bdiddy5522

So I am back. I have been on this site everyday, but not contributing much because I had turned back to alcohol. After my 5 days sober, the 4th of July caused me to slip up and start again. Then I just kept right on going. Not day drink during the week, but as soon as I would get home from work I would start again. Then this weekend I started Friday night and didn't really stop until Sunday evening. I was still functioning.... golf tournament, family reunion, etc. But I just felt like I was in a haze. Tired, nervous, feeling like I was just going to collapse or fall over at any time.

So I am starting this recovery process again. I need to. For my family, job, God, and myself! I can't live like this any more. I need my life back.

So wish me luck everyone this time around. I read so many of your posts from those of you that have remained sober, and I want that to be me. Your lives sound so much better without this dang toxin in your bodies.

NEOMARXIST

Nice one. Dust yourself down and get back on the sobriety wagon.

Lost count how many times I've said that to myself over the past few years. I feel everytime I get back on, I am gaining strength though, so It's all one big learning experience, If you don't make mistakes then you ain't got nothing to learn from.

I am always amazed at how many people can function when on drinking benders ie - turning up for golf tournaments, work etcetc.

The only thing I can do when drinking is drink and drink more. I cannot function in any way and then when the binge is over my mind is shot to pieces so getting out of bed takes real effort. so respect for at least holding it together to some degree.

peace.

tommyk

Welcome, keep coming back.

Ask yourself if the 4th of July caused you to 'slip' up on something (?)...

... or did you make the conscious, willing CHOICE to drink on the 4th of July?

Perhaps start your new recovery program with complete honesty, and realize that there are some options you can choose before you drink.

Next time you feel an urge or trigger to drink:

Stop whatever you are doing.
Observe / realize your behavior.
Be very aware that you have a choice to make.
Evaluate your options / choices carefully.
Respond by selecting the best choice.

IF you CHOOSE to drink, accept full & complete responsibility for that CHOICE.

SomeCallMeTim

Been there, done that, got the t shirt. Keep coming back. You obviously have a desire to stop. Don't be too hard on yourself. Very few of us get it the 1st time.

MycoolFitz

Agree with Tommy K, hard for a holiday to pin you against the wall and force you to pick up. Even though that seemed to happen to me in the past. Not to mention every other holiday, weekend, almost weekend, celebration, depression, relaxation, vacation, exasperation, Carry Nation... Funny how the world conspires to keep us drunk. If you want what we have, have it. Its yours for the taking. Ther's plenty of sobriety to go aroud, I don't need to hog mine. It's scary, no conspiracy of drunkenness, all it takes is for us not to pick up, now. And its always now. We might need detox, treatment, recovery program and plan but sobriety is ours for the having. Its only our delusional dis-eased mind that convinces us its beyound our reach.

"The war to end all wars is the battle against our delusions".-- Stonepeace

Tazman53

You know if you want what we have it may be a good thing to do as we have done. That is what worked for me, I looked around the room in AA meetings, I saw what people with long term happy sobriety were doing and I asked them to help me do what they did. Guess what, they helped show me what they did, I did what they did and now I have what they have.

bdiddy5522

Thanks everyone. I know the next few days are going to be physically painful as I flush my body of this crap. I have been drinking tea, taking vitamins and drinking lots of water. I made it a couple weeks ago, so I know I can do it again. I don't know what caused me to pick up that first drink on the 4th of July. I was feeling so good and loving life. My wife noticed it, my parents noticed it, and I noticed it. I want that back!

tommyk

"I was feeling so good and loving life.."

That's what really sucks about 'the disease'...

The disease hates it when you feel good and love life without it.

CarolD

Glad to know you are making a fresh start....
Blessings to you and your family

traderjane

It's good you came back. Don't give up. I think many of us here have had several false starts in this. I think the key is to keep coming back. I look forward to reading your future posts here.

Laura

timeside

It's my first day too and it is painful. I know I can do it again, this is the worst part. Hang in there with me. I wish someone would just pick me up by the panties and kick me in the a**.