brandonlee81

Besides worrying if I'm determined enough, I guess this is my biggest concern walking into recovery. For those who've made it a while:


How did your friends, especially those who were disappointed to hear, react to your decision to quit drinking?

Was it necessary to your sobriety to stop hanging around them? Did THEY STOP hanging around you?

How did they treat you differently? Condescension? Anger? Pity? Respect? Admiration? What else?





I am making it very clear to people--I started tonight--that I can't go out and drink anymore and don't want to be around it. I wonder how others are going to react.

Dee74

Hi BL

Welcome to SR

most of my drinking buddies vanished like vampires hit by sunlight when I mentioned the 'alcoholic' word.

There was one persistent guy - he really mourned the loss of a 24/7 on call drinking buddy - it took a while for him to give up....but he did. He wanted me to stay the same, and I couldn't.

Some of these guys I went back a long way with - some of them are really cool guys...but their lives revolve around alcohol, and without placing a judgement call on that - I can't do that.

But I learned most of these guys, good or not so good, were my drinking buddies.

I had friends, real friends, who I'd neglected cos I drank so much, for so long....so I got back in touch with them...and I made new friends here.

It all turned out ok

I hope you find the support you need here to help that determination, Brandonlee

D

Zencat

I had to change up my whole act when it came around to my 'ole drinking friends and buds'. I did stick around those that could abstain wile I was hanging around them. That would be the people I could really call my friends. As for the rest...I had to cut them lose. But making new non-drinking friends was cool and a good learning experience. I like being around those that respect my choices and life style. Its so much better that way. Cant please then all and still keep my sobriety in good order at the same time...at least for me....for now.

sailorjohn

WELCOME

The people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind.

Most of the folks I used to drink with are still at least a little disappointed that I don't drink with them anymore.

And I limit my exposure to those occasions where these folks are just sitting around getting hammered, I really have no business being there.

Someone once told me I couldn't drink, I corrected then and told them simply that I don't drink. I can drink, if I choose to.

brandonlee81

The friend I told tonight, without saying it, basically intoned ... "Yeah we'll see how long this lasts...easier said than done...yadda yadda..." although said it was cool if that's my decision. Thank you for your feedback and your support.

barb dwyer

Losing my job, my friends and my reputation is what got me here.

Now, three years (on Sunday) later,
when they see me
most are genuinely happy for me to have committed to recovery.
SOME look at me like typhoid mary ...
like recovery is a disease they might catch.

Hopefully they will catch it.

New friends new playgrounds
is a phrase you hear in the rooms a lot.

penny74

Some people just don't want to see you anymore when you stop drinking.
Maybe it reminds them what they should be doing but can't.


"Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world." -- Tennyson

seehseef

I'm 12 days sober now (see the "Ready to stop for good" thread in the newcomers forum). I told my wife over dinner a few nights ago that I was done drinking and that I knew that I was an alcoholic. One of the first things she said was, "But going out was fun - won't that be kind of awkward for us when we go places as a couple and you don't drink?" I told her that the good news was that she's always have a safe ride home. She could tell I was serious and it really changed her reaction positively.

Wolfchild

As far as drinking and using buddies, i had to change my playmates if i hope to have any type of chance in staying clean. Just like i had to change my playthings and my playgrounds as well!

i have come to believe that God can sort out who i should encounter in my day and how to continue (or develope) a relationship with them better than i can. This has become very apparent and necessary in my local fellowship. As addicts and alcoholics, people are extremely skilled at camoflage and deception. When i was early in my recovery, i wanted to believe the best in everyone because i was desperate and needed help. As i continued to stay clean, i started to see how they were really living and God kinda just moved them along (or moved me along!) and those relationships. i found out later that i was letting go and letting God even before i realized it!!

i hope you will find those people who have faith in you and want to help you in your recovery. You've already found some of those people here at SR. Keep the faith and keep on keeping on!!

yeahgr8

I got a message through a friend that an old drinking buddy gave me his number to catch up...my friend knew that i would not be really interested so didn't even pass the number on but has asked if i want it. My drinking buddy was ok but what the hell would i have in common with him now lol...nothing...it was only the drinking and going out that we had in common, it wasn't like i lived with the guy for a year?!

