UrbanSI

Long story short, my brother that is 31 is still living at home.
He has had extreme problems with alcohol and drugs(pills, LSD) in the past.
He currently is without a job, living with my parents.
In the past he has had trouble holding a job and he goes through spells of highs and lows, mostly lows.

Its really hard on our family, my mom has a large heart and doesnt have the courage to confront him over and over so pretty much slowly he has has been given a pass on his behavior. Its been about 7 years now of him living at home, living in the dark and watching sports in the basement. But its not just that, his moods are questionable, he reminds me a an angry old man that is critical on everyone and everything. Simply put he is an *******. He respects no one, has been known to get very out of hand in social situations and overall is not mentally healthy IMHO.

My parents are financially stable so they really dont have a problem with him living at home. Its really a sad thing to know that people in my family are slowly letting him waste his life away. His friends have given up on him aside from one friend. He has skin problems from his diet and does not go outside aside to open the door for our dog.

He has been to a doctor in the past and went on medication for depression but he doesnt stay on the madication, and with him sneaking alcohol all the time his mental stability is questionable.

My other brother and i have been trying to push my mother to organize an intervention, but i honetly think he would go crazy and try and hurt someone if something like this happened.

There is a lot more to our story, like many others. Im just looking for help in taking the first, and correct steps to help my brother.

Thanks

tjp613

There is really only one solution for your family: Join Al-Anon and work on your own recovery. Perhaps during that process your parents will see that they are exactly one-half of the problem. Maybe after you do some reading here you could print out some posts for them, or guide them to this site. If they're not even willing to set up an intervention, they are in pretty serious denial.

You can't really help your brother in any other way, unfortunately.

For starters, maybe you'd like to read and print this one: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2308950

Serenity Bound

If possible I would guide your parents to this sight. I would also check out the Naranon/Alanon meetings in your area. These are things you can do for you.

The unfortunate thing is that you can't help your brother.

You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.

however you can contribute to it. (i.e. enabling)

chairmanma084

i have a brother that is totally self-sufficient (financially & medically) who drinks at least 12 beers a day, is constantly depressed. he recently lost his license and really has no social life outside of myself and when my mother visits.

as a family, we've talked to him about this dozens of times, even as a group. nothing has helped. he will drink no matter what.

with all that out, IMHO it takes a tragedy to really change someone's behavior, a MAJOR disruption that causes that person's thinking patters to really change. for me it was losing my home, my fiance, and the trust and respect of everyone i know.

who knows what it'll take for your brother. just pray for him if you're into that kinda thing.

jerect

Welcome..

Unfortunatly as long as your parents are providing you AB a place to stay, food to eat and the ability to mooch off of them indefenitly then your brother is never going to be anything other then what he is.

Your parents are either in deep denial or just don't know what to do about the situation.. I'm betting it's a little bit of both..

The best thing that you can do for you is to seek help for yourself.. Set your own boundaries when it comes to your brother,for instance, you can refuse to go over to your parents house as long as they are enabling your brothers addiction. Yes, that seems a little unfair but it clearly bothers you to see your brother like this and it is disrupting your peace and serenity.. It may take you not coming around anymore for your parents to step up and quit enabling.

As long as your brother has that soft cushin to land on he is never going to his his bottom and an addict needs to hit his bottom in order to want to change and get help..

paula2009

This is very difficult on a family I know. I have 2 sisters who are addicts and drug abusers (one pain pills and one herione)-on and off for years now. Gosh, all I can say is it is so sad and angering at the same time. I describe it as the closest thing to losing a loved one to death without it actually happening. This is what I've learned over the past few years -take what you can use and leave the rest:
Ignore them when they're using-pay attention when they're sober
If you can't handle hearing about them-don't ask
Get yourself better first (they cause you to be sick as well)
Cry if you need to
Don't be ashamed to talk about how much you miss them
Naranon/Alanon rocks!!

Good luck-IM me if you ever need a shoulder or an ear, Paula

UrbanSI

thanks for all the replies people. Its very appreciated

This is a hard topic to make open to strangers but its getting to a point where i am no longer comfortable at home. I just recently graduated college and am planning to move back home on the 11th of next month.
Moving into my own place right not is not an option.

Me and my brother struggle to get a long at times and will go weeks without talking sometimes. It really sucks to know that things have happened to him in the past and still nothing has been done to help him.

Years back my parents bought him a car, 4 days later he crashed head on into a cab in the city and got a DIU totaling the car. He put his head into the windshield was hospitalized for about a week.

Weeks later we went to a sporting event and he blacked out and was hospitalized again.

The stories could go on and on.

i often think that i need to just beat the hell out of him and give him options on what he has to do, or the beating will continue. Prob not the best option right now but its all that makes sense to me right now...

UrbanSI

well things are looking on the up side all of the sudden
my parents went to see a counsler and they made a written agreement about him finding a job and getting his act together
his date is october 15th to have a job and start making money to move out.
if he doesnt have a job by then they are going to kick him out apparently
hopefully this helps
thanks for all the suggestions and help

tjp613

You think your parents can abide by that? Was there any mention of treatment??? He's not gonna be able to do squat without going to treatment first.

UrbanSI

not sure on the treatment yet

its been tried in the past but no ultimadium was present...

hopefully things get better, he has been abiding by the rules they put in place for the time being.
he is no longer allowed to sleep past 11am, he has to be dressed every day and cant wear a robe any longer.

I guess he is looking for a job, but im not living back home till next week

only time will tell, ill keep this updated for those that care

teke

just wanted to say hi, and that i'm praying for you and your family, with a special prayer for your brother.