already begun to appear in my life. The first thing I asked HP/God/Universe for was, (mind you, I didn't believe yet) to please take away my desire to drink. I stopped that day, but the "desire" part took 3 days to disappear. Not too shabby, 3 days to rid a guy of a 40 year drinking habit.
After that experience, I've asked for many things, 3 years and many, many miracles later, you bet I believe. My HP always has my best interest in mind, and I KNOW He/She/It loves me like I love my child. And this is from a guy who NEVER believed and NEVER felt worthy of love his whole life.
My HP also has a weird sense of humor. I was hacking my way thru my millionth pack of cigs (another 40 year habit) when it occurred to me that if I couldn't quit on my own, I should probably just ask HP for some help. After all, quiting drinking was easy.
The next morning I had a lung infection, out of nowhere, that almost put me in the hospital. I literally had to chose, smoke or breathe, I couldn't do both. Well, that was a no-brainer. I just had to laugh. Thanks HP, been smoke free 10 months now and getting stronger and younger every day!
I don't have time or space to relate ALL my miracles, but trust me, my HP ALWAYS takes excellent care of LMC and I. I don't always get everything I WANT, but I always get exactly what I NEED.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
By the time I got to Alanon, a series of miracles had already begun to appear in my life. The first thing I asked HP/God/Universe for was, (mind you, I didn't believe yet) to please take away my desire to drink. I stopped that day, but the "desire" part took 3 days to disappear. Not too shabby, 3 days to rid a guy of a 40 year drinking habit.
After that experience, I've asked for many things, 3 years and many, many miracles later, you bet I believe. My HP always has my best interest in mind, and I KNOW He/She/It loves me like I love my child. And this is from a guy who NEVER believed and NEVER felt worthy of love his whole life.
My HP also has a weird sense of humor. I was hacking my way thru my millionth pack of cigs (another 40 year habit) when it occurred to me that if I couldn't quit on my own, I should probably just ask HP for some help. After all, quiting drinking was easy.
The next morning I had a lung infection, out of nowhere, that almost put me in the hospital. I literally had to chose, smoke or breathe, I couldn't do both. Well, that was a no-brainer. I just had to laugh. Thanks HP, been smoke free 10 months now and getting stronger and younger every day!
I don't have time or space to relate ALL my miracles, but trust me, my HP ALWAYS takes excellent care of LMC and I. I don't always get everything I WANT, but I always get exactly what I NEED.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
For me, Step 2 was so very, very hard. And in many ways it still is.
The God of my childhood abandoned me, as far as I was concerned. It left me in a horrible situation, abused, neglected, sexually assaulted, and spiritually and psychologically battered.
And this was the "higher power" that was going to restore me to sanity? The one who let me get the stuffing beat out of me? The one who led me to relationships where I faced suffering even worse than my childhood?
Yeah, right.
Like Cats, I had to rewrite that higher power before I could come to believe that anything good could come of it. I won't bore you with the details of just what that HP turned out to be, but for the first time it was real, and true, and I now trust it 100% to show me the way back to joy when I am lost, and never ever give me more than I am able to handle.
I still have bad days when I leave my trust sitting out in the rain and can't find it. But I always find my way back.
It restored me to sanity, and so much more.
The God of my childhood abandoned me, as far as I was concerned. It left me in a horrible situation, abused, neglected, sexually assaulted, and spiritually and psychologically battered.
And this was the "higher power" that was going to restore me to sanity? The one who let me get the stuffing beat out of me? The one who led me to relationships where I faced suffering even worse than my childhood?
Yeah, right.
Like Cats, I had to rewrite that higher power before I could come to believe that anything good could come of it. I won't bore you with the details of just what that HP turned out to be, but for the first time it was real, and true, and I now trust it 100% to show me the way back to joy when I am lost, and never ever give me more than I am able to handle.
I still have bad days when I leave my trust sitting out in the rain and can't find it. But I always find my way back.
It restored me to sanity, and so much more.
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