Tazman53

I was a social drinker for many years, but alcoholism is a progressive disease, one reason early on that I drank was it allowed me to be far more comfortable in social situations, over the years that changed as my disease progressed, people withdrew from me and I withdrew from them as I got further along in my drinking. People that loved me withdrew from me because they did not enjoy being around a drunk, I withdrew from fellow drinkers because most of them did not drink like I did and I withdrew from people who did drink like I did because they were drunks and I did not like to see myself in them.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it took me from being a very social person to being a virtual recluse.

smacked

I have no reason to keep contact with my drinking buddies, they weren't friends. They had no interest in me after I quit drinking. I don't have any desire to keep toxic people in my life. My real friends support my sobriety/recovery and couldn't care less if I drink or not. Most of them are very happy that I'm taking better care of myself now, as friends should be.

tommyk

You are about to find out who your 'friends' are.

Don't be shocked.

I realized the true meaning of friends as opposed to drinking buddies.

brandonlee81

I know I'll have some of both. "like a disease they might catch" < funny

brandonlee81

Lots of my good friends and I grew up together, and had common interests, and hung out without drinking when we were in early high school, and before. Then everyone started drinking and now our relationships are dependent on using. Its sad.

brandonlee81

Maybe not in the most extreme, but I can see these same effects in myself. Have you gained any of that person back?

brandonlee81

I have very few friends I hang out with that don't drink. Its a frightening prospect. In the past few months I have felt like I was losing my mind; tormenting myself and losing sleep over this destructive force. I have to believe regardless of how those friends see me, or how our relationships are affected...I have to do this for my peace of mind.

Thanks again to everyone for your input.

mattman

I realize this is an old thread, but I used search for "old drinking buddies" and it pulled this up. DO NOT underestimate the power of old drinking buddies to derail your sobriety.

I was sober for over a YEAR, going out to my old bars and clubs SOBER, conquering fear and doing great, but then I got around old drinking buddies and got pulled off the wagon, a couple times. Then I made an extremely foolish decision and let one move in with me as a roommate and fell off 10+ times over the next year. And every single time was just completely devastating and heartbreaking to me. ...it was then I realized I was an alcoholic, not just some guy "not drinking anymore." I couldn't even quit when I wanted to!

What I had to do was LEAVE. I left California and all my old drinking buddies, and moved to CT where my family lives. I'm planning on moving to Miami in 6 months or so. I have 5 months sober now - since resetting the clock.

Make no mistake about it I did not want to leave california, my home for 14 years. I hate cold weather! And I fought moving for a long time, but I realized it was the right thing to do to get away from my old life and make a clean break.

This is just my opinion, but I don't think the issue is people who drink, or places that serve alcohol (if I did think that I wouldn't be moving to Miami). If you try to get away from alcohol and anyone who drinks you're going to have a VERY LIMITED social circle. 9 out of 10 Americans drink. Alcohol is involved in almost every social function. That's just the world we live in.

For me that wasn't the problem. It's not people who drink, it's people I used to drink WITH. Because they knew "drunk-Matt" they don't know sober matt. I have new friends now who drink, and I have no problem hanging out with them, even if they are drinking. Because they NEVER, ever, ever pressure me to drink because they never knew me as someone who drank. Your old friends will have a hell of a time accepting the new you.

Absolutely! Especially if you've reached the point where you are able to cut loose and for lack of a better analogy ACT like a drunk when you're sober. If you can find the guts to talk to the cute girl, get on the dancefloor, etc... and do it all without a drop of booze?? They can't deal with that because I think deep down even if they aren't consciously aware of it, they are thinking "How come I HAVE TO get drunk to do those things, how come I can't have fun without it like my friend?" That's why they pressure you to drink, that's where it comes from. It's really jealousy